Hindsight truly does have 20/20 vision, especially for some of the pond scum that we’ve all dated. It can be hard to tell in the moment, but looking back, that little behavior your partner did that you brushed off was evidence of a toxic relationship.
Twitter user Halima, @imdatfeminist, reached out asking people to share things that they realize now were signs their relationship was toxic. It’s alright if you didn’t realize in the moment, because literally none of us know what we’re doing. But it’s important to talk about what to watch out for—before we regret it later.
You’re Not Crazy, You’re Right
It’s a huge sign of manipulation if someone doesn’t like being called out on doing it. So what do they do when they’re caught in the act? Try to manipulate you more into thinking you’re crazy. I’m here to tell you that you’re not.
Do. Not. Do. This.
This man wasn’t only trying to make his partner jealous, but he was trying to pit her against other women, even strangers, to make her feel jealous and lesser. I’m glad they’re broken up, but man I wish she would’ve done this right back to him.
He Pulled This After Couples Counselling
Just because you’re smart doesn’t mean you can be a huge jerk. Hasn’t this man seen Legally Blonde? Also, don’t drag Freud into this, he has enough issues to deal with.
It’s The Actions Not Words, You Know?
After hearing the words “I’m sorry” a thousand times for the same stuff, they really start to lose their meaning. Change is a beautiful thing, and it starts by actually sticking by your word.
You’re Not Their Property? Your Phone Isn’t Theirs?
When you’re young you literally have no idea what’s right and wrong because you’re new to dating—so often people take advantage of that. If you trust someone you shouldn’t feel like you have to check to see if they’re hiding something from you (also she was 15, what secrets could she possibly have???)
How “His” Woman Should Dress
I’m so angry at this. Reading this tweet is going to fuel all my rage workouts for a month after this. Just thinking about the debt she probably took on, the manipulation, and the control he put over her makes my fingers type a little harder on the keyboard.
There’s No Such Thing As “Catfish Tinder Accountant”
Okay, I’m sorry this woman had to go through this Tinder mind-screw and yes, maybe she was being a little naive, but she clearly trusted him and he took advantage of that. Being a trusting partner is nothing to ever regret.
Trying To Make You Jealous? Start Packing Your Bags
Is jealous really this man’s barometer for how much his partner cares? If so, I would like to remind him he’s probably not that great and this is probably the reason why she left him. Just saying.
“I Love You” Needs A Little More Buildup
This is a big YIKES. Not only is this the number one unspoken rule in dating but it’s also evidence that this person doesn’t have a good handle on their emotions. The only stranger you’re allowed to love is Chuck from Gossip Girl.
“You Can’t Have Guy Friends” Is Insecure Man Speak
I want to yell this from a rooftop so all the insecure people in the world can hear me—PLATONIC RELATIONSHIPS EXIST. I don’t know why this is so hard for some people to grasp, but it’s the truth.
Yelling At Wait Staff Is A Huge Giveaway
Having a temper is something that everyone can work to control and channel into healthy and constructive things. But taking it out on other people? That’s just negative, embarrassing, and frankly, makes you an awful person to bring anywhere out to eat.
This Is Textbook Projection
Funny how projection works. The person in the wrong spends so much time worrying about what you’re doing to try and distract from the fact that they’re the one in the wrong. It’s these kinds of mind games that make me reach for the Chardonnay and the bubble bath.
Two-Sided People Can Go Ahead And Just Stop
You know that he was performing the “happy boyfriend” role in public for everyone to see so that nobody would believe her when she told them about his other side. I’m glad she’s not dealing with this anymore because this is the absolute worst kind of manipulation.
The “Ex” Girlfriend
Um, okay yes, if someone is coming out and saying they’re dating your boyfriend then you definitely should break up with him. But again, he was preying on the trust she gave him to make her question everyone’s word except for his.
You Should Never Feel Like You Have To Tread Carefully. Ever.
Whether it’s because you fear their temper, the silent treatment, or another argument, walking on eggshells around your partner is never good. You should be able to talk to them—you’re dating after all.
Wanting To Communicate Doesn’t Make You A Villain
I’m sorry for sounding like relationship advice you’ve heard 1000 times before, but communication is the basis for a relationship. And that’s that. Bad guys don’t talk about their feelings to the heroes, do they?
How Could You Just Do This To A Person’s Head?
In what way is this a constructive way to give someone pointers about how they’re acting? If he really wanted her to change he would’ve been something other than destructive. Well, if Donna ever runs into him again she has my permission to tell him I don’t like him.
You, And I Cannot Stress This Enough, Are Allowed To Hurt
Asking someone to apologize for being upset when you hurt them is like asking a pedestrian hit by a car to apologize for being so naive to think that they could walk on a sidewalk. I’m sorry for the analogy, but it creepily works doesn’t it?
I Hate Nothing More Than This Turnaround
If you’re mad and all of a sudden your partner turns things around on you and plays the victim I can guarantee you’ll never solve anything in that relationship. Because that’s exactly how every argument is going to go.
If You’re Spending This Much Time Editing Your Texts, There’s Something Seriously Wrong
You should never feel like you need to edit your words to the point where you’re terrified to ever say the wrong thing that’ll get a negative reaction from them. If they can’t control their emotions then that’s on them, you should never feel responsible.