For some people, their #1 dealbreaker is cheating, though it can be hard to leave right away. It’s up to you to decide whether or not the relationship is worth fighting for after someone cheats on you. If you want to stay with them, nobody is judging that decision, because nobody knows your relationship like YOU.
It’s a hard decision, and one Reddit user was curious to hear people’s stories of when they stayed with a partner after one of them had cheated. The post received tons of responses, and just as a warning, some of these are pretty heavy.
Cheating In A Realtionship
It can be really easy to just say: “If a guy ever cheats on me, I’d dump him right away.”
Because you’re so far removed from the situation, and it’s all hypothetical. In reality, it’s really hard to know how to feel when someone cheats on you.
The Connection To Divorce Rates
According to HerNorm, “40% of the ever-married adults who have cheated on their spouses are divorced or separated.”
“By comparison, only 17% of those who have been faithful to their spouse are divorced or separated.”
It’s Not Black And White
People stay with people who cheat on them because even though they did you wrong, you can’t always just turn off feelings that you have for someone.
The main question is: “How do I know if the relationship is worth saving?”
This Reddit User Wanted Answers
And honestly, you probably know the answer to that question deep down inside, even if you may not want to acknowledge it.
Recently, Reddit user DerpNips1 asked Reddit: “Men and women of Reddit who forgave your SO for cheating, how did you do it?”
“I Looked Past It Because I Was In Love”
“My ex cheated on me every time I was out of eyesight. It came as no surprise to me as she cheated on her ex with me and left him for me.”
“She warned me that she would probably cheat. I told her (stupidly), ‘If you tell me I can trust you, I will.’ She never actually did, I looked past it because I was in love. Things were never great (except the sex) but good, eventually, I couldn’t ignore it anymore.” —slingshot-robot / Reddit
“I Still Struggle With Trust”
“Five years after my husband cheated, I still struggle with trust. I know I have no reason to, and he’s totally devoted to me, but it’s in the back of my mind every day.”
“I stayed at first because despite how badly he hurt me I loved him, and I stayed for our kids. I seriously considered leaving … At the idea of me leaving he realized his mistake and decided to fight for me.” —Motherofimps / Reddit
“She Worked Hard To Build My Trust Again”
“Five years ago my girlfriend and I had a fight, she said it was over, she goes out that night but is still messaging me occasionally. Tells me where she is. I drive to the bar and catch her making out with a guy in her car.”
“I’m sure at the time I took her back because what she did made me feel worthless, and just hurt so much. But over time I learned to love her again. She worked hard to build my trust.” —theredhotbellpepper / Reddit
“He Changed Himself To Be A Better Person”
“We broke up when it happened and came back together after being apart for a while. We decided that struggling together for awhile was better than being apart forever.”
“The most important takeaway from this is that I DID NOT CHANGE HIM, he did it himself, I just stood by him.” —missmild / Reddit
“I’ve Still Got Trust Issues”
“Got cheated on, forgave her, months go by where I always have to know where she is or what she is doing. Things ended permanently shortly after.”
“I’ve still got trust issues and it’s been almost 2 years.” —Daerkyl / Reddit
“A Constant Battle Of Me Professing My Love For Her”
“I was the cheater in my first relationship. Cheated after 6 months of being together, went home, showered, and proceeded to go over and tell her right away. It was the most disgusting, selfish, degrading act I’ve ever done and the hurt on her face was a mental image that will never leave me. “
“She forgave me, but what ensued was constant checking up on and if I wasn’t next to my phone replying 24/7 I was either cheating or didn’t love her anymore, in her mind.” —phunkybeats / Reddit
“After Two Years, I Meant So Little To Her”
“Well, I thought she wouldn’t do it again and there was something I had that he didn’t. She broke up with me and they were dating about four months later.”
“Yeah, when you want to talk about ego-destroying moments, that’s a biggie. After two years, I meant so little to her. It’s amazing how selfish people can be.” —Ipride362 / Reddit
“I Tried To Look Past It”
“I tried to look past it as a mistake. A one-time thing that wouldn’t happen again… We talked through it the best we could at the time (as of course no one really wants to talk about it) and just worked through it one day at a time.”
“Of course all that work was undone half a year later when she did it again though.” —darksasuke12345 / Reddit
“We Are Happier Now, 12 Years Later”
“My husband cheated on me after 15 years of marriage. We went to counseling, learned to actually communicate and respect each other, and are happier now, 12 years later.”
“It wasn’t fun or easy, and it took a toll for a long time, but we were worth it.” —momona_ / Reddit
Can You Ever Actually Forgive A Cheater?
Although lots of people have forgiven their significant other for cheating, some think it’s just unforgivable, no matter how hard you try.
That deep down, you’re never going to ACTUALLY forgive this person, or it’s impossible to know if you have, or if you’re just pretending.
“It’s Difficult To Know If You’ve Really Forgiven Someone For Cheating”
“I’d say it’s pretty difficult to know if you’ve really forgiven someone for cheating. My ex cheated on me and I thought I forgave him.”
“Honestly I couldn’t trust him and at the back of my mind, I would always have that lingering thought that he might be sleeping with someone else. It got so intense and lowered my self-esteem to the point where I did exactly what he did. The relationship ended afterward.” —TiredOgre / Reddit
“You Don’t Forgive”
“You don’t forgive. Not really. Sometimes you try, usually for the sake of the kids but in my experience, it just doesn’t work. Cheating the first time is the hardest time, and it only gets easier after that.”
“A person who is inclined to cheat is going to continue cheating regardless of the cost so it’s really better to just break it off and get the healing started right away rather than drag it out.” —LovesMeSomeRedhead / Reddit