A “toxic trait” is something that someone does regularly that repeatedly creates negative outcomes for themselves and the people around them. Just about every person on the planet has a toxic trait or two, with some being more severe than others.
It can be easy to identify toxic traits in others, but these people on Reddit owned up to their own toxic traits.
People Are Not Puppets
“I compulsively manipulate people and situations. I know exactly what I’m doing in the moment, but I can’t stop myself.”
Sure, manipulation can make sure you always get what you want, but no one wants to stay with someone who tries to control them.
I Think A Lot Of Women Can Relate To This
“Seeking male approval and feeling anxious if I don’t. I need the approval of male authority figures due to my absent father and it bothers me to the point that if I think a male authority figure doesn’t like me, I obsess over it. Also, I can’t develop feelings for men because I’m afraid of rejection so I convince myself any guy that likes me actually doesn’t.”
Negativity Breeds More Negativity
“I tend to talk more about things that I hate or that annoy me than things I love or make me happy. It has been very damaging when I’ve tried to form new relationships.”
Awkwardness > Cruelty
“I tend to ghost people rather than have an awkward conversation.”
The main reason that people ghost is that they hate the awkwardness of saying they’re not really interested, but people really do appreciate honesty more than just silence.
It’s Inherently Selfish To Do This
“I’ll know that a relationship is pretty much over and I don’t want to be with a person anymore, but I’ll stay another month or two until I’ve emotionally detached myself from them so I don’t really feel the breakup as badly with no concern for their personal feelings.”
They Really Only Love The Sound Of Their Own Voice
“Listening to reply rather than actually hearing what people have to say.”
Sometimes, it is important to ask yourself if you’re really engaging in a conversation and reciprocating interest, or if you’re just making things about yourself.
Pettiness Can Really Get Out Of Hand
“I respond poorly to passive-aggressiveness. Whatever you’re being passive-aggressive with me about, I’m about to do even harder.”
Passive-aggressiveness is a toxic trait in itself, but adding more fuel to the fire instead of having a conversation about it is not how to solve the problem.
Reacting Can Be Really Challenging
“I have a really difficult time reacting emotionally to somebody who is sad/upset/crying. I have no issue laughing when somebody else is, or mad when somebody else is. But I cannot relate on an emotional level when I see sadness. That part of my brain never fires.”
It’s Never Poorly Intended, But…
Many people have a tendency to promise more than they can deliver on because they love to please others and hate to let them down, but it leaves everyone feeling upset.
Life Is Easier When You Just Admit You’re Wrong
“I always have to prove I’m right. Especially when I’m 100% sure I’m right. It’s caused me many problems in my personal and professional life, but I can’t seem to be able to do anything about it.”
Chronic Flaking Is A Real Thing
“I don’t have the motivation to finish things. I’m always excited to start something but then lose interest. It’s affected a few friendships/relationships where I lost the motivation to stay in touch with people, not because we grew apart but because I naturally became detached.”
Jealousy Can Be A Real Problem
“Whenever I see a girl that’s more attractive than me I automatically dislike her. Also, when I’m planning on doing/making something and I see somebody else do/make it really well I get super salty. Both of these I’m able to talk myself down in my head and make myself start thinking clearly again, but it’s embarrassing that my brain makes these jumps to begin with.”
It’s Strange When It’s Beyond Your Control
“I’m a pathological liar. It isn’t nearly as bad as it used to be and I’m really proud of how far I’ve come with it, but to this day, like, if I’m telling a story or talking to you I’ll do little exaggerations for no reason. For example like if I got 3 hours of sleep last night and I’m complaining about it to you, I’ll say 2 hours just to make it sound better, and you know who cares if it’s 2 or 3 the story is the same.”
This Sounds Like It’s Rooted In Insecurity
“I constantly look for the validation and approval of others. If I don’t receive that validation or approval, I feel like there is something wrong with me. If it is something that I can change (without harming myself or others) I try to do it in order to receive that validation from others.”
Perhaps Therapy Would Be Helpful
“My anxiety makes me self-centered sometimes. Ironically, I will worry about doing something wrong in social situations so much that I end up overlooking other people’s actual needs. For example, I will think somebody who is quiet is probably mad at me or doesn’t like me and worry about that so much that I don’t even consider they may have something going on in their life they might like to talk about.”
Pretty Sycophantic, Too
“I’m very apathetic. I honestly couldn’t care less about anyone else’s day, but I often feign interest in them very skillfully so that they take interest in me in return.”
It Can Be Hard To Control It
“Overthinking and jumping to conclusions.”
Some people, especially those with anxiety, have a tendency to overthink, but jumping to conclusions without any real backing is damaging to those around you.
This Is A Mindset Problem
“I judge people often because I expect that I’ll be judged in return anyway.”
If you believe that other people are mean, it makes you meaner. If you believe that other people are generally good, it makes you a better person.
That Can Get Off-Putting Very Quickly
“I am overly aggressive at everyone. I don’t mean it and it’s something I’ve been working on for a while.”
It’s impossible to really have a conversation or get along with someone who always reacts aggressively toward you.
Clinginess Isn’t Pleasant For Anyone
“I have serious abandonment issues. I have a tendency to cling. I also hold my friends and family to an unreasonably high standard, and when they disappoint me, I get very openly upset about it.”