Obsessed Or In Love? How To Spot The Difference

You know those intense feelings you get when you’re with someone new? Those butterflies that start in the pit of your stomach and work their way up to your throat and just make you feel weird? It’s an exciting feeling, and a scary one, but it’s also a feeling you should pay attention to.

We have to make sure we are walking into a situation that will eventually grow into love, not obsession. Here are some questions to ask yourself to try and work out the nature of your relationship.

Is He Your Priority Or Your Purpose?

couple about to kiss
Photo Credit: Unsplash / George Coletrain
Photo Credit: Unsplash / George Coletrain

A good relationship should always emphasize the “we,” but your main focus should still be yourself. If you’re in a situation where all your plans for the future revolve around your partner, you might want to consider if that’s healthy.

Is Your Love Reciprocated?

couple standing in a field
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Seb Creativo
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Seb Creativo

This one is a big one for sure. Are you in a real partnership where you are just as loved and supported by your partner as you are to them? Or do you let the fact that they don’t treat you well slide?

Do You Actually Know This Person?

couple wearing all black
Photo Credit: Unsplash / sergio souza
Photo Credit: Unsplash / sergio souza

When you jump feet-first into a relationship you might skip over some pretty big moments…like the part where you actually get to know them. Other than the fact that you love them, what do you know about them? About what kind of person they are?

Have You Dated Before?

couple on a beach
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Bruno van der Kraan
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Bruno van der Kraan

Getting back together with an ex is always going to be a gray area. If you’re getting back together with an ex, ask yourself if it’s because you actually see a healthy reconciliation, or are you getting back together just because they’re your ex?

Do You Think You Could Live Without Them?

a couple about to kiss
Photo Credit: Unsplash / zelle duda
Photo Credit: Unsplash / zelle duda

This one is a big one. It is never a fun feeling to lose someone that you love, but it’s something that you can work through and move on from. If you feel like you literally cannot live without the person you’re dating, that should be a big red flag.

Do You Go Through His Things?

couple on a pier
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Garin Chadwick
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Garin Chadwick

When he isn’t around, do you find yourself looking through his things looking for clues about what he does when he isn’t with you or trying to see if he’s cheating? That’s not normal or healthy behavior.

Are You Always Keeping Tabs On Them?

couple standing in corn
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Allef Vinicius
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Allef Vinicius

We are all guilty of checking our partner’s social media from time to time, but if you’re sitting at home constantly refreshing the page and lurking all the people who leave comments, you might have a problem.

Is Your Relationship Moving Really Fast?

couple standing in front of a sunset
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Thanh Tran
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Thanh Tran

In general, every relationship is going to move at a different pace, but ask yourself if you’re ready for things that should be months or years down the road, like moving in with another or getting engaged.

Do You Do Things In Order To Get Their Approval?

couple lying in the grass kissing
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Matheus Ferrero
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Matheus Ferrero

If you start doing things just so your partner will notice you and approve of you, then you’re probably leaving parts of yourself behind. Your partner’s version of you should not be the you that you strive to be.

Do You Need To Be Talking To Them All The Time?

couple standing under an umbrella
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Pavel Badrtdinov
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Pavel Badrtdinov

A little space in a relationship is healthy. Your feelings for your partner might be unhealthy if you feel the need to be talking to them all the time and get upset when they don’t get back to you right away.

Do You Give In Every Time You Have A Fight?

couple sitting on a roof
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Ayo Ogunseinde
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Ayo Ogunseinde

Having fights is going to happen, and it’s healthy and good practice to accept that sometimes you might be wrong. However, if you’re getting in fights and always giving in just so they won’t leave you, that’s not great.

Do You Romanticize The Relationship?

couple on a hill looking out
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Anita Peeples
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Anita Peeples

Everyone is guilty of this to an extent. We like to think about what our relationship will be like in the future. But there is a big difference between considering long-term compatibility and planning your wedding two weeks into dating.

Are You Paranoid All The Time?

couple looking back at one another
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Clem Onojeghuo
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Clem Onojeghuo

Here is a big one. If you’re constantly worried that your partner is going to cheat on you or leave you, then the relationship you’re in is probably not a healthy one and you have to ask if the person you’re with is worth feeling that way. Hint: the answer should be no.

Do You Still Do Things That Make You Happy?

couple sitting in a truck
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Toa Heftiba
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Toa Heftiba

If you’re in an obsessive relationship, some of the first things to go out the window are the things that you like to do for yourself. All of a sudden, you don’t have the time or desire to enjoy your hobbies, work on your skills, or hang out with friends.

Do You Think This Person Is Going To Rescue You?

couple standing in a farm
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Allef Vinicius
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Allef Vinicius

Really consider the root of your feelings for the person you’re with. Do you think that they’re your knight in shining armor here to rescue you from your boring and unloving life, or do you understand that no one person can complete you?

They’re The Only Thing You Think About

a picture of a couple's feet
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Emma Frances Logan
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Emma Frances Logan

The fact that you’re in a relationship with someone should be the least interesting thing about you. Make sure that you have more going on in your life and in your head and heart than the person you’re with. You have so many other things to think about, too.

Do You Function Properly When They’re Not Around?

a black and white picture
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Pablo Heimplatz
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Pablo Heimplatz

You should be able to carry on with your life when your partner isn’t around. In no realistic situation can they be with you 24/7. If you feel like your life begins and ends with them, then maybe you need to take a breather.

Do You Talk About Your Partner All The Time?

couple lying down in grass
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Marie S
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Marie S

It is totally OK to want to talk about your partner sometimes. That being said, your partner shouldn’t be rolling their eyes every time you bring them up because you talk about them so much.

Is Your Social Media Basically A Shrine To Them?

couple taking a picture
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Duri from Mocup
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Duri from Mocup

There is a lot of research to suggest that someone who has to post a lot on their social media about their relationship has a subconscious fear of it not being real or losing it. Post pictures with your partner for sure, but is it all you post?

Do You Respect Their Boundaries?

man and woman standing next to each other
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Allan Filipe Santos Dias
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Allan Filipe Santos Dias

This is possibly the biggest one. Are you respectful of the fact that you are both autonomous beings who live their own lives, or do you feel the need to be in control and in the know of everything your partner does?