Little Things That Can Look Desperate When You Start Seeing Someone

No one likes to come across as desperate, but sometimes we unwittingly do just that. However, when you’re in the early stages of talking or seeing someone and their impression of you is just based on a few interactions, little actions can be perceived as desperate.

These are little things that can come across as desperate when you’re just starting to see someone new.

What Does It Mean To Seem Desperate?

woman bent over on bench at bus stop
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Edwin Andrade
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Edwin Andrade

Seeming “desperate” means that you seem like you would commit to anyone you meet just because you crave attention and affection. It might almost seem like you have no other options to date.

Why Does It Impact Dating So Negatively?

woman and man on date
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Rene Ranisch
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Rene Ranisch

Desperate often seems only a couple steps away from clingy and dramatic and can even make a potential romantic partner think that there’s something undesirable about you that makes you try to cling to an unaware new interest.

You Always Initiate Contact

woman on phone on street
Photo Credit: Unsplash / FezBot2000
Photo Credit: Unsplash / FezBot2000

You are always the one sending them messages first, calling them, starting FaceTimes, etc. The person on the receiving end might find it stifling since you never give them enough time to reach out or respond on a time frame they find comfortable.

You Always Try To Set Up The Next Date At The End Of The Current One

day planner with calendar open
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Eric Rothermel
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Eric Rothermel

While it’s totally normal to affirm that you’d like to see the other person again at the end of a date, trying to set another one up immediately comes off a little too rushed and eager.

You Send More Texts After Not Getting A Reply

woman texting on phone
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Tamara Bellis
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Tamara Bellis

I’m not someone to hate on a “double text” but if you just keep sending more messages when you don’t receive a response rather than letting them respond on their own time, it can be a bit much.

You Always Say You’re Doing “Nothing”

woman looking bored
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Sharon McCutcheon
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Sharon McCutcheon

When a partner asks what you’re up to or asked what you did on the weekend, don’t say “nothing”—it makes it seem like you don’t really have a life of your own. Even if you didn’t do anything major, say you watched a cool movie or did housework.

You Drop Everything For Them

woman and man embracing
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Baylee Gramling
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Baylee Gramling

You’re always available to their whims—if you had plans, you’ll cancel them for this person. It makes them think that you have no respect for your commitments and that you’re so desperate for affection that you’d toss aside everything you care about.

You Double And Triple-Check All Plans

woman on her phone
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Charles Deluvio
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Charles Deluvio

After you set plans for a date or hangout, you ask them multiple times if they’re still down to do it. It’s one thing to confirm day of, but asking multiple times if they’re still interested makes you seem insecure.

You Talk About Marriage Or Commitment Too Soon

bride and groom holding hands
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Jeremy Wong Weddings
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Jeremy Wong Weddings

Naturally, the ideal outcome from dating is that you get along well, end up in a relationship, and maybe marriage is in the cards for the future. However, bringing these things up too early makes it seems like you want a relationship with anyone as long as it ends up in marriage.

You Don’t Really Stand Up For Yourself

woman on floor looking sad leaning against window
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Anthony Tran
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Anthony Tran

Whenever this person does or says something that goes against what you believe in or makes you feel uncomfortable, you let it slide rather than standing up for yourself, which comes across as people-pleasing or insecure.

You Like Or Retweet Everything They Post Very Quickly

neon sign like
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Prateek Katyal
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Prateek Katyal

While liking stuff they post on social media isn’t necessarily weird, liking or watching things immediately after they post them makes it clear that you’re closely monitoring their social activity.

You Contact Them Too Frequently

man talking on his phone while walking
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Антон Шариков
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Антон Шариков

When you’re just getting to know someone, you don’t really have the closeness needed to regularly call or text them unsolicited. When you do take the actions, it comes across as needy or clingy early on.

You Try To Start A New Relationship Immediately After Ending One

man and woman in romantic pose
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Daniel Jerico
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Daniel Jerico

When one relationship ends, jumping into a new relationship right away makes it seem like you’re incapable of being alone or independent. It can also seem like you crave affection so bad that you can’t go without it.

You Overshare Way Too Early

woman holding mans hand with coffee on table
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Priscilla Du Preez
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Priscilla Du Preez

A lot of the fun in dating someone new is getting to slowly learn more about them. When you overshare all your most intimate stories and emotional trauma in the early stages, it seems unnerving to a romantic interest.

You Talk About Exes A Lot

woman latched onto man from behind
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Logan Weaver
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Logan Weaver

There is a time and place to talk about your exes with someone new and the very beginning is not it. Bringing up your exes early makes it seem like you aren’t over them or are looking for a rebound.

You Respond To Every Text Immediately

phone with notifications on the screen
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Jonas Leupe
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Jonas Leupe

While I’m pretty against trying to play mind games with waiting to text back, there’s something unnerving about someone always texting you back immediately after you send one—it’s almost as if they’re waiting for your every word.

You’re Eager To Label Things

silhouette of man and woman with their heads touching in front of setting sun
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Atharva Dharmadhikari
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Atharva Dharmadhikari

When you start seeing someone, you’re really just trying to feel each other out and understand if you actually see a future. When you try to label things really early on, it can seem as though you’re rushing and desperate to lock things down.

You Need Lots Of Validation Off The Bat

woman in the dark with sun coming through window
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Andrew Neel
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Andrew Neel

People need different levels of validation when it comes to dating, but requiring someone you’ve only been on a few dates with to constantly affirm that they like you or are attracted to you can be exhausting.

First Impressions Matter

woman in glasses looking at camera
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Aaker
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Aaker

In an ideal world, you can be yourself in the dating world all the time, but the truth is that people are forced to make snap decisions on how they feel based on your first couple interactions and, if you come off as desperate even if you’re not, it can be a nail in the coffin.

If You Have A Tendency To Do Any Of These Things, Perhaps Dial It Back

if you like this tweet we are officially dating. i odnt make the rules, im just desperate
Photo Credit: Twitter / @bellaakr
Photo Credit: Twitter / @bellaakr

I’m not saying that any of the things on this list is particularly bad in a relationship, but they can be a bit jarring to someone you don’t really know yet and can seem a touch desperate to someone who is going off initial impressions. Luckily, the early stages only last so long and you can set a precedent for whatever your normal is later.