No one likes to come across as desperate, but sometimes we unwittingly do just that. However, when you’re in the early stages of talking or seeing someone and their impression of you is just based on a few interactions, little actions can be perceived as desperate.
These are little things that can come across as desperate when you’re just starting to see someone new.
What Does It Mean To Seem Desperate?
Seeming “desperate” means that you seem like you would commit to anyone you meet just because you crave attention and affection. It might almost seem like you have no other options to date.
Why Does It Impact Dating So Negatively?
Desperate often seems only a couple steps away from clingy and dramatic and can even make a potential romantic partner think that there’s something undesirable about you that makes you try to cling to an unaware new interest.
You Always Initiate Contact
You are always the one sending them messages first, calling them, starting FaceTimes, etc. The person on the receiving end might find it stifling since you never give them enough time to reach out or respond on a time frame they find comfortable.
You Always Try To Set Up The Next Date At The End Of The Current One
While it’s totally normal to affirm that you’d like to see the other person again at the end of a date, trying to set another one up immediately comes off a little too rushed and eager.
You Send More Texts After Not Getting A Reply
I’m not someone to hate on a “double text” but if you just keep sending more messages when you don’t receive a response rather than letting them respond on their own time, it can be a bit much.
You Always Say You’re Doing “Nothing”
When a partner asks what you’re up to or asked what you did on the weekend, don’t say “nothing”—it makes it seem like you don’t really have a life of your own. Even if you didn’t do anything major, say you watched a cool movie or did housework.
You Drop Everything For Them
You’re always available to their whims—if you had plans, you’ll cancel them for this person. It makes them think that you have no respect for your commitments and that you’re so desperate for affection that you’d toss aside everything you care about.
You Double And Triple-Check All Plans
After you set plans for a date or hangout, you ask them multiple times if they’re still down to do it. It’s one thing to confirm day of, but asking multiple times if they’re still interested makes you seem insecure.
You Talk About Marriage Or Commitment Too Soon
Naturally, the ideal outcome from dating is that you get along well, end up in a relationship, and maybe marriage is in the cards for the future. However, bringing these things up too early makes it seems like you want a relationship with anyone as long as it ends up in marriage.
You Don’t Really Stand Up For Yourself
Whenever this person does or says something that goes against what you believe in or makes you feel uncomfortable, you let it slide rather than standing up for yourself, which comes across as people-pleasing or insecure.
You Like Or Retweet Everything They Post Very Quickly
While liking stuff they post on social media isn’t necessarily weird, liking or watching things immediately after they post them makes it clear that you’re closely monitoring their social activity.
You Contact Them Too Frequently
When you’re just getting to know someone, you don’t really have the closeness needed to regularly call or text them unsolicited. When you do take the actions, it comes across as needy or clingy early on.
You Try To Start A New Relationship Immediately After Ending One
When one relationship ends, jumping into a new relationship right away makes it seem like you’re incapable of being alone or independent. It can also seem like you crave affection so bad that you can’t go without it.
You Overshare Way Too Early
A lot of the fun in dating someone new is getting to slowly learn more about them. When you overshare all your most intimate stories and emotional trauma in the early stages, it seems unnerving to a romantic interest.
You Talk About Exes A Lot
There is a time and place to talk about your exes with someone new and the very beginning is not it. Bringing up your exes early makes it seem like you aren’t over them or are looking for a rebound.
You Respond To Every Text Immediately
While I’m pretty against trying to play mind games with waiting to text back, there’s something unnerving about someone always texting you back immediately after you send one—it’s almost as if they’re waiting for your every word.
You’re Eager To Label Things
When you start seeing someone, you’re really just trying to feel each other out and understand if you actually see a future. When you try to label things really early on, it can seem as though you’re rushing and desperate to lock things down.
You Need Lots Of Validation Off The Bat
People need different levels of validation when it comes to dating, but requiring someone you’ve only been on a few dates with to constantly affirm that they like you or are attracted to you can be exhausting.
First Impressions Matter
In an ideal world, you can be yourself in the dating world all the time, but the truth is that people are forced to make snap decisions on how they feel based on your first couple interactions and, if you come off as desperate even if you’re not, it can be a nail in the coffin.
If You Have A Tendency To Do Any Of These Things, Perhaps Dial It Back
I’m not saying that any of the things on this list is particularly bad in a relationship, but they can be a bit jarring to someone you don’t really know yet and can seem a touch desperate to someone who is going off initial impressions. Luckily, the early stages only last so long and you can set a precedent for whatever your normal is later.