Can women and men be just friends? It’s a question that’s been tossed around a lot over the years with people swearing they are right on both sides of the argument.
I’ve heard my fair share of jokes over my life where people will say women’s male friends want to hook up with them and to that, I say: “So what?”
It’s A Common Relationship Fear
When people get into new relationships, a lot of times they’ll question how close their partner’s opposite gender friends really are.
For some people, there’s always an air of suspicion around those friends and the nature of their relationship.
I Love My Guy Friends
I won’t lie: I have a fair amount of friends that are male. Not as many as female friends, but I have my close group of guy friends as well.
We’ve known each other for years and I’m pretty close with all of them.
I’ve Had Many Male Partners Get Agitated By The Idea
Especially when I was younger, I would introduce a new romantic partner to my group of friends and they would often get a little uneasy.
I even had one or two say, “They’re friends with you because they want to sleep with you.”
Of Course, I Would Not Try To Get Into It
Rather than escalate the situation, I would always just say that we were friends and that my partner had nothing to worry about.
Which was true, but also I have to admit: the guys were also kind of right.
The Truth Is, I Have Hooked Up With Some Of My Guy Friends
Not all at once of course.
But, to be honest, over the course of my friendship with each of them, there has been a time where things got a little more than platonic.
The Circumstances Were Different For Each
For some of them, it was one drunken make-out after a night on the town.
We would wake up the next morning and laugh it off like it was nothing.
Some Were A Little More Intense
One of my closest guy friends right now is someone who I was regularly getting naked with for several months.
We eventually called it quits and have remained platonic since.
I Think A Lot Of Adult Friendships Start Off Less Than Friendly
Since high school, most of the friendships I have with men started because one of us was interested in the other as more than a friend.
They wanted to date me or vice versa.
Of Course, That Phase Is Over
Naturally, I wouldn’t stay friends long-term with a guy I still had feelings for if I knew he had feelings for me.
Honestly, the more I got to know each of the guys, the more the romantic interest faded. There’s nothing really left there.
Would Things Ever Get Physical Again?
Honestly, apart from going back to perhaps having an accidental drunken make-out sometime, I definitely don’t see myself ever hooking up with a guy friend again.
Like, I think it could happen if I suggested it, but I don’t think I ever will.
…But Obviously, My Boyfriend Doesn’t Want To Know That
I can understand why he probably wouldn’t want to know that the group of guys we go to barbecues with and I have gotten physical before.
I mean, I wouldn’t particularly want to know if the roles were reversed.
I Think It Would Just Create Tension For Nothing
I have never and (am almost completely certain) I would never cheat on a romantic partner.
However, I feel like letting my boyfriend know that my friendships with some guys haven’t always been completely platonic will only foster doubts.
We Tend To Fear People’s Pasts
In general, the idea that two people who were previously involved might once again get involved is pretty pervasive.
I mean, is there anyone we feel more threatened about than a partner’s past ex?
…But The Past Doesn’t Have To Affect The Present
Just because two people had a physical history doesn’t particularly mean that it would happen again.
I definitely would not get back involved with any of my guy friends now and I know my boyfriend has nothing to worry about that, but communicating that might not be all that comforting for him.
It’s Not All That Uncommon Across The Board
I asked some of my other female friends for their opinion on hooking up with male friends.
In turn, they shared their experiences, and overall, they all had slightly different levels of physical intimacy in their relationships with their male friends.
Some Had Hooked Up With All Of Their Male Friends
A couple of my friends said that they had hooked up with all of their male friends at some point without there even being a smidgen of romantic attraction between them.
In fact, one had done it just because they were curious about how good of a kisser each of her guy friends was.
Some Couldn’t Even Stomach The Idea
Two of my other friends literally looked disgusted at the idea of hooking up with one of their male friends.
They continued to say that they didn’t know if they could maintain a friendship with a guy they were genuinely physically attracted to.
All Came To The Same Conclusion Though
At the end of all the discussion, however, all of my female friends came to the same conclusion.
They all agreed that they would never jeopardize their actual relationship by hooking up with a guy friend.
Unless You’re Suspicious Of Current Behaviors, Leave It Be
It’s one thing if a partner is consistently getting a little too flirty or close with a partner of the opposite sex right in front of you.
It’s another thing entirely if it’s a thing of the past.
If I Wanted Him, I Probably Would Have Him
Perhaps the most reassuring thing I can tell my boyfriend is that, if I really wanted to be with one of my guy friends, it probably would have already happened and my boyfriend and I wouldn’t be together in the first place.
I chose my boyfriend and I’m going to keep choosing him first. What happened in the past isn’t relevant.