Why I Think It’s Actually Okay To Ignore The Red Flags

This may be an unpopular opinion, but I'm here to tell you that sometimes when you really like someone, it's okay to stay.

There are more instances than not where you should be able to look past the red flags. I'm not saying you should indulge in a toxic relationship, but a red flag isn't always a dealbreaker. Bear with me as I lay out my case to you.

Red, Ready

traffic light is on red
Photo Credit: Pexels Zeg / Photo
Photo Credit: Pexels Zeg / Photo

First, we should probably define what even makes a red flag. It's usually something that your partner does that indicates a lack of respect, integrity, or interest in the relationship, like jealousy or a lack of communication.

There is a long list of possible red flags, but it's basically anything that makes you uncomfortable or doesn't mesh with you.

ADVERTISEMENT

Yellow, Set

ADVERTISEMENT
traffic light over tracks shows yellow light
Photo Credit: Joe Roberts / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Joe Roberts / Unsplash
ADVERTISEMENT

Maybe you didn't know this, but then there are also yellow flags. They're basically less serious red flags or potential red flags.

ADVERTISEMENT

They're not immediate dealbreakers because they can just be a misunderstanding or at least something that can be worked on.

ADVERTISEMENT

Green, Go

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT
green light hung up on cord
Photo Credit: Carlos Alberto Gomez Iniguez / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Carlos Alberto Gomez Iniguez / Unsplash
ADVERTISEMENT

Then there are the green flags, which, just with like traffic lights, mean the coast is clear for smooth sailing.

ADVERTISEMENT

The green flags indicate good qualities and a healthy foundation for the relationship. They predict that you'll be able to handle conflict and stresses well. As you've noticed, these flags are all predictions of behaviors that haven't happened yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

Why Are Boxing Ourselves In?

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT
woman holding box in front of yellow wall
Photo Credit: Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels
Photo Credit: Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels
ADVERTISEMENT

Our whole daily lives are based on boxes of what we need to get done in a day and how to do it. Maybe it's because we're already conditioned to live that way that we bring this way of thinking into our relationships as well.

ADVERTISEMENT

However, by evaluating someone's potential for us through these flags, we end up limiting both ourselves and them.

ADVERTISEMENT

We Forgot About Gray

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT
woman sitting in front of grey backdrop for photoshoot
Photo Credit: Dziana Hasanbekava / Pexels
Photo Credit: Dziana Hasanbekava / Pexels
ADVERTISEMENT

None of the previously mentioned flag colors take into account all the gray areas in between. Just like no person or situation is black and white, no behavior can be red, yellow, or green either.

ADVERTISEMENT

Instead, we need to take each issue and treat it on a case-by-case basis. Did they mean it? Will they repeat it? Why did they do it? Those questions all make the gray area.

ADVERTISEMENT

Someone Will Always Have An Opinion

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT
three people talking while standing at coffeeshop
Photo Credit: Cotton Bro / Pexels
Photo Credit: Cotton Bro / Pexels
ADVERTISEMENT

Most of these red flags are agreed upon universally. For example, everyone would agree that cheating is a red flag or a deal-breaker. Yet, some people still choose to forgive and give their partner another chance and the relationship succeeds.

ADVERTISEMENT

If we were to do or not do something just because someone else thinks it's best, we're not likely to do what is best for us.

ADVERTISEMENT

There's Always An Exception

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT
woman smelling flower in a field
Photo Credit: Ricardo Esquivel / Pexels
Photo Credit: Ricardo Esquivel / Pexels
ADVERTISEMENT

There's always that one exception to the rule. Life itself is too unpredictable to be able to say that a person's actions will reflect the entire relationship you'll have with them.

ADVERTISEMENT

Just because someone didn't have friends and that turned out to be a red flag, it doesn't mean that someone else without friends would make a bad partner.

ADVERTISEMENT

We Miss Out On Opportunities

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT
Man and woman holding hands with string lights
Photo Credit: anastasiya Lobanovskaya / Pexels
Photo Credit: anastasiya Lobanovskaya / Pexels
ADVERTISEMENT

We're not perfect—we're actually deeply flawed, and that's just the reality. If we were to walk from every person who showed signs of a red flag, we might as well just move into a cave because there would be no one left.

ADVERTISEMENT

We tend to leave too early at the sight of a red flag instead of taking a chance on someone who will be constantly changing and evolving—someone who could surprise us.

ADVERTISEMENT

We Keep Trying To Change Each Other

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT
Woman holds man's face in bed
Photo Credit: Pixabay / Pexels
Photo Credit: Pixabay / Pexels
ADVERTISEMENT

It's okay to want to be better and to want the best for ourselves, but this has a limit. We keep dating people based on their potential and get frustrated at them when they're not changing fast enough to meet it.

ADVERTISEMENT

Instead, we could be accepting people for who they are, good and bad, and changing alongside them.

ADVERTISEMENT

We're Never Satifised With What We Have

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT
man holding woman under an umbrella who seems to be pulling away
Photo Credit: Shukhrat Umarox / Pexels
Photo Credit: Shukhrat Umarox / Pexels
ADVERTISEMENT

We're always expecting the relationship to grow, to get better, and to make it to the next milestone. We're always wanting our partner to give more or to change in some way.

ADVERTISEMENT

We hold onto the idea of the red flag as our out. We look for the flags before we've even had a chance to enjoy what we have. Often, this is how we self-sabotage.

ADVERTISEMENT

We're Constantly Living In The Future

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT
woman pointing to hologram
Photo Credit: Ali Pazani / Pexels
Photo Credit: Ali Pazani / Pexels
ADVERTISEMENT

We're always chasing more and wondering what's next, as if the next thing will always be better. We bring the same mentality to our relationship. We keep waiting for the "right" person and dismissing great people over red flags.

ADVERTISEMENT

We forgot how to compromise or get to know people outside of our realm of "green flags."

ADVERTISEMENT

We Stop Taking Risks

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT
woman on swing over cliff looking down
Photo Credit: Artem Beliaikin / Pexels
Photo Credit: Artem Beliaikin / Pexels
ADVERTISEMENT

Red flags have not only become reasons to stop talking to some people, but reasons we don't start talking to others in the first place. We're afraid we'll fall for the wrong person, so we don't give anyone a chance.

ADVERTISEMENT

We don't want to risk getting hurt, so we pass on people who might have been good for us.

ADVERTISEMENT

We Grow With Every Passing Minute

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT
palm of hand holds standing plant
Photo Credit: Akil Mazumder / Pexels
Photo Credit: Akil Mazumder / Pexels
ADVERTISEMENT

Let's say you do notice some red flags with someone—this doesn't mean that that person is now defined and limited by them. I mean, people are capable of change and growth, and we're constantly changing anyway with each passing moment.

ADVERTISEMENT

Rather than walking away, there's space where you could talk to them about it and work with them to turn the red into green.

ADVERTISEMENT

We Give Too Much Weight To The Words Of Our Friends And Family

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT
two women balancing books on their heads and laughing
Photo Credit: Ichad Windhiagiri / Pexels
Photo Credit: Ichad Windhiagiri / Pexels
ADVERTISEMENT

Although some red flags are agreed upon almost universally, many are actually relative. It depends on trust, communication, comfort, environment, etc.

ADVERTISEMENT

Just because your friends keep warning you that your man has a lot of female friends, that doesn't mean you actually need to worry if you trust them. You're the one in the relationship, not them.

ADVERTISEMENT

You Have Your Own "Red Flags"

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT
woman leaning against a bed looking sad
Photo Credit: Sofia Alejandra / Pexels
Photo Credit: Sofia Alejandra / Pexels
ADVERTISEMENT

It's not like you and I don't also come with our fair share of red flags. I can be impulsive and even irrational at times. I often spiral. This doesn't make me any less worthy of love, and it doesn't mean I'm not working on it.

ADVERTISEMENT

Just like I expect someone to love me regardless and work with me, I need to do the same.

ADVERTISEMENT

Our Standards And Expectations Will Change

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT
close up of woman writing in journal
Photo Credit: Kaboompics / Pexels
Photo Credit: Kaboompics / Pexels
ADVERTISEMENT

Realistically, the standards, needs, and expectations you have for a partner now aren't the same ones you had before your last ex, or even just last year. Your situation has changed, you've grown, and you've learned. Along with that, your red flags have also changed.

ADVERTISEMENT

Just like you regretted not seeing a red flag in a past relationship, you don't want to also regret thinking something is a red flag that wasn't.

ADVERTISEMENT

We Need To Stop Chasing Ideals

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT
man holding newspaper rolled up and thinking
Photo Credit: Maksim Goncharenok / Pexels
Photo Credit: Maksim Goncharenok / Pexels
ADVERTISEMENT

There's no such thing as the "ideal" relationship. They're hard work from beginning to end, but they're also rewarding.

ADVERTISEMENT

Rather than chasing someone who meets the ideal from the start, it might be worth taking a chance on someone who's willing to always better themselves but who acknowledges that'll never truly be perfect.

ADVERTISEMENT

"Red Flag" And "Toxic" Aren't Synonyms

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT
woman laying with rose petals and a flower in her mouth
Photo Credit: Vlada Karpovich / Pexels
Photo Credit: Vlada Karpovich / Pexels
ADVERTISEMENT

Toxic behavior can be based on red flags, but red flags aren't always toxic. They're not one and the same.

ADVERTISEMENT

You should definitely always leave someone who is toxic, but you can take a chance on someone who shows some red flags. It depends on how their red flags affect you and if they can be worked on.

ADVERTISEMENT

Patience Is A Virtue

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT
woman holding coffee by the water and sitting looking at it
Photo Credit: Engin Akyurt / Pexels
Photo Credit: Engin Akyurt / Pexels
ADVERTISEMENT

The thing with red flags is they're not set in stone. People aren't born with them and don't have to die with them either. Sometimes, you just need to be patient with someone, to give them the time to realize the impact of their behavior and figure out how to change it.

ADVERTISEMENT

It's okay to set a limit for how long you're willing to wait, however.

ADVERTISEMENT

Proceed With Caution

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT
caution signs on the floor
Photo Credit: Oliver Hale / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Oliver Hale / Unsplash
ADVERTISEMENT

I'm still reasonable, and I will never advocate for someone to stay in an unhealthy relationship. I have to acknowledge that some red flags are non-negotiable, and if you do ignore or miss them, you risk getting hurt. All I'm saying is that we shouldn't assume everything is a red flag and always take it as a dealbreaker.

ADVERTISEMENT

People can work on their flags, and if you don't give them the chance to, you might be the one who misses out.