Why I Think It’s Okay To Get Back With Your Ex Despite Your Friends’ Warnings
They say that an ex is an ex for a reason, and while that is true, it's a very limiting statement. People are constantly evolving, growing, and changing. Over the time you've been apart, your ex might have too.
That means that are some cases where a breakup shouldn't be final, and even if your friends discourage it, you may end up happier if you get back together.
Everyone Is Capable Of Growth
To refuse to get back together with someone because of the person they once were is to refuse the fact that we're all capable of growth.
Before you decide to completely rule out a person, it may be worth giving them a chance to prove to you how time has made them wiser.
They've Truly Shown Remorse
There's a difference between apologizing over and over again just to get with them again and receiving a genuine apology that shows acceptance, responsibility, remorse, and a desire to change.
We learn by making mistakes—it's what makes us human. If their mistake has truly helped teach them, then they're unlikely to repeat it.
You Don't Want To Live With Regrets
You can either sit here wondering for the rest of your life what would have happened if you gave this person a second chance, or you can go to actually find out.
It will go one of two ways. Either you'll end right back where you are now, or it'll pay off and you'll be happy together.
Everyone Reaches A Threshold
If you still feel like you have it within you to keep trying with someone, then you haven't truly reached your limit of how much you can give or take from them.
Everyone reaches that limit at some point, and you might not find closure for the relationship until you reach it.
Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder
If you've spent enough time apart from each other, then you've likely started to miss each other. Before the breakup, you were in a mindset that only focused on their faults.
When you miss someone, you start to remember the good things about them and the reasons that you fell for them in the first place.
You've Had The Chance To Date Other People
Dating other people teaches you a lot about what you like, what you can put up with, and what you're truly looking for.
Look for patterns and notice if you're simply trying to replace your ex by finding an upgraded version of them. If it all leads back to your ex anyway, why not give them the chance to better themselves?
Being Away Hurts More
We're not saying you should compare the pain of being with them with the pain of being away from them.
But if you truly feel unhappy without them, and you're staying away simply because you don't feel like it's your place to go back or it's looked down upon, or you're worried about what people will think, then your own it. Your happiness is more important.
You Regret The Reason You Broke Up
Often, an issue feels worse in the heat of the moment, but when you really think about the reasons that you broke up, you realize they really weren't a big deal after all.
If you know you can forgive and actually work through those issues, then it's at least worth trying.
It Was Simply Bad Timing
Even if two people who truly connect and love each other meet at a bad time, they might still not work out. That doesn't mean, if their paths cross again at a better time, that they should just give up.
If the timing feels more right this time, then you'll be in a better place to work on the relationship.
The Good Outweighs The Bad
If you were to make a list of the pros and cons of your ex and the role they played in the relationship, which list would win out?
Everyone has some flaws. If those flaws can be outweighed by their good side, then it may be worth accepting and overlooking.
Enough Time Has Passed
Time heals all wounds, right? Maybe all you two needed was some time apart to find yourselves again.
Some studies actually show that after 21 days of no contact, the brain starts to let go of the bad memories associated with a person, and replaces them with the good. The more time that passes, the easier it is to forgive.
You Gave Up Before Trying Everything
If the reason you two broke up is no longer a problem, or it's a problem that can be worked on, then maybe you gave up too early.
The presence of an issue doesn't make it hopeless if both parties are willing to work through it. Therapy, communication, active listening, and check-ins work wonders.
You're Both At Different Points In Your Lives
The way that life works, there are some things that you just need to do alone. Maybe you need to move for a job or just be independent for a while.
If you've achieved the things you needed to do without each other, then there's no harm in sharing the fruits of your labor with each other and doing the rest together.
The Grass Isn't Greener Anywhere Else
You might have broken up thinking the grass was greener on the other side, only to realize it isn't. In fact, the grass is looking a bit dead.
You often don't realize what you have until it's gone, but you need to see it for yourself. If life is better with them in it, then bring them back.
You're Willing To Accept The Bad In Each Other
There are other times where the question isn't whether your ex has changed or can change, but whether you're willing to accept each other with the bad included. Without changing.
Sometimes, it takes time and effort to be willing to take someone for all that they are, and that often starts by accepting all that you are too.
You Stayed Friends While Broken Up
If you've proven to each other that you can remain amicable and supportive of each other no matter what, then you've already built a solid foundation of mutual respect and trust that you can build a romantic relationship on.
Often, it's simply that you need to be friends first so that you can be lovers second.
It Just Feels Right
It's okay to not have a specific logical reason why you want to get back together with an ex other than it simply feels right. Much of what makes up love is illogical anyway.
Trust your intuition, it often precedes your own conscious thoughts, and it's there for a reason.
You're Willing To Accept That It Still Might Not Work Out
If you do decide to do it, I do warn you that it comes with no guarantees. You have worked hard to get through the first breakup, but if a second one happens, it'll hurt just as much.
However, this is the same risk you would take with a new relationship with someone else, so it may still be worth it.
I Got Back Together With My Ex
If it's any consolation, you won't be the first or the last person who got back together with an ex. I did it, and I still don't know if it was the right choice or not, but I thought it was worth finding out.
Like I said earlier, love only goes two ways, either it lasts forever or it ends.
Your Friends Aren't The Ones Who'll Date Them
At the end of the day, as valuable as your friends' advice is, especially because they're looking out for you, they're not the ones who once dated your ex, nor will they be the ones to do it now.
If they're good friends, they'll support you either way. Even if it's a mistake, it's your mistake to make and learn from.
