If You’re Doing These Things, You Probably Haven’t Moved On Yet

You can tell yourself that you’ve moved on from your ex all you want, but there is a big difference between saying you’ve moved on and actually having done it.

Coming to terms with your feelings and being ready to open yourself up to someone new isn’t easy, and everybody goes at their own pace. There’s nothing wrong with that, but hiding your feelings from yourself isn’t going to help. If you’re doing these things, you probably haven’t moved on fully yet, no matter how many times you tell yourself you’re over them.

You Haven’t Dated Anyone Else Since

man and woman standign smiling at each other
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Alan Quirvan
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Alan Quirvan

No one is going to force you to get back in the dating game until you’re ready, but the fact that you still haven’t dated anyone since your breakup probably means you’re not quite over them yet.

You Drop What You’re Doing To Help Them

man and woman seated in booth looking at laptop
Photo Credit: Pexels
Photo Credit: Pexels

If you’re still in contact with your ex and they contact you because they need help with something or want to talk about something, what’s your response? Do you drop whatever you’re doing or cancel your plans to make time for them?

You Do A Deep Dive Into Their Social Media

close up of person holding phone scrolling through photo app
Photo Credit: Pexels / Lisa Fotios
Photo Credit: Pexels / Lisa Fotios

One post from them comes up on your Instagram feed and suddenly you’re checking their story, scrolling through dozens of their old posts, and you’re looking for any clues in their most recent posts to see if they miss you like you miss them.

You Still Include Them In Plans

three men and one woman in parking lot walking towards camera dressed for summer
Photo Credit: Pexels
Photo Credit: Pexels

If they’re a part of your friend group, you make an effort now to always include them, and maybe even prioritize what they want to do or what nights work for them. You want to see them, even if it’s in a group of people, and you stare longingly at him from the other end of the table for the whole night.

You Worry About Them Seeing You With Someone Else

man seated with arm around woman standing both laughing outdoors
Photo Credit: Pexels
Photo Credit: Pexels

Whether you’re out on a date or out with just a friend, you worry that your ex is going to see you and think that you’ve moved on. Which is something you’ve supposedly already done, right?

You Still Reach To Call Them First

man seated outdoors one hand in pocket one hand holding phone looking down
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Timi David
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Timi David

When something exciting happens in your life or you have a ridiculously bad day, you go to call them or text them and then remember that they’re not supposed to be your person anymore.

You Can’t Get Rid Of Their Belongings

woman in white knit sweater clutching book to chest
Photo Credit: Unsplash
Photo Credit: Unsplash

Normally, after a couple breaks up, they might do the semi-awkward exchange of things they left at the other person’s house, but someone who hasn’t moved on is probably holding onto that forgotten sweater for dear life.

You Want To Get Back At Them

woman with shoulder length dark hair half turned away from camera
Photo Credit: Pexels
Photo Credit: Pexels

Hate to break it to you, but if you were truly over someone and moved on, you wouldn’t be interested in getting revenge or trying to get them back for some past behavior.

Your Conversations Often Lead Back To Them

group of three women all in denim seated in flower field one woman looking down at phone
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Priscilla Du Preez
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Priscilla Du Preez

You still like to tell stories from when you were together, and a majority of your conversations somehow end up relating back to them even if it’s a stretch. That’s not to say you shouldn’t ever talk about them; they were a part of your life and it’s normal for them to be in the occasional story or shared memory, but how often is too often?

You Lie To Your Friends About Moving On

woman on couch at home with drink covered in blanket
Photo Credit: Pexels
Photo Credit: Pexels

There’s no timeline that you’re required to stick to when it comes to moving on. The most important thing is being honest with yourself. When your friends ask you how you’re doing or ask if you’re seeing anyone new, you shouldn’t feel the need to lie and say you’ve moved on if you haven’t.

You Ask About Them

group of four young people seated on cement edge outside talking
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Kate Kalvach
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Kate Kalvach

You try to be as subtle as possible, but I guarantee your friends know what you’re doing when you casually ask about how your ex-boyfriend is doing or ask what your ex-girlfriend has been up to.

You Look For Them In Public Places

crowd of people walking through public place
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Timon Studler
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Timon Studler

If you’re in a bar that you know they frequent or even the grocery store that’s closest to their house, you’re scanning the crowd in hopes that maybe you’ll see them there. Then you can initiate that super casual conversation that you definitely haven’t thought about ahead of time.

You’re Holding On To A Lot Of Anger

black and white photo woman in denim jacket staring hard into camera
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Ryan Jacobson
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Ryan Jacobson

This can go hand in hand with wanting to get back at them for something. If you’re holding onto anger or resentment, it only affects you and makes your own life more difficult.

You Keep Nights Free

woman lying on couch in sweat pants lounging in sun
Photo Credit: Pexels
Photo Credit: Pexels

You tell yourself that it’s because you want a relaxing night in or you just don’t feel like meeting your friend for drinks, but a small part of you knows you’re doing it just in case a certain someone reaches out.

You Insist On Being Friends With Them

man and woman seated on edge at beach not touching legs danglign
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Priscilla Du Preez
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Priscilla Du Preez

Even if you had a messy breakup or were really hurt by them, you insist on trying to stay friends with them and keep them in your life in any way possible.

You Compare Others To Them

man and woman seated on patio in sun on date
Photo Credit: Pexels / Jodie Louise
Photo Credit: Pexels / Jodie Louise

It seems like every interaction you have with someone who’s interested in you is measured up against what your ex would have done in that situation or how your ex would have reacted.

You Spend A Lot Of Time Reminiscing

pile of polaroids spread out on desk
Photo Credit: Unsplash
Photo Credit: Unsplash

Many an evening has been spent listening to those albums that they used to love or looking through photos, thinking about all the great times you had. That’s when you have to remind yourself that there’s a reason you’re no longer together, whatever it may be.

You Refuse To Go To Things If You Know They’ll Be There

large group of people at bonfire outdoors
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Emily HoeHenrieder
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Emily HoeHenrieder

On the flip side of always wanting to be around them, we have the people who actively avoid any social commitments where they know that their ex might also be there or might also be invited by a mutual friend.

You Won’t Let Anyone Speak Badly About Them

man in black striped shirt speaking to man in white shirt looking defensive
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Yuvraj Singh
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Yuvraj Singh

Even though you supposedly have no attachment to them anymore, you still fiercely defend them anytime someone says something remotely negative. It doesn’t matter if the comment is completely warranted because your ex was the worst, you’ll still defend them.

You’re Harboring That Secret Hope Of Rekindling Your Relationship

woman in white shirt black bottoms hugging man in white dress shirt outside
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Priscilla Du Preez
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Priscilla Du Preez

You can’t be truly moved on while also simultaneously telling yourself that you’d be open to trying again if they happened to come crawling back to you begging for forgiveness. You’ve got to pick a lane here.