If You’re Doing These Things, You Might Be Sabotaging Your Relationship
Dating is tough even when it's good, we all know this. But what happens when you're the one standing in your own way and you don't even know it? Sometimes, we are our own worst enemy.
But, what happens when we don't even know that we are the ones sabotaging our own relationships? Take a step back and look at yourself and see if you might recognize any of these patterns.
You're Letting Your Insecurities Run The Relationship
Being insecure is something that we all deal with at one point or another. Sometimes, these insecurities take the driver's seat and take us on a wild ride that is upsetting at best.
Letting your insecurities about yourself take charge is going to make you seem like you don't have it together, and it might make you seem flaky or stop you from being able to trust your partner or yourself.
You're Jealous Of His Friends
Think of how much you love your friends and how important they are to your life. Now imagine if your partner didn't really like them? Yeah, it's not a pretty picture.
Now, this is what it's like only worse when you're jealous of his friends. The person you're dating is allowed to have a life outside of your relationship. And spending all your time with the person you're dating isn't really healthy anyway.
You're Always Looking For Compliments
It's nice to hear that your partner is thinking of you or likes the way you're wearing your hair, but those kinds of compliments should come naturally, and in a good relationship they will.
You shouldn't be pushing your partner to compliment you all the time. If you have to constantly be asking for their validation, is it even going to mean as much?
You Overthink And Overanalyze Everything
Overthinking is the best way to ruin anything, but it isn't the easiest thing to stop doing. A lot of the time, we don't even know that we are doing it.
But overthinking is something that is going to cause you to fall into deep pits of "what ifs," and those are usually about situations that aren't very likely to happen. It's going to cause fights and it's going to make you insecure and on edge.
You Always Think He's Lying
If you always think that your partner is lying, then one of two things is going on. Either they are always lying and that's a huge problem, or you're making things up.
If it's that you are making things up in your mind, ask yourself why. Is it because you have been in bad relationships in the past? Is it because you're feeling insecure? Are you reluctant to let someone into your life in a real way?
You're Being A Little Too Needy
When you love someone, you want to see them as often as you can and you want to know what's going on in their world. That's great, and it's how it should be.
But you also need room to breathe and to be your own individual, and if you're being too needy and taking that away from each other, you're going to have some problems.
You're Comparing Him To Your Exes
Past relationships are going to play a role in our current relationships whether we like it or not because that's the experience we have to draw from, that we learn and grow from.
However, if you're constantly comparing the people you're dating to your exes, that isn't a good sign. Those relationships didn't work, so you don't want them to be like your exes, necessarily, and if you're wishing your new partner was an ex, then you're not over it.
You're Emotionally Overdependant
Being in love with someone is one of the most vulnerable things that you can do, and it's scary. It's hard putting that in someone else's hands.
If you're looking to your partner for all the validation you need to be a functioning person, and if your mood is completely dependant on theirs, that isn't sustainable.
You Don't Really Consider His Feelings
When you're in a relationship, it's important to know that you've invited this person into your life and that means factoring them into your life. It's hard to really do that in a real way.
If you're making big life plans in your life without taking into account your partner's feelings and their own plans, that's not a great sign.
You're Putting Too Much Pressure On Him And The Relationship
The start of the relationship is the most exciting and the most frustrating time, because you're not really sure what's going to happen.
In those early days, it can be a turn-off if the person you're seeing is sensing that you're desperate to be in a relationship. They might feel like you want to be in any relationship, not just with them, or they may feel like you're only going to be more overwhelming and demanding as time goes.
You're Focusing More On What's Wrong Than What's Right
No relationship is ever going to be perfect, most of us know that. There is always going to be good and bad, but the good should outweigh the bad.
If you're someone who is always focusing on the bad, and someone who is really negative, you might be someone who ends up being hard to be around.
You Expect Your Partner To Think And Act Like You
There are so many people in the world, and there are no two people who are going to be the same, and there is something that's really exciting about that. You want someone who compliments you.
That means that they're going to think and act differently than you. You can't expect the person you're with to be the same as you. That's going to cause you to assume things that aren't true.
You Hold Grudges, Big Time
It's hard to fight right. It takes a lot of practice and learning, and, well, fighting to figure that out. It also takes a lot of practice to learn to let things go. Not every fight has to be long and drawn out.
If you're someone who likes to hold a grudge, you might not be someone who is easy to be in a relationship with.
Your Expectations Are Sky High
It's important to want things from your life and to want things from your partner and your relationships. You need to look after yourself and then go for what you want.
However, you have to know when you have standards that aren't reasonable, and when your standards aren't going to be the same as someone else's. That's OK, as long as your standards aren't so high that there is no possible way another person could reach them.
You Take Everything Really Personally
When you're emotionally invested in someone, it's hard not to take the things your partner says or does personally because you love them and you want their support and approval.
But you can't take things personally all the time. Sometimes things happen by accident, or sometimes he wants to hang out with his friends or have some downtime, and that doesn't mean he doesn't want to see you.
You're Really Hard On Yourself
When you're hard on yourself, people are going to take notice of that. No one is going to be as hard on you as you are on yourself.
It might be difficult for someone to deal with the negativity of someone who is constantly so down. It takes a lot of energy out of someone, and if they feel like they don't know how to help you, that could be frustrating.
You Bring Up The Past Constantly
It's important to pay attention to patterns in behavior and take note when someone might be doing you harm in some way.
However, if you're in a good relationship, where there isn't any gaslighting and the person you're with is genuinely trying to be a good partner, there isn't any reason to keep bringing up arguments from the past that you both should have moved on from.
You Use The Silent Treatment
It's alright to need space when you're upset and not have the answers when you start having an intense conversation with someone. Everyone needs to approach those kinds of situations differently.
But if you're someone who is always giving their partner the silent treatment if things aren't going your way, that's immature and not being able to communicate properly is going to be a relationship-killer.
You Keep A Laundry List Of Your Partner's Faults
You can't be someone who keeps a list of your partner's faults locked and loaded for the moment that you and your partner start to disagree on something. That isn't fair and it shows a malicious attitude, even if that's not what consciously happening.
It isn't right to be mean to your partner that way, and if your partner is being that way to you, it might be time to leave that relationship.
You Always Need To Be Right
When we grow as a person, we see more and more that we don't always need to be right and that we don't always know everything the way we might have thought we did.
If you're an adult and you still can't admit when you might have been wrong and that makes you drag out arguments and never admit fault, that's not great.
