Dating Coach Explains Why If Men Say They’re ‘Busy’ It’s A Sign They’re Not Into You

Whether you’re dating someone new or hanging out with a friend, it can be a bit discouraging when they tell you they’re “busy” and eventually start sounding like a broken record. It shouldn’t be a big deal though, everyone gets busy with their lives, right?

One dating coach on TikTok doesn’t seem to think so, and in a now-viral video, she explains how when men say they’re “busy” it’s a subtle hint they’re just not into you.

A Budding Romance

Happy woman looks at her phone and sends a text while sitting at a cafe.
Photo Credit: RODNAE Productions / Pexels
Photo Credit: RODNAE Productions / Pexels

You’re casually seeing a new guy and you’re falling for him pretty hard. So, you text him and ask if he’d like to get drinks Friday night.

Suddenly, he texts you that he’s “busy” and over a bit of time, you start to notice that “busy” has become his new favorite buzzword. One woman on TikTok has now gone viral for explaining why the word “busy” is actually a red flag.

The TikTok

Woman standing with hand on hip; she's wearing a white blouse and purple skirt
Photo Credit: @ask.nelly / Instagram
Photo Credit: @ask.nelly / Instagram

Nelly, also known as @ask.nelly on TikTok and Instagram, is a self-described dating coach. With nearly 900,000 views and 77,000 likes, Nelly went viral for her potentially polarizing take on what it really means when men use the word “busy.”

She captions her TikTok with, “Ladies, if he uses this word.. beware.”

I’m “Busy”

Woman mid-sentence;
Photo Credit: @ask.nelly / TikTok
Photo Credit: @ask.nelly / TikTok

Nelly delves straight into the issue and begins the TikTok by saying, “There’s one word that a man will use around you if he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings, but also kind of wants to let you down lightly.”

She says in her experience when women have heard the word “busy” before in relationships, oftentimes they ignore it, make outright excuses for it, and even romanticize it.

So What Does “Busy” Really Mean?

Woman raising finger to the camera
Photo Credit: @ask.nelly / TikTok
Photo Credit: @ask.nelly / TikTok

She adds that on the opposite side, however, when her male clients use the word “busy” with women, they do indeed use it as a means of letting women down gently and as a subtle hint they’re just not interested in a romantic relationship.

“If a guy tells you he’s ‘too busy,’ what he really means is he doesn’t view you as a priority,” says Nelly.

Maybe They Actually Are Busy

TikTok comment: But what if he's actually busy and has a lot going on?
Photo Credit: @ask.nelly / TikTok
Photo Credit: @ask.nelly / TikTok

The TikTok quickly went viral for its unique take and users had a lot to say. Some people disagreed with Nelly’s black and white take and said that sometimes people just really are busy. Whether a demanding job or other life events, perhaps the word “busy” shouldn’t be too deeply read into.

“[There] are guys who are truly busy though and not trying to get away from you,” one user wrote.

Not A Priority

TikTok comment: Absolutely. If they want to make time for you, they will.
Photo Credit: @ask.nelly / TikTok
Photo Credit: @ask.nelly / TikTok

Other users, however, agreed with Nelly’s opinion and said that if someone truly cares about you and wants to make you a priority, they’ll find time for you, adding that “I’m busy” is a cop-out excuse. Other users had a slightly different take on what guys actually mean when they say the b-word.

“If he’s busy he’s usually talking to other women which to him is [he’s] busy,” one user wrote.