The beginning of a new relationship can be exhilarating, and it’s easy to get lost in daydreams of sharing a future with this person. But first, you need to be certain that they also feel the same way about you.
Cue the dreaded “we need to talk” conversation. It’s something every relationship has to first overcome, so here’s how to do it right.
A Feeling Of Butterflies
You’ve been casually dating a man now for a few months and you are falling head over heels for him. No one ever said dating would be easy, but when you find the right person, all the heartbreak from past relationships becomes worth it.
You both have a great time together, so now you start to wonder about the future. But does he feel the same way?
So, What Are We?
But when you think of your “relationship,” you aren’t quite sure what that means. You then realize that it’s officially time for “the talk.” It’s a dreaded conversation because you fear it might not go the way you want, but it’s important to define your relationship and see if there’s future potential. After all, your time is valuable and you deserve to have an answer.
Once you’ve decided that it’s time, there are a few things you should know.
Take A Step Back And Prepare
Before sitting him down and discussing a possible future together, you first need to wait for the perfect moment to have this conversation, and that can take time.
You don’t want to rush into a conversation when you’re in a negative emotional state and you want to have a clear mind. Secondly, the conversation might not go how you want, so take a deep breath and work through all possible scenarios in order to help alleviate any anxiety.
Have The Talk In Person
For potentially uncomfortable situations like this, it’s easy to want to rely on text or a phone call to avoid any in-person awkwardness. But a conversation this important demands an in-person heart-to-heart and full attention.
It’s also hard to determine tone over text. So if he’s not responding to a text for hours due to being busy or the tone of the conversation becomes misconstrued and things get heated, it can be a recipe for disaster.
Be Direct With What You Want
So you’re finally having “the talk.” If you want to take things to the next level and see a future together, this is where you express what the other person means to you and what you want in the relationship.
For any relationship to succeed, both people need to be on the same page. So major life choices such as whether or not to have kids or if you believe in marriage are also important to discuss so you know if your life goals align.
Keep The Conversation An Open Dialogue
Major life decisions like this can be a lot to take in, especially if the other person hasn’t given it as much thought as you have. The point is to keep the conversation an open and evolving dialogue.
People need time to think about how they truly feel and what they want out of a relationship and that can take time. Be respectful and patient, and don’t issue any ultimatums.
Now Pose The Question To Him
You’ve poured your heart out to him and have expressed how you feel and what you want out of your budding relationship. Now, it’s time to pose the same question to him.
“Do you see a future together?” or, “What do you want out of our relationship?” Simply ask the question in the way that feels best to you. There are no wrong answers.
Know Where You Both Stand
Now both of you have said your piece and laid your cards out on the table. After all, unless both parties have all the necessary information, it’s difficult to make a decision about what to do next.
So with this in mind, if some things about the relationship or his wants still aren’t clear, don’t be afraid to ask additional questions and get clarity. Conversations like these take time, so don’t rush through anything.
If you and your partner are happy and see a future together, then wonderful!
It may have been a rocky road to get to this point, but you now have the answer you’ve been after, your anxieties have been alleviated, and you can look ahead to the future.
Walk Away If Necessary
Unfortunately, however, sometimes things don’t work out the way you want them to. If by the end of your conversation you realize that they don’t see a future with you or you want different things in life, then perhaps it’s time to walk away.
While ending a relationship is heartbreaking, it’s better than wasting months or years of your life with a person who isn’t the one—and you deserve to find happiness.