How To Tell If You’re The Jealous Girlfriend, And How To Get Past It
No one likes to be with someone who is overly jealous or overbearing, and most people don't want to be that person either.
There's a reason they call jealousy the green-eyed monster, not the jolly green giant, but that doesn't mean that we're immune to it. Sometimes, you might fall into it without even realizing that you've become someone who doesn't trust their partner.
So how do you know if you've become the jealous girlfriend, and how can you move past it?
You're Constantly Looking Through Who He Follows On Instagram
It shouldn't matter who he's following on Instagram, because he's with you, but you still find yourself scrolling through the likes on his latest photo or through his followers list when you're feeling insecure.
You Only Want To Spend Time Alone Together
Rather than spending time with a group of friends on a Friday night, you want to spend all your time just the two of you so that he won't be distracted by anyone else.
You Automatically Jump To The Worst-Case Scenario
He's 15 minutes late coming home from work or he doesn't answer a text right away, and you immediately think that he must be with someone else or hiding something from you.
You Always Want To Be In Control
Jealousy can manifest itself in a lot of different ways, one of which is controlling behavior. You don't need to be checking in on who they're talking to every time they get a text, and you don't always need to be the one to decide where you're going to go out that night.
You Never Let Him Go To Boys' Nights
Whether it's because you don't like his friends or you want him to spend every Saturday night with you, he's at the point where he's stopped asking because he knows you'll get upset for him wanting to see his friends.
You Drop In On Him To See His Reaction
You feel the need to spontaneously drop in on him at work because of that coworker he once drove home, or to pop in to see him when his grabbing a drink with a "friend" because you want to make sure he is where he claims to be.
You Don't Trust Him Around Female Friends
Even though you have male friends and you believe that men and women can be platonic friends, that rule doesn't apply to him. Is it jealousy, or is it a deep-seated lack of trust? Either way, it's not good news.
You Get Upset If You Think He's Looking At Someone Else In Public
There is nothing wrong with simply glancing at another person when you're walking in public—in fact, it's pretty hard not to look at other people because that's how sight works—but you still get annoyed with him when you think he was checking someone else out.
You Expect Constant Communication
You want to know where they are at all times. You want him to text you throughout the day, call you when he can't be with you, and maybe even share his location with you.
You Check Their Cellphone Or Computer
More than just checking in on who they're following on Instagram, you've become the person who looks at their partner's phone every time they go to the bathroom or you check their laptop after they've fallen asleep.
Your Wants And Needs Always Take Top Priority
It's not realistic of you to expect that your needs or wants are always going to come before your partner's or anyone else's in every situation. You can't always be the priority.
Where Does Jealousy Come From?
Men and women get jealous for different reasons, and while there could be a number of reasons that you're feeling jealous in a situation with your partner, the biggest issue is usually trust.
Don't Be With Someone You Can't Trust
If you're continuing to choose partners that you don't feel like you can fully trust, you're going to continue to find yourself acting like a jealous girlfriend, because you're always going to end up being jealous.
It's Not Only About Them
What's the point of staying in a relationship with someone if you don't feel like you can trust them? Beyond their trustworthiness, there are a few other reasons you might be feeling jealous, most of which have to do with your own issues.
Someone Has Betrayed You Before
A pretty typical reason for someone to be jealous or overbearing in a current relationship is because of something that happened in a previous one. If someone cheated on you before or wasn't honest with you, then you might expect your current partner to do that. You have to remember, though, that you left that relationship for a reason and you're in a new one.
You're Insecure
You probably didn't need someone to tell you that you're feeling insecure in a relationship and that's what's causing you to call him 10 times while he's out with his friends, but we're saying it.
You Have Differing Attachment Styles Or Love Languages
What one person perceives as jealousy might be perceived as being madly in love by another person. It's possible that the way that you express emotion or the way you attach yourself to someone is different than your partner. In that case, you might need to look at if you're actually with the right person.
You Have Unrealistic Standards
Could the reason that you're left feeling jealous or unfulfilled in your relationship simply be that you're expecting too much from your partner? Your relationship isn't going to be free of conflicts or mixed emotions, and thinking that it'll be perfect will only lead to more confusing feelings.
You're Overcompensating
You might know, deep down, that you're not in the right relationship, but you want to make it work, so you end up overcompensating. You want to spend all your time together or always know what he's doing because you think it'll bring you closer together—but it can have the opposite effect.
How Do You Solve It? Communication
The best way to solve your issues is to talk to your partner about them. It's not groundbreaking advice, and you've definitely heard it before, but that's because it actually works. Talk with your boyfriend about the issues you're having or the way you're feeling, and you'll be able to fix it.
