How To Tell If You Have Abandonment Issues
Past relationships that didn't end well tend to have lingering effects on people. One of the most common problems is abandonment issues.
Maybe you're incredibly jealous now, or you get anxiety when your partner goes away for the weekend. There are tons of ways to spot if you have the underlying problem, and we're here to help.
You Can't Handle Negative Comments
For some, issues surface when a person might take a playful jab at their partner.
If you can't handle blunt, well-intended remarks, you might be someone who has abandonment issues.
You Can't Seem To Trust Your Partner
No matter what your partner does to prove he or she deserves your trust, you can't seem to put your faith in them.
What's holding you back might be fear of abandonment.
You Often Feel Insecure
Past burns can have lasting effects on people that might take a little extra time to heal.
Feeling insecure a lot means the abandonment concerns haven't left you yet, so it's best to handle that.
Hesitant To Invest In A Relationship
Why invest in something if you think it isn't going to work?
The key word in that sentence is think, since the fear of abandonment seems to be running your mind.
Emotional Intimacy Isn't Your Thing
Physical connection is important, but emotional intimacy is the foundation of a healthy relationship.
Not feeling comfortable showing that side of yourself can be a huge detriment and indicates a bigger issue.
You Stick Around Although There's Nothing Left
Here's a big sign you shouldn't ignore: if you have every reason to leave a situation but continue to stay, then you have some unresolved trauma inside of you still.
Ask yourself, is the situation you're in healthy?
Actively Looking For Flaws
Why else would you want to look for flaws in someone? Nobody's perfect, including you, so you're always going to find something wrong with your partner.
Abandonment issues make you focus on the negatives while missing what's positive.
You Move On Too Quickly
When you fear getting left, you tend to be the one that leaves too early.
You subconsciously don't want them to move on from you, so you figure it's best to do it first.
You Get Attached Quickly
Getting to know someone takes time, so you can't expect things to instantly pop off after the first date.
Those with abandonment issues fall fast, but they tend to crash hard soon after.
You Like To Please
You enjoy making your partner happy because you don't want to give them any extra reason to leave you besides the weird reasons you already cooked up in your head.
You won't get abandoned because you didn't make the food fast enough, so relax.
You Hold In Your Anger Until You Erupt
Out of fear of causing unwanted conflict with things you keep bottled in, you risk the day that you'll eventually explode.
Allowing things to get pent up and explode is not a great strategy.
You're Controlling
Do you know why you're controlling your partner?
It's because you want things to happen how you like so that you can reduce the chances of getting left in the dust.
Sabotaging Your Own Relationship
Fear of abandonment leads people to act in strange ways.
One thing someone might do is undermine the quality of the relationship because they think things will go wrong soon enough.
Blaming Yourself
If you find yourself blaming everything that goes wrong on you, you've got some unhealed scars.
That's a certain sign of underlying attachment issues that you should deal with before getting into a relationship.
You're Hard On Yourself
There are different levels when it comes to being hard yourself. When making a genuine mistake, it's okay to feel bad.
But you should also know when it's okay to forgive yourself.
Over-Analyze Everything
This is something many people do, not only those with abandonment issues. To distinguish between normal and abnormal, pay attention to your actions when your partner doesn't do the thing you're used to them doing.
If you breathe a sigh of relief when normalcy returns, you might have abandonment issues.
Short Separations Make You Feel Anxious
If your babe goes away for the weekend, but you feel like a lost child without them, you need to work on your emotional strength.
Love trusts and leaves room for space; it's your abandonment issues that make you feel worse.
You Always Think They Will Leave
This might be the most obvious sign, but one you shouldn't get confused. If your partner does leave you a reason to believe that they are about to leave, you can worry.
Panicking otherwise is a bad sign.
You're Jealous Of Everyone In Their Life
Not a single person in their life makes you happy.
Do you know why this is the case? It's because you're afraid that one of these others will take your partner away from you.
Feeling You Aren't The Right One
Ever feel like you aren't the one for your partner? Even after countless times of that person assuring you that you're okay?
That's a sign you should start investing in your mental health.
You Need Constant Reassurance
You require your partner to reaffirm their feelings for you verbally all the time or to reassure you that they're not going anywhere due to your anxious fears of being left behind.
Sometimes you even feel a little needy.
You Think Partners Are Lying Without Any Clear Indicators
Even when a partner tells you that they love and care for you or reassures you that the people/things you have fears of are truly nothing to worry about, you think that they're lying to you.
This irrational fear is a result of past trauma.
You Feel Like You Have To Be Perfect To Keep A Partner
You never really let yourself be vulnerable or expose any of your weaknesses because you fear that, when you do, your partner will leave you.
In fact, you often try to perform a "perfect" version of yourself for a partner to minimize the chances of them leaving you.
Unfortunately, Your Fear Of Abandonment Is Hurting You
A fear of abandonment keeps you from ever truly enjoying a relationship, trusting a partner, or having emotional vulnerability or intimacy with a partner.
At the end of the day, it inhibits you from actually having a successful relationship.
Your Issues Can Make You A Bad Partner
Your personal abandonment issues can lead you to treat a partner unfairly in a way that can border on toxicity—you accuse them of things they've never done, you try to control them, and you never give them a healthy amount of trust.
You don't mean to do it, but it can happen.
It's Unfair To Saddle A Partner With The Weight Of Your Problems
While it's completely normal to ask a partner to be considerate of your personal issues and act in ways that help ease your anxieties, there is a point where it goes too far and you're forcing them to adapt to your problems rather than addressing them yourself.
This isn't going to work longterm.
So What Do You Do?
The first step is to figure out that you have abandonment issues and consider the ways in which it tends to affect you.
Once you can identify the problem, you're able to start addressing it.
Consider Where These Issues Come From
Abandonment issues come from traumatic experiences in one's past (e.g. an absent parent, a cheating partner in the past, etc.), so pinpointing where your issues stem from can be helpful to figure out how to combat them in the present.
It's the right place to start.
Therapy Might Be A Useful Tool
It can be hard to identify the exact source of your abandonment issues, and even harder to work through those issues alone, so getting the help of a therapist might be beneficial to you healing from your past emotional scars.
Professional help is always a good choice.
All In All, Abandonment Issues Aren't Forever
I'm not saying that your abandonment issues will disappear, but you can get to a place where they don't dictate your life and you truly do feel safe and secure in relationships—it takes a bit of work, but it's worth it.
You'll be a better version of yourself and a better partner.
