How To Stay Independent When You’re Madly In Love

Being an independent person can make dating hard sometimes. Yes, when you first start seeing someone it's really exciting and you want to spend as much time getting to know each other as possible, but there is still something inside you that doesn't feel whole unless you feel comfortable with yourself. It can be hard to feel that way when you're so involved with another person.

Luckily, there are some things you can do to make sure you keep your independence and have a healthy relationship.

Save Some Time Each Day For Yourself

a woman listening to music looking out the window
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Roberto Nickson
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Roberto Nickson

Carving out some time for yourself every day will go a long way to keeping your independence. It could even be as simple as taking 15 minutes in the morning to drink your coffee alone or spending an hour at the gym.

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Make A Point To Stay In Touch With Friends

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Photo Credit: Unsplash / Priscilla Du Preez
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Priscilla Du Preez
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When you start dating someone new, you inevitably lose touch with some of your friends. Try hard to make a point of seeing and staying in touch with your closest friends. Schedule a monthly girls' night, or try and do coffee once a week.

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Set Your Own Goals For Your Life

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Photo Credit: Unsplash / Christin Hume
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Christin Hume
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It's important that you have your own goals in life, as well as the ones for your relationship. If you have great career aspirations or want to accomplish certain things to feel successful, stick to them. Don't give them up if they may cause friction in your relationship.

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Think About Taking A Solo Vacation

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Photo Credit: Unsplash / Chen Mizrach
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Chen Mizrach
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Maybe you've always wanted to travel around Europe, or maybe you feel like a weekend away in a big city where you can take in some art and catch a movie. Either way, big or small, taking some time away on your own is a great idea.

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Make Sure You Have A Space That's All Yours

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Photo Credit: Unsplash / Azat Satlykov
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Azat Satlykov
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If you don't live together, spend at least one night a week at home. If you do live together, make sure that you have one corner of your home that's all yours. It will help keep your boundaries firm with your partner.

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Don't Be In Constant Contact With Your Partner

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Photo Credit: Unsplash / Jae Park
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Jae Park
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You're both busy people, so there is no need to be talking to one another all day long. Check in, send your "I love you" texts, but save the majority of your talking for when you're together.

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Make Plans Without Your Partner

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Photo Credit: Unsplash / Kelsey Chance
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Kelsey Chance
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Don't be afraid to say yes to plans without checking with your partner first. Doing things without them will help keep you independent and help you feel like you have your own life.

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Make Sure You Still Eat Solo Sometimes

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Photo Credit: Unsplash / Pablo Merchán Montes
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Pablo Merchán Montes
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It seems like a silly thing to do, but eating alone can be really refreshing and help you relax. Once in a while, take yourself out for a dinner or to Starbucks for a coffee to sip while reading a book.

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Learn To Recognize Your Own Feelings

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Photo Credit: Unsplash / Roberto Nickson
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Roberto Nickson
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Keeping in touch with your feelings will help you understand what your needs are. If you're starting to feel like you need some alone time, don't push yourself until you're about to have a breakdown.

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Speak Up When You're Upset

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Photo Credit: Unsplash / Priscilla Du Preeze
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Priscilla Du Preeze
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There are two of you in your relationship, and both your feelings count. It's OK for you to be vocal about your feelings and be honest with your partner when they do something that upsets you.

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Have A Hobby That's All Your Own

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Photo Credit: Unsplash / Bench Accounting
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Bench Accounting
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Having a hobby that is all your own will help you find that time to spend alone. Whether it's one you can do at home or something you have to leave your house for, it's important.

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Make Sure There Is Trust In Your Relationship

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Photo Credit: Unsplash / Alex Iby
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Alex Iby
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This one is big. You need to be able to trust that your relationship isn't going to fall apart when you need to take time to yourself. Being independent is part of a healthy relationship.

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Know That It's OK If You Disagree On Things

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Photo Credit: Unsplash / Milan Popovic
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Milan Popovic
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Sometimes, you and your partner are going to have to agree to disagree because you might have different opinions on the world. It's actually good to be with someone who isn't exactly like you.

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Have Open Communication In Your Relationship

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Photo Credit: Unsplash / Trung Thanh
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Trung Thanh
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You have to be able to feel like you can communicate your needs with your partner. If you feel like you need some time to yourself or want to go to an event with your friends, be honest.

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Keep Your Financial Independence

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Photo Credit: Unsplash / Freestocks
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Freestocks
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When you get to the point where you're living together, try and keep some of your finances in your own bank account. You don't need to be monitoring where each of you spends all your money. It comes down to trust.

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Treat Yourself Sometimes

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Photo Credit: Unsplash / Frankie Cordoba
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Frankie Cordoba
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Don't be afraid to spoil yourself. Buy yourself that outfit you love, splurge on your skincare, or, like we said above, take yourself on that vacation or out to that place you've always wanted to try.

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Be Willing To Compromise

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Photo Credit: Unsplash / Matheus Ferrero
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Matheus Ferrero
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Being an independent person means accepting that sometimes you might have to make some compromises. Just make sure that they aren't compromises that will change who you are or what your morals are.

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Don't Change If It Doesn't Come Naturally

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Photo Credit: Unsplash / Tachina Lee
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Tachina Lee
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Changing and growing is part of life, so it's only natural that you won't stay the same. But, make sure that when you do start to feel yourself changing, it isn't just because anyone else wants you to.

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Encourage Your Partner's Independence

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couple talking over coffee
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Jonathan J Castellon
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Jonathan J Castellon
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Independent people usually attract other independent people. Encourage each other to do things for yourselves and follow your own dreams. You can grow together as individuals and as a couple.

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Keep Taking Care Of Yourself

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a woman reading in the tub
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Ava Sol
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Ava Sol
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When you get into a relationship and it starts to get serious, we can stop putting our best foot forward all the time because we feel comfortable in our relationship. Don't stop putting your all into yourself because you're in love.