How Differences Between Men And Women Can Make Dating Confusing For Each Party
Dating can be difficult and confusing no matter who you are, but some of the most common problems that arise in heterosexual relationships come from the ways in which men and women are cognitively and socially different, which can make it harder to understand each other's needs, actions, and desires.
Here are how differences between men and women can complicate a relationship.
Men Tend To Compartmentalize Their Thoughts
A metaphor that often gets thrown around is that men's brains are like waffles: the whole thing is divided into neat little boxes so that feelings and thoughts are compartmentalized.
Women Tend To Connect Everything
In contrast, women's brains have been compared to spaghetti: every thought/feeling is a noodle, but they're all overlapping intertwined with each other so that every thought and feeling is seen in the context of their whole life.
Men Focus On How They Feel In The Moment
A guy might say things that reflect what he feels right then without any care for what it means in the big picture, but women often have trouble accepting that the emotions they express in a moment might not be representative of how they always feel.
Women Think About The Long-Term Earlier
In relationships, women have the long-term on their minds early. They consider the feelings they communicate and their future impact, and they imagine how a relationship would look down the road early on.
Men Tend To Process Emotions Alone Before Bringing Them Forward
When they have troubling emotions or they aren't sure how they feel, men tend to get quiet and retreat to figure out how they feel on their own before bringing it up with a partner.
Women Tend To Talk Through Their Feelings
Since women are often socialized to process their feelings with friends, they tend to talk through their feelings with someone else from start (confusion) to finish (conclusion) and figure out the nuances along the way.
Contrary To Popular Belief, Men Tend To Experience Feelings Of "Falling In Love" Faster
Although the media often depicts it the other way, psychological studies show that men, on average, report being in love with a partner much earlier in relationships and also tend to say "I love you" first.
However, Women Tend To Say "I Love You" More Often
Even after the words are out in the moment, women are more likely to verbally express that they love their partner. Women also tend to say "I love you" more often in general, including to friends and family.
Men Love Quickly, But More Widely
Men might tend to fall in love or experience strong romantic feelings faster, but they also tend to have those feelings for multiple people at once, often harboring crushes on multiple women.
Women Are More Likely To Focus Their Love
In contrast, women are slower to get romantic feelings for someone, but they tend to focus on that one person alone when they do start to catch feelings for them.
Men Are More Visually Oriented/Focus On Literal Things
Men are often visual creatures who care about sensory information they can see, touch, hear, or feel. When communicating, they focus on tangible information that they are able to touch upon as if it's evidence.
Women Are Feeling-Oriented And Are More Likely To Communicate In Figurative Ways
Women, in contrast, often put much more weight into their personal feelings regarding situations. Additionally, women tend to communicate their feelings through more figurative manners, such as metaphors and analogies.
Men Are More Likely To Run When They Feel Insecure/Insufficient In Relationships
When men start to feel like they're not good enough for a partner, their feelings are continuously unreciprocated, or simply insecure about the relationship, they're more likely to cut and run than address those feelings with a partner.
Women Tend To Grow Anxious Or Try To Prove Otherwise When They Feel Insecure/Insufficient In Relationships
Women also tend to avoid directly addressing their feelings of insecurity or insufficiency with a partner, but they instead react by internalizing those feelings, growing anxious, and trying to almost prove they are a good partner and that those feelings are invalid.
Men Try To Solve Problems Immediately
Men tend to be solution-oriented and therefore will immediately look for ways to solve a problem. This can be a problem in relationships when a female partner isn't looking for someone to solve everything for her.
Women Like To Vent Their Feelings Around Problems
Women tend to want to vent through the issue with someone else to express their feelings about a situation. They often end up solving the problem themselves, but they just want their feelings validated, which can be confusing to solution-oriented male partners.
When It Comes Down To It, Both Men And Women Look For Similar Things In A Relationship
At the end of the day, the similarities between men and women outweigh the differences in how they think—they want a companion who is respectful, fun, and compatible with them.
Remember That Your Partner May Not Think About Things Like You Do
It's important to learn how a partner might be cognitively and emotionally be different from you so that you can understand their behavioral patterns and the ways they differ from yours. It's okay to be different—it just takes a little patience.
Communication Is Key
Knowing that men and women process things differently, the most important thing you have to do with a partner is set up expectations for how you're going to communicate with each other and try to be as transparent as possible.
In The End, Love Overcomes Differences
At the end of the day, if you really love someone, you can learn to adapt to their behaviors, thought processes, and emotional needs. If you find it impossible to put that work in for someone, they probably just aren't the one for you.
