This is probably the opposite of all the advice your friends and family give you, but hear us out. You’re actually hurting yourself more by not forgiving them. They already did some damage through their behavior, don’t make it worse on yourself.
Whether you get back together with them or not, here’s why you need to forgive them regardless.
Forgiveness Doesn’t Mean Forgetting
Let’s start by making one thing clear. We’re not about to tell you to excuse their cheating by any means. If you choose to forgive them, it doesn’t mean you’re condoning what they did.
Let it also be known that forgiving them doesn’t mean staying in the relationship either.
Forgiveness Is The First Step Towards Trusting Again
It’s okay to admit that, when your partner broke your trust, they also shattered all your beliefs about loyalty and made it 10 times harder for you to be able to trust again.
Don’t give them the satisfaction of ruining your character and future relationships. If you can’t forgive them, you’ll hold on to resentment that will negatively impact you.
It’s The Only Way To Figure Out The Next Step
When you decide to stay or to leave the person who cheated on you, you need to be able to make your decision reasonably and clearly.
If you decide in the midst of your anger and hurt, you might make a decision you’ll regret. Plus, you won’t get closure.
It’s How You Can Grieve
Anger is an easier emotion to process than sadness, so it’s natural to want to hold on to it rather than forgive.
However, it prevents you from grieving. It’s only when you mourn that you accept that something was lost that you can’t get back. Only then can you actually move on from it.
Trust Can Be Restored
It’s not like we lose trust once and can never get it back. If this is a person that any part of you wants to still hold on to, then they need the chance to earn back your trust.
Forgiveness opens up the door to be able to slowly build that trust again through actions and words.
Think Of The Bigger Picture
We’re not trying to undermine the severity of infidelity, but when you think of the big picture, what is more important to you?
This can be an obstacle you overcame through forgiveness, or it can be the moment everything fell apart.
Forgiveness Is A Choice, Not An Ability
You might keep telling yourself that you just “can’t” do it, but the reality is you just don’t want to. Now you need to ask yourself why.
It can be because you’re holding on to fear that it will happen again or that it has impacted your sense of self-worth.
It Doesn’t Happen Overnight
You don’t need to forgive them right this moment, but you need to be willing to so that you can ease yourself into it.
It takes time and patience, but so does any good thing in life if you want it badly enough.
The Alternative Is Exhausting
Your mind has valuable and limited space. Would you rather fill it with feelings of hurt and anger or focus on things that could actually serve you?
The more you hold on to your anger, you might think you’re holding on to power, but really you’re just consuming your mind with all the wrong thoughts.
Your Health Is More Important
Forgiveness is actually healthy, and we don’t mean it in the “good for your soul” kind of way. According to Johns Hopkins Medicine, it’s actually good for your body.
Forgiving relieves anxiety, stress, and hostility. It lowers your blood sugar while reducing any symptoms of depression. Plus, it allows for a stronger immune system, heart health, and self-esteem!
It Allows You To Determine The Root Of The Issue
Usually, cheating is reflective of a deeper issue in the relationship. If you choose to forgive them, then you can refocus your energy on determining what went wrong in the relationship.
Just be ready to find out that sometimes nothing led up to it and it was a slip. In this case, forgiveness can allow you to see if the person is truly remorseful.
It’s Not Easy For Them Either
We don’t want to make this about them, but the truth is that infidelity ends up being hard on both parties. They will likely struggle with guilt and anxiety.
Knowing this can give you peace of mind that you’re not the only one hurting. Forgiveness allows you both to move on.
Not Forgiving Will Lead To Projecting
If you go into your next relationship while never having forgiven your ex, you’ll end up projecting your anger and your insecurities onto your new partner.
This is not baggage that you want to take anywhere with you. Through forgiveness, you can leave it at the door so no one gets blamed for the cheater’s mistakes.
Forgiveness Is For You, Not Them
At the end of the day, you’re not doing this to appease them or free them from their guilt, you’re doing it so that you no longer have to carry the weight of someone else’s actions on your shoulders.
You’ll never be able to control someone else’s actions, but you’re in control of your reactions.
We’re Only Human
It’s not just bad people who cheat. Anyone is capable of it. It’s a mistake that can be redeemed. The saying “once a cheater, always a cheater” is limiting.
People are capable of growth and remorse. It’s often by making mistakes that we learn not to repeat them.
Mistakes Aren’t Definitive
Our mistakes don’t define who we are or our relationships. A relationship goes through endless cycles of good and bad moments. While we give more value to certain mistakes over others, it’s ultimately up to us what we choose to see as a dealbreaker.
There is no universal law that dictates you can’t come back from cheating.
Time Heals, So One Day It Won’t Matter
Right now it’s as bad as it’s ever going to feel. That pain will ease, and one day you won’t even really care that it happened.
If you forgive now, you can accelerate that process for yourself rather than regret down the road how much time you spent worrying about it.
Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind
Like we said before, forgiving them doesn’t mean that you have to get back together. It just means that you can let it go.
Then the time that you spend apart will eventually make you forget about them and any pain they caused you.
You Take Your Power Back
What they did was out of your hands, but that doesn’t mean you’re completely powerless in the situation.
Through forgiveness, you can regain your power by no longer giving someone else authority over your mind and heart.
Forgiveness Is The Best Revenge
You can spend all your energy trying to make them feel remorseful or experience the pain you’re feeling.
Or you can work on being the best version yourself and be the person they wish they never hurt. Your choice.