Look, I know that we all turn to our friends when we need relationship advice because they get us and we trust them to tell us things as they are, and if you have good friends, they probably do just that. But there is still a level of calm and empathy that your friends are going to give you that might not help you see the whole truth.
Sometimes, we just need to be given a shake and told difficult things by a stranger who isn’t going to worry too much about our feelings.
You’ll Know After The First Date If You’re Interested
Yes, giving people a real chance is a good thing, but there is a pretty good chance that you are going to know pretty much after the first date whether or not this person is going to be someone you should “give a chance.”
There don’t need to be flying sparks, but you have to be interested. If you’re not, cut them loose. Don’t waste their time or yours.
How He Treats You Is How He Feels About You
We all want to believe that dating is complicated, and a guy can be too afraid to commit or they’re going through a hard time. Wrong. This is not the right way to look at these things.
If he’s treating you in a way that makes you feel like he doesn’t care about you as much as you care about him—or at all—he probably doesn’t.
No One Is Too Busy To Make Time For The People They Want To
If someone wants to see you and wants to have you in their life, they are going to make time for you. No one is so busy that they don’t have time to see someone they want around. A little bit of time is better than no time, and we all know that.
If He Doesn’t Fight Fair, Things Are Going To Blow Up
You get into your first fight with someone you’re seeing, and you notice that they make some low blows or kind of gaslight you into thinking that you’re wrong when you’re not. That sucks, right?
Well, guess what. That person is never going to stop doing that. It’s always going to be how they fight unless they start some serious therapy.
People Don’t Change That Much
People do change, but not a lot. They don’t change enough for you to hope that the person you’re seeing is going to be different eventually, because they won’t be. If there are things about them right now that are deal-breakers that you hope will change, you should probably accept that those things are here to stay.
You’re Not The Exception To The Rule
We all want to believe that we are going to the exception to the rule and have a kind of rom-com romance, but the truth is that it’s rarely the case. Things are a lot more black and white than we think they are, and if it feels like he’s cheating, if you think you’ve fallen out of love, you’re going to move away or whatever…these things are all probably going to break you up.
You Can’t Love Someone Into Being Who You Need Them To Be
This one is hard, and I’ll be honest with you: I really had to learn this one the hard way. You can’t love someone into being who you need them to be. It’s hard because you want to see the best in them, but if they don’t give you that all the time, they’re never going to. They probably won’t be the version of them that you’ve projected on to them.
If He Doesn’t Want To Meet Your Family, That’s A Red Flag
There is a difference between taking it slow and dragging your feet. If he doesn’t seem interested in meeting your friends and family or doesn’t want you to meet his, there is a good chance that he isn’t thinking about this relationship as serious or long-term.
If He Isn’t Romantic At The Beginning, He Probably Will Never Be
We all pretend to be the best version of ourselves when we start dating, so if your new man isn’t being cute and romantic or communicating as much as you want, then they’re not going to be. You have to decide if that’s OK with you or not.
Red Flags Exist For A Reason
Always listen to your gut. I don’t know how many times we can be told this before we start listening. If you see red flags, they are there for a reason and that reason is basically screaming at you to move on because this guy is not the one.
If He Doesn’t Support You, He Doesn’t Value You
It isn’t that hard to be there and support the people you love because you want the best for them, right? So if a guy is kind of giving you a hard time about wanting to change jobs—or go back to school or starting that new business, whatever—he doesn’t respect you or your needs enough.
Texting You Doesn’t Really Mean Anything
We should all know this by now. Texting doesn’t mean anything. You can talk to someone every day for six months and that isn’t going to stop them from ghosting and never answering your calls again. It isn’t, and should never be, your prime mode of conversation.
You’re Never Going To Fully Know Anyone
It’s important to know that no matter how well you know someone, you’re never going to know everything about them. Don’t assume that you know what someone is going to say or do or what they are thinking, because the truth is you might not know.
We all have parts of ourselves that others don’t see.
The Person Who Cares Less Has More Power
In some weird, backwards logic that applies only to the dating world, the person who cares less about the relationship is the one who has all the power. You’re going to be doing everything you can to try and get them to be with you, but they’re the ones in the end who will call the shots.
If You Break Up Once, It’s Probably Over
I will admit that this isn’t always the case, because there are reasons people break up that don’t have anything to do with their relationship specifically—like moving away, for example. But if you’re one of those couples who keep going on “breaks” and getting back together, that relationship is over, it’s time to face it.
Not Everyone Wants More Than Something Casual
Believe it or not, there are people in the world who genuinely don’t want to be in a relationship and just want something casual. And if you’re seeing someone like that, then they’re not going to wake up one day and want to be in a serious, committed relationship.
You’re Capable Of Sabotaging A Relationship
Sometimes, we really are the crazy ones. We’ve all experienced things in our lives that have impacted the way we interact with other people and feel in relationships, and there is a good chance that some of it was traumatic enough to have made us guarded or overly needy. We are just as capable as the other person of messing up a relationship.
There Is A Difference Between Love And Infatuation
We might think that those big butterfly feelings mean that we really love someone, but that’s just infatuation, and that is not the stuff that love is made of. It’s fun and exciting, sure, but when it passes, and it will, are you going to have anything of substance?
Even Good Relationships Are Hard Work
Even the best relationships in the world take work sometimes. Humans are emotional and unpredictable, and life throws us crazy curve balls all the time. Don’t think that getting into a good relationship is going to be easy all the time, because it won’t be.
You Might Not Actually Know What You Want
It’s totally OK to not know what you want right now from life or a relationship. We put so much pressure on ourselves to have it all figured out when, really, how could we ever? Sometimes it’s just enough to know what we don’t want and go from there.