Do you find yourself in series of situationships, toxic relationships, or attachments to people who aren’t emotionally available? Sure, you might have no problem attracting people in your romantic life, but you seem to only be getting into things that don’t go anywhere.
Sometimes, the ways we act, the decisions we make, and the signs we put out into the world cause us to attract the wrong type of person. Here’s how to help attract the type of man that you want.
Get Into A Better Mindset
Your own mindset is really important to how you’re going to approach relationships and the kind of signals you send out to potential romantic interests. If your mindset is in the wrong place, you will end up with the wrong types of men in your life.
For example, if you believe that you’re cursed when it comes to relationships or that you only attract jerks, it almost becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Hang Out In Places You Feel Very Comfortable
If you want to meet someone who shares your interests, you need to stop going to places where you’re not comfortable meeting people.
Sure, you might think that going out to busy clubs or bars is a great way to meet people, but if it’s not your scene, you’re not likely to meet someone who has the vibes you want. Instead go to places you like—cafés, the gym, bookstores, etc.
Be 100% Honest On Dating Apps
It’s very tempting to try and hype yourself up with a few white lies on dating apps. I mean, if the whole reason for the apps is to get people to like you, of course you’re going to try to make yourself likable.
However, while you might get more matches in the short term, you’re going to end up attracting people you’re not really compatible with.
Stop Agreeing To Situations You’re Not Actually Happy With
You didn’t particularly like the first date? Don’t go on a second. He’s only interested in something casual but you’re looking for something more serious? Don’t agree to see him on his terms in hopes that he’ll change his mind.
You can’t force something you’re not happy with to become something you will generally like, so you need to stop allowing yourself to get into situations you don’t really want.
Bring Up Your Non-Negotiables Early
Rather than spending a lot of time getting emotionally invested in someone only for him to have very different values or goals for life, just be upfront from the start.
Make a list of all of your non-negotiables that you want in a relationship (e.g. they want kids, they like to travel, etc.), and bring them up sooner rather than later when you start seeing someone new.
Be Confident In Who You Really Are
This is obviously easier said than done, but it’s important to be completely assured of who you are as a person. Otherwise, it can be too easy to bend parts of yourself to match a romantic interest and end up unhappy down the road.
You are amazing and enough as you are, and you should be confident in that. Don’t soften parts of yourself to make others more comfortable.
Show That You Have High Standards From The Get-Go
I understand the fear of coming across as rigid or stubborn from the start, but it’s important to set a precedent for what behaviors you will and will not tolerate from the get-go.
If you try to seem relaxed and laid-back about certain things a new partner does that bother you at the beginning, they will think it’s okay to treat you that way
Know What You’re Looking For
Are you looking to marry? Are you just looking for something less serious? What traits do you want in a partner?
If you don’t know what you want when you go looking for a partner, you’re more likely to find yourself in situations with men that you’re not really interested in or that don’t end up being fulfilling for you.
Act Towards Partners In The Way You Want Them To Act Towards You
It’s the first rule that you learn in kindergarten, and it should still apply to your dating life. You don’t want to date someone who plays games? Don’t try to play games. You want a partner who communicates openly? You need to do it too.
Our own behavior is the best example we can put forward for how people believe they should treat us.
Stop Settling For Less Than You Want
I get it: after being on the dating scene for a long time, you can start to believe that you’re being too picky or asking for too much. Of course, no one is perfect, but it’s fair to say that you want certain standards from a partner.
If someone doesn’t meet what you want and need, you can’t settle for them. Know your own worth and know when to walk away from something subpar.