Maybe you don’t see one anywhere nearby, but some people are in healthy and happy relationships, which means they’re possible. Reddit users are sharing how they knew their relationships were healthy, and it’s honestly a vibe.
Do with that info what you will—you can let it either push you further into your depression and reinforce your fears of dying alone, or you can let their stories give you some hope.
Provided The Space To Just Be Yourself
“It was instantly easy to talk to her. I never felt like I had to put on a show for her because she never did with me, and she actively affirmed me in that.” —meltingfrog
You know it’s real when you don’t have to dress up and hold in your farts in front of them to impress them.
They Never Ran Out Of Things To Talk About
“I was super nervous on the first date with my now-wife. We had been texting for a couple weeks, but I was still worried about there being awkward silences.
“Instead, we still haven’t run out of things to talk about almost 5 years later.” —ninjapanda042
The beauty of this is that now they’re probably at the point where the silences wouldn’t be awkward if they did run out of things to say.
Find You A Man Who Cleans Your Pipes
“We’d been dating for about a month, and he goes ‘I could take apart and clean the drain pipes under your sink if you want.’ Completely unprompted. That’s when I knew he’s a man who wants to build something with me.” —Jane9812
If they’re willing to give you a hand with no hidden agenda and no benefit to them, you know you’ve got a catch. We thought these men only existed in Hallmark movies.
When They Actually Think About Your Needs
“Something as simple as offering me some of their water after getting it for themselves.” —Yivo9
Meanwhile, my ex used to order a whole pizza and deny me a slice so they could save the leftovers for their lunch…
Imagine Actually Being Able To Talk About Feelings
“I was able to express my emotions and thoughts to him without him getting angry or judgy. He fearlessly lets me have my feelings without trying to change them, we talk them out and it feels so much better afterward.” —MissIscariot
Healthy, open, and honest communication that validates our feelings is a foreign concept.
Respecting The Little Things
“I hate being tickled, but am very ticklish. She discovered it early in the relationship, and I asked her once to not tickle me. She has never tickled me again in the following 10 years.” —Sir_Loin-Steak
It may not seem like a big deal, but if they can’t respect your preferences in the little things, how are they going to about the big things?
Someone Who Doesn’t Try To “Fix You”
“I had so many girlfriends that tried to change everything about me all the time. When I met my wife, she actually listened to who I was, and what I wanted in my life, and helped me get there, instead of looking for things to ‘fix’ about me.” —ElectricChess
It’s their job to fix themselves, your job is simply to support them along the way.
Arguments Aren’t A “Who Can Shout The Loudest” Competition
“‘Arguing’ with my boyfriend is not even arguing. We just talk, say what bothers us about something, also point out the positives and improvements since previous conflicts, and try to figure out what we need to do to solve the current issue.” —Marianations
This strategy basically has an introduction, body, and conclusion—there’s no way that’s not effective.
Knowledge Is To Be Shared, Not Leverage
“My partner never made fun of me or acted condescending when I didn’t know something. They were also humble when it came to gaps in their knowledge too.” —frustrated_away8
Odds are you probably know something they don’t, too. The whole point is to grow together and learn from one another, not compete against each other.
“Boredom”? Who Is She?
“I’d rather spend time with her doing nothing than doing something with anyone else.” —stephndunne
There is so much comfort in being with someone who you know loves you. Just being around them makes time fly. We’re guessing, anyway. We wouldn’t know.
No Complaints Here
“When the other ladies at my workplace were airing their complaints about their spouses, and I couldn’t think of a single thing to contribute to the conversation.” —ecmc
But come on, not even one? Not even about not wiping the counter after making a sandwich? Is she married to a robot?
They’re Willing To Date Your Anxiety, Too
“I confessed about my anxiety disorder and he didn’t use it to his advantage or make me feel broken or guilty for it.” —unfollowingyou
Must be nice to not be told to “just get over it” and be made to feel bad for overthinking and being sensitive. Where does one get one of these men?
Wait, So Not Everyone Has Trust Issues?
“I never once checked on him, worried about him cheating, or felt that jealous, uncertain churning in my stomach. This was very new for me at the time.” —sometimesnowing
Here we were thinking that it’s sweet that they’ve sent four messages and called six times because they were “worried” about us.
Don’t Pull Out The Defense Shields Just Yet
“He can laugh at himself.” —Travel_The_World
Life’s too short to take it too seriously, yet all of our exes refused to take accountability for anything, and they took us pointing out that they were wearing their shirt inside out as a direct attack on their character…
Leading Independent Lives
“We trusted each other to go out alone and have fun with friends of the opposite sex. No jealousy, just faith that you’d do the right thing.” —dirtyw82
Just because you’re a couple doesn’t mean your friends have to be their friends and that you have to tag along to all their social events. You should be able to do your own thing without it being an issue.
Even Babies Like Him
“I noticed that people genuinely liked him, even strangers. And he’d smile at babies.” —Electronic-Worry4666
Some people just carry nothing but good vibes. They put good karma out into the world, and the universe rewards them. How come you just keep attracting chaos?
Baggage Is Meant To Be Unpacked, Not Carried Around
“They showed real efforts in trying to improve and grow from their own traumas or baggage.” —elizacandle
Here’s the thing: You can’t help your past and the way it affects you, but you’re in complete control of how to move from it. It’s not meant to be an excuse to justify bad behavior.
Taking Interest In Your Interests
“I love theater and museums and galleries. He’d never even been to a show. He made a point of taking me to do everything I loved doing, even when it was weird to him. He also invited me to rugby matches and cricket games with him to learn about what he was into.” —nixipix1
Think about it, it’s double the dates, double the culture, and double the experiences! There’s a whole new world out there, guys.
Life’s A Party And You Don’t Have To Be The Piñata
“She was always happy to hear about the things I did that I was proud of, even if they were objectively stupid or trivial.” —braxistExtremist
Rather than getting competitive or feeling inferior when they celebrate a win, celebrate it with them! If you constantly celebrate each other, you’ll be partying all the time!
Love’s A Balance
“She wants us to be equals in our relationship. Which means if things need to be unequal in one way or other, we work on balancing it out.” —DistractibleYou
It’s hard to weigh out what exactly makes a relationship, so just focus on finding a balance between the give and take, the compromises, the ups and downs, and don’t worry so much about anything being perfect!