Think back to the last time that you had great chemistry in a relationship or you felt an instant spark with someone. If you’re lucky, you’re still with that person, but there’s also a high percentage of people who are probably thinking about a relationship that eventually came to an end.
That’s because a relationship can’t solely survive on undeniable chemistry, no matter how badly you wish it could. There are things beyond it that you have to consider.
We’re Not Knocking Chemistry
Having chemistry with someone or feeling that spark when you first meet someone is exciting, and we’re not going to try to tell you that you shouldn’t care about chemistry with someone. The question is how important is it for your relationship to survive?
Strong Chemistry Doesn’t Guarantee A Strong Relationship
There are different kinds of chemistry that you can have with someone, and not all of them are guaranteed to lead you to a great relationship. You might not even know why you’re drawn to someone or understand how you could feel an instant connection to someone, but you do, and now you have to deal with it. Is it sustainable, or will it fizzle out on its own? Do you actually have anything in common?
People Rely Too Much On “Chemistry”
Having that instant spark with someone is a great indicator that you’re interested in someone or interested in trying to take things further with them. The issue is that people often place too much emphasis on it, staying in a relationship (situationship, friends with benefits, long-distance relationship, pick your poison) longer than they should because they have some sort of chemistry.
How Much Does It Actually Matter?
While it’s great to be able to tell all your friends that you instantly felt a spark with this guy and now you’re madly in love, it’s not the only thing that matters. If you’re looking to make something last or make a relationship work, there’s a lot more to it.
The Ability To Compromise
You should be equals with your partner, but that doesn’t mean that every situation is going to require an equal commitment or sacrifice from each of you. There are going to be moments or days or weeks where you need to put in more of an effort than your boyfriend, or when you need to put your girlfriend’s needs above your own.
Having Shared Values
If you find a partner who shares a lot of the same basic values as you, you’re going to find that other issues or qualities seem less important. If you have vastly different values than your partner, your relationship is going to feel like an uphill battle.
Feeling Calm & Comfortable Around Them
Weak knees and a quickening heart rate every time you see someone is exciting in the beginning, but eventually, you want to feel calm around your partner too. You want to be with someone you’re comfortable around—someone you can relax with—as well as having those heart-pounding moments.
Knowing How To Fight Properly
This is one for all those couples who like to claim that they never fight or never disagree on anything. Just because you’ve never had an argument does not mean that you’re in the perfect relationship. It’s not realistic to expect that you’re never going to disagree or fight with someone, so you have to focus on your ability to solve those arguments.
Are you both able to communicate what you need without escalating the situation, or does it get out of hand quickly and you end up walking away without resolving anything?
The Ability To Forgive
We’re not asking you to forget, but the ability to forgive someone and know when it’s the right time to let go of anger or guilt is important for every relationship, especially a romantic or physical one.
Room For Time Apart
When you feel that connection with someone, you might end up wanting to spend every waking moment of every day with them, but having time apart from your person is just as important. You can’t sustain a relationship if you solely exist to spend time with the other person.
Beyond being able to take time apart from each other, you should strive to be an independent, self-sufficient person. Being in a relationship doesn’t make you a complete person; you’re a whole person on your own, the relationship is just a bonus.
It’s been drilled into you since you were a child: honesty is the best policy. The reason you’ve heard the saying dozens of times is because, almost all of the time, it’s going to prove to be true. If you can’t be honest in your relationship, it’s not going to last.
Sorry, but it’s true. Part of the reason that people end up relying too heavily on their chemistry with someone is that they have unrealistic expectations for what they’re looking for in a relationship or what they expect from their partner.
A Sense Of Humor
Sexual chemistry is great, but (brace yourself) just plain passion can be boring. Having a similar sense of humor to your partner or finding someone that makes you laugh means you’ll always have someone to have fun with—and that’s never boring.
Chemistry has a way of clouding your judgment or making you feel like you’re incredibly happy, but when you step back to look at the bigger picture, you could realize you’re not actually happy overall.
If you’re in a relationship with someone in any way, no matter how absolutely fantastic your chemistry is, you should still be respected and be respectful of the person who you’re with.
Being Able To Work Together
No, I’m not saying you need to date someone from your office. By “working together,” I mean being able to handle a situation or fix a problem together, whether that’s within your relationship or outside of it. A relationship is a partnership, and you wouldn’t stay in business with a partner you can’t work with, right?
Good Communication Skills!
Despite everyone being well aware of the fact that you need to have good communication skills to make a relationship last, we settle for less than that. Why would you be in a relationship with someone or even sleep with someone that you can’t have a normal conversation with?
You’re not perfect, and you don’t expect your partner to be perfect either. People have flaws, people make mistakes, and when that happens, your partner shouldn’t vilify you for it.
It doesn’t matter whether you’re just looking to hook up with the person because you felt that spark one night or if you want to get married and have a bunch of babies. Setting boundaries and understanding what you’re both comfortable with or looking for is beneficial for both of you.