Pretty much everyone either knows someone who was blindsided by a breakup or has been the person who got dumped out of the blue. You’ll spend hours going over it in your mind afterwards, trying to come up with reasons behind it because your ex wouldn’t give you a reason beyond “this isn’t working” or “I don’t want to be with you anymore.”
The question is, though, was it really out of the blue, or did you choose to ignore the signs because you weren’t ready or willing to deal with the implications?
You Expected Certain Behaviors To Go Away Over Time
In other words, you expected them to change even though there was no indication that they were actually planning on changing. You thought it was just a phase or that they’d grow out of it, so you looked past it.
Or you discussed those certain behaviors with them and asked them to change or implied that you wanted them to change, which is still a mistake. As usual, we’re here to tell you that you cannot expect someone in a relationship to change into whatever works best for you.
If you’re in a relationship where you’re waiting for your partner to make major changes to their personality or behavior—whether they’re aware of it or not—you’re setting yourself up to be disappointed.
Your Partner Was Subtly Benching You
While you were all-in on your new relationship, your partner was sending you subtle signs that they were going to be benching you soon. They stopped asking for your advice, they turned to others for emotional support, and their social calendar got a whole lot busier but you weren’t always invited to come along.
Since you were invested, you chose to think that your partner was equally committed to you, when they were actually maybe trying to pull away from you.
You Didn’t Notice How Different They Are With You
Movies and books love to romanticize the angle of “he’s different when he’s with me,” but in reality, that’s a bit concerning. Why is it that your partner only ever voices certain opinions around you? Is it because he only feels like he can be his true self with you, or is it because he’s trying to fit into your expectations?
On the flip side, maybe you’ll look back and realize that they were always polite in public or nice when you were around others, yet chose to pick fights with you in private. They reserved their moody or rude behavior for only you, and you maybe convinced yourself that it was something you did, or you thought that’s just how they always were.
You Disagreed About Core Values Or Morals
They say that love is blind, and every blindsided person who was broken-up with out of the blue is the perfect example of just how true that is.
When you find someone that you’re interested in or start a new relationship, most people are willing to overlook a lot or do anything to make it work. There are certain things, though, that really shouldn’t be up for debate.
For example, the goals that you have in life. Your morals and what you value most have to line up with those of the person you’re with; otherwise, you’re going to be building a relationship on two different planes. At the beginning of the relationship, you might have brushed off those couple of comments that they made about never wanting to get married, or they ignored your poor financial habits. Eventually, though, issues like those are going to resurface, and you’ll have to face them or acknowledge it wasn’t meant to be.
Your partner might have come to the conclusion that they couldn’t give you what you’re looking for, so they chose to let you go so you can find someone with goals that line up with your own.
You Chose To Ignore The Flaws
Rather than choose to acknowledge that your partner is flawed, you decided to be positive and not focus on the negative. The problem with that mentality is that it means you might be training yourself to overlook things that are actually major issues or placing a strain on your relationship.
It’s great that you want to see the good in someone, but that doesn’t mean that you should disregard all the bad or the possible red flags simply because they have a few qualities that you’re interested in.
You Chalked It Up To The Honeymoon Phase Being Over
Every relationship goes through a honeymoon stage, even if you never actually marry the person. That honeymoon stage where you look at everything with rose-colored glasses can be a great place to live temporarily, but chances are it’s not going to last forever.
You started to see more flaws in the relationship, or you got that feeling in your gut like something wasn’t quite right, but you chalked it up to reality hitting. The butterflies might go away for some people a few weeks or months into a new relationship, but it’s about more than just that.
Maybe your relationship was starting to settle and you were getting more comfortable with each other which is why that spark went away, or maybe it’s actually because you weren’t with the right person.