Conversations You Should Have Before You Decide To Move In Together
So you've decided to take the plunge and move in together, after years of your mother nagging at you about settling down with a "nice boy" (whatever that means).
Moving in with someone is exciting, but there are also a few things you should know or talk about before moving day. No matter how much you love someone, there are going to be times when you argue over doing the dishes, or you're going to be horrified to learn he doesn't separate his whites from his colors when doing the laundry. Get those conversations out of the way before they're an argument.
Is Someone Going To Be The Sugar Daddy, Or Are You Paying For Everything Evenly?
Up until this point in your relationship, you might have taken the "I got this meal, you pay for the next one" method, but it's important to have a real conversation about money before you move in. Are you splitting every bill 50/50, or does your boyfriend have a better salary than you right now so he wants to shoulder a little bit more of the expenses?
Do You Sleep With The Fan On Or Off?
This could be an ongoing debate to have with your partner for the rest of your life, so you might as well get it out of the way. If your partner sleeps with the fan on, but you're always cold, buy yourself some extra blankets to prepare.
If You Bring Home A Puppy One Day, Will Your Partner Be Upset?
Is your girlfriend a dog person or a cat person? If you came home from work one day to find out she had adopted a dog from a shelter, would your allergies kick into high gear, or would you be thrilled?
How Much Financial Baggage Are You Packing?
It can be awkward to talk about, and some people consider finances to be a private topic, but they can't be private from someone you're living with. Student debt, credit card debt, a bad online shopping habit—your partner should know about it.
They're relying on you to pay your share of the rent and other expenses, so your bank account affects them.
Do You Get Out Of Bed Before Noon If You Don't Have To?
Basically, are you a morning person, or are you a night owl? It doesn't matter if your boyfriend loves to stay up late whereas you like to start your day bright and early, you just need to know what to expect.
He'll put on headphones when he's watching Netflix late at night so you can go to bed early, and you'll know not to ask him to go to the farmer's market with you at 8 a.m.
Do You Keep The Toaster On The Counter Or Put It Away After Every Use?
There are two types of people in the world. There are the people who leave their toaster on the counter and use it at liberty, and then there are the crazy people who put it away in a cupboard every day after they use it. Which type of person are you going to be living with?
How Do You Cool Down From A Fight?
Sure, you've had arguments before, but you were always able to leave when you were upset or when you need a moment to cool off.
Once you're living together, there won't be another house for you to retreat to. Taking the time to discuss how you each deal with conflict will benefit you in the long run.
Who's The Better Cook?
Is cooking going to be something you do together, or does your girlfriend have a habit of making everything explode in the microwave and you don't want her anywhere near the kitchen?
How Many Times A Week Can Your Sister Come Over To Watch Trashy Reality TV?
Is your house going to be the place where all your friends come to hang out every night of the week, or would you prefer to come home from work to a quiet home so you can unwind after a long day?
What Weird Pet Peeves Do You Have?
It doesn't mean that they're going to be the most rational qualms, but it's good to get your pet peeves on the table before you start harboring a secret hatred for the fact that he hangs his towel on the back of your bedroom door instead of in the bathroom.
Is It Acceptable To Leave The Dishes In The Sink For 3–5 Business Days?
You're kidding yourself if you think there isn't going to be at least one time in your relationship where you argue about the dishes in the sink, or argue about how to properly load a dishwasher. Make it clear that you expect your girlfriend to wash her cereal bowls before they start to grow mold.
Are You Going To Live In Squalor, Or Is Someone Responsible For Cleaning?
Bite the bullet and decide ahead of time who's going to be responsible for vacuuming and who's in charge of the cleaning the shower. You might not be happy about it, but someone's gotta do it.
Literally & Figuratively, Are You Renting Or Buying?
Have a conversation about why you're actually moving in together. Is it because your lease is ending and your boyfriend suggested you come live with him and his roommates, or is it because you want to take the next step in your relationship?
Also, you should think about whether you want to rent a starter home or apartment, or if you want to jump right into buying your first fixer upper. What's the long term?
Which Food In The Fridge Is Fair Game When You've Got The Midnight Munchies?
Are you going to take the platonic roommates approach to grocery shopping where you each fend for yourselves and label your yogurts in the fridge, or are you going to be the cute couple that grocery shops together and meal preps?
What Do You Think Your Most Annoying Habit Is?
We are our worst critics, so chances are if you have a particularly annoying habit, you're aware of it, even if you're not proud of it. It's going to be revealed eventually, so you might as well beat it to the punch and tell your partner.
Who Gets The Bathroom First In The Morning?
If you only have one bathroom to share, make sure you discuss your morning schedules before the first day you're both trying to get ready for work and one of you ends up not having time to shower.
Is It Ever Acceptable To Eat In Bed?
It doesn't seem like something that you would need to talk about, but if your partner is someone who doesn't think it's okay to eat in bed, it's going to quickly become an issue.
What's Your Exit Strategy?
We're not saying you should prepare for failure, but it's good to discuss what would happen if you were to break up. Would you both move out, or would one of you get to stay while the other has to find elsewhere to live?
Have You Had A Trial Run Before Moving In Full-Time?
Most couples spend a few nights a week together anyway, but that's not the same as actually living together. If you've gone on vacation together or spent time actually living together for more than 24 hours, you learn more about their bedtime routine, their morning habits, and how they never put the seat down.
Remember That Moving In Doesn't Always Equal Marriage
Make sure that you're on the same page with your partner about what moving in together actually means. You might think that moving in means you're on track for an engagement, but they might think you're just living together. Be clear about your expectations before you sign that lease.
