Can Someone Really Love You And Still Cheat On You? Here’s Why I Say Yes

Love is a funny thing. They say the line between love and hate is quite fragile, and it's often the people we loved the most who we end up hating the most once they hurt us.

One of the worst ways they can hurt us is by cheating. Cheating is not only the biggest betrayal of trust, but often it causes us to question if our relationship was ever real, and if there's maybe something wrong with us. I say no, it has nothing to do with their love, and here's why.

Anyone Is Capable Of Cheating

woman looks at man who is turned away from her
Photo Credit: RODNAE Productions / Pexels
Photo Credit: RODNAE Productions / Pexels

We tend to assume that only heartless, toxic people would be capable of cheating. The truth is, we're all capable of it. You don't expect it'll happen to you, then one day the worst happens and they admit that they had one too many drinks and got caught up in the moment.

They may truly regret it and want to work through it.

ADVERTISEMENT

They're Not Able To Let You Go

ADVERTISEMENT
woman lying on table in sadness holding heart frame
Photo Credit: RODNAE Productions / Pexels
Photo Credit: RODNAE Productions / Pexels
ADVERTISEMENT

He might not be satisfied in your relationship together but still isn't able to let you go.

ADVERTISEMENT

Maybe you have too much history, or your lives are too intertwined to separate at this point, so she stays just for the sake of it with one foot in and one foot out.

ADVERTISEMENT

They Want The Best Of Both Worlds

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT
woman looking over at man texting in bed
Photo Credit: cottonbro / Pexels
Photo Credit: cottonbro / Pexels
ADVERTISEMENT

It could be that they are quite happy with you, but also can't resist the temptation of seeing what else is out there. They don't want to actually lose you to find out, they just want a taste of both.

ADVERTISEMENT

This is quite selfish, but it is not reflective in any way of the strength of the relationship you share.

ADVERTISEMENT

Men Separate Physical And Emotional Connections

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT
man kissing woman's forehead by the window
Photo Credit: Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels
Photo Credit: Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels
ADVERTISEMENT

I'm not making excuses for cheating, but they do say that men are able to separate their physical actions from their emotions.

ADVERTISEMENT

You may be the one in their heart and on their mind, even when they're sleeping with someone else.

ADVERTISEMENT

They Figure That It's A Phase

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT
man and woman kissing
Photo Credit: Katie Salerno / Pexels
Photo Credit: Katie Salerno / Pexels
ADVERTISEMENT

Some people don't actually want the relationship to end, even if they don't want their affair to either.

ADVERTISEMENT

They're waiting on some moment when they suddenly won't feel a need for it, or it'll just fizzle out without them having to work through it. Then they can come back to you as if nothing happened.

ADVERTISEMENT

It Usually Has Nothing To Do With You

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT
couple embracing under blue umbrella
Photo Credit: Shukhrat Umarov / Pexels
Photo Credit: Shukhrat Umarov / Pexels
ADVERTISEMENT

Listen to me when I say that cheating has nothing to do with feelings or shortcomings on your end. It is never due to you falling short on expectations or failing to fill their needs.

ADVERTISEMENT

It's not because you're not enough, or that they don't love you enough. It has everything to do with them, and not with you.

ADVERTISEMENT

It's All About Their Own Insecurities

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT
man pushes his hair up by water
Photo Credit: Nathan Cowley / Pexels
Photo Credit: Nathan Cowley / Pexels
ADVERTISEMENT

Cheating usually comes down to the cheater's insecurities. Either they feed off others' praise and need the ego boost for validation, or they're scared of abandonment.

ADVERTISEMENT

Maybe they've been cheated on before. Whatever the issue, it's usually one they're not actively working on, which is why they say "once a cheater, always a cheater."

ADVERTISEMENT

There's A Void Even You Can't Fill

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT
man leaning against wall looking sad
Photo Credit: Mike Greer / Pexels
Photo Credit: Mike Greer / Pexels
ADVERTISEMENT

Cheaters are looking for an outside fix for something that can only be addressed from within.

ADVERTISEMENT

Basically, they don't know how to make themselves happy and are looking for somebody else to, except that's not possible. They need to find their own purpose.

ADVERTISEMENT

It's A Form Of Narcissism

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT
man looking at shattered mirror with blue eyes
Photo Credit: Download a pic Donate a buck / Pexels
Photo Credit: Download a pic Donate a buck / Pexels
ADVERTISEMENT

Cheaters are often narcissistic and can't think beyond their own needs, even if it's at your expense. In fact, they figure they can just manipulate the situation in their favor and be able to get away with it.

ADVERTISEMENT

Don't forget that cheating can be a part of emotional manipulation, especially if it's repetitive.

ADVERTISEMENT

There's A Biological Push

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT
man and woman in bed cuddling
Photo Credit: Anastasia Shuraeva / Pexels
Photo Credit: Anastasia Shuraeva / Pexels
ADVERTISEMENT

Studies show that human beings are biologically driven to form romantic and sexual connections with other humans.

ADVERTISEMENT

They say that this is the number one reason why people cheat in relationships. It might even be why most animals aren't monogamous.

ADVERTISEMENT

There Are Types Of Drives

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT
man and woman under the sheets smiling
Photo Credit: Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels
Photo Credit: Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels
ADVERTISEMENT

There are three types of drives that lead us to experience some kind of feeling of love. The first is sex drive, which is based on attraction. Then it's the drive toward romantic love, and the reason we latch onto just one person.

ADVERTISEMENT

Then comes the drive toward attachment, which is why people get married and have babies.

ADVERTISEMENT

We Can Love More Than One Person At The Same Time

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT
feet under sheet criss-crossing
Photo Credit: Anna Shvets / Pexels
Photo Credit: Anna Shvets / Pexels
ADVERTISEMENT

People are capable of loving more than one person at a time and that's often why people cheat.

ADVERTISEMENT

I'm not saying that makes it ethically okay, but it's the reason why people sometimes can't help or understand why they feel so attached to two people at once and can't let either one of them go.

ADVERTISEMENT

Dopamine Is Addictive

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT
woman hugs man from behind in kitchen
Photo Credit: cottonbro / Pexels
Photo Credit: cottonbro / Pexels
ADVERTISEMENT

There was a study in 2010 that looked at almost 200 volunteers' dopamine receptor genes, which control pleasure in the brain. They found that 50% of participants with the gene had cheated on their partner.

ADVERTISEMENT

These people were described as risk-takers and often cheat to chase the adrenaline rush that releases dopamine, "the happy drug."

ADVERTISEMENT

They Can Love You Without Being In Love

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT
dressed up man and woman sit on couch
Photo Credit: cottonbro / Pexels
Photo Credit: cottonbro / Pexels
ADVERTISEMENT

It's sad to admit but people fall in and out of love with no way to predict it or change it. They might still love and care about you very much, but just don't know how to get that feeling back.

ADVERTISEMENT

They could even be waiting for it to come back or hoping that being with someone else will remind them of how much they love you.

ADVERTISEMENT

Blame Their Commitment Issues

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT
man and woman look at cellphones while hugging at sunset beach
Photo Credit: ROMAN ODINTSOV / Pexels
Photo Credit: ROMAN ODINTSOV / Pexels
ADVERTISEMENT

Cheating can be their form of self-sabotage when something good comes along because of their commitment issues.

ADVERTISEMENT

The more real the relationship becomes, the more scared they get and start to push you away or want to destroy your relationship so that they don't have to deal with it getting even more serious and still failing.

ADVERTISEMENT

They Wanted To Hurt You First

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT
man and woman crying looking at phone
Photo Credit: Mikhail Nilov / Pexels
Photo Credit: Mikhail Nilov / Pexels
ADVERTISEMENT

It's a way of gaining power or control, but often cheating is just a way to hurt you first so that you could never hurt them.

ADVERTISEMENT

Ironically, by doing this, they end up hurting themselves too, and are instantly filled with regret.