Limiting Beliefs That Are Holding You Back From Finding Love
We tell ourselves that love will magically find us or that we're fine without it in hopes of justifying to ourselves why we're still single. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being single, but at the same time, there's no point limiting yourself with false assumptions.
"Love Comes When You Least Expect It"
If you're staying home all day and not talking to anyone, a potential love interest isn't magically going to grow X-ray vision and waltz into your home. It requires a bit of purposeful effort.
The exact timing of the results of those efforts can't be foreseen, but there is at least the expectation of having to put yourself out there a little bit.
"When It's Right, It's Easy"
Unfortunately, nothing in life comes easy, nothing good anyway. Even healthy relationships require work. You have to work to keep an open and honest line of communication, to make time for one another, to make each other feel good, to find gifts for them on holidays...
None of that is "easy."
"I Have Too Much Baggage"
Who doesn't have baggage these days? Having lived through 2020's pandemic alone will leave everyone with baggage. There is nothing wrong with baggage, it's what shapes you into the strong individual you are.
All that matters is how you process it and handle it.
"I'd Finally Be Happy If I Were In A Relationship"
Relationships don't make you happy, you make you happy. They are meant to complement an already established life that makes you happy, not create one for you. That's a lot of pressure to put on a partner, and that expectation can strain the relationship.
"It's Just Not The Right Time"
When is it ever the right time? Today it's because you're still in school, tomorrow it's because you're focusing on your career, then it's because you want to travel first. There's always going to be "something," but a relationship isn't meant to get in the way of that.
You can still live your life with the right person, so don't close doors just based on timing.
"I Only Attract Toxic People"
There's a difference between attracting toxic people, keeping toxic people in your life, and looking for toxic people. It's important to recognize who you're attracted to and why so that you're able to call out the toxic signs early on and not let those kinds of people into your life anymore.
They can be attracted to you all they want...but from a distance.
"All The Good Ones Are Already Taken"
Yet you're a good one and you're not already taken, so who's to say there aren't many others like you? Just because you're getting older doesn't mean other good people haven't struggled to find someone worthy of them.
Or maybe they got into a relationship with the wrong person, learned the lesson, and are now divorced and up for grabs.
"Romance Is Dead Anyway"
Yes, dating today has gotten even harder. We have so many options that no one actually wants to commit in case there's something better out there.
Yet romance itself isn't dead, it just needs to be ignited with the right person. It has simply taken new meaning and is given life on a case-by-case basis. While some love flowers, others prefer acts of service as a sign of romance.
"They Must Be Single For A Reason"
This is not a healthy way of thinking, and it is often reflective of the way you view yourself when single. There's nothing wrong with being single, it's not "proof" that anything's wrong. It's a question of timing, opportunity, circumstance, and standards.
"They Seem A Little Too Nice"
We complain when they treat us like trash, then we complain when someone is being "too nice." Surely, there's a happy balance, but nice guys don't need to finish last.
They deserve a chance. Just because you're not used to it doesn't mean that you won't grow to like being treated in the way that you deserve. You might even bring out their wilder side and you'll balance each other out.
"I Need My Time And Freedom"
There is no rule that says that you have to give up all your time and freedom to date someone. In fact, it's quite unhealthy to give up those two vital things for someone else.
Rather, it's a matter of balance, trust, and time management. There will be a certain expectation to spend time with them and share information, but that shouldn't keep you from still doing most of the things you want.
"I'll Be More Liked If I Get In Shape First"
If you want to get in shape before dating, then make sure you're doing it for yourself and not for the hope of someone finding you more suitable. It's not fair to you to give yourself a list of requirements.
In fact, it's probably a defense mechanism because you're trying to justify why you're still single when you should be enjoying it while you can!
"It'll End Once It Gets Too Serious"
It's true that more and more people are suffering from commitment issues, often based on either lived or witnessed experience. However, commitment can grow, and two people who genuinely like each other and see potential will naturally progress into a long-term relationship.
Although you should know what you want from the beginning and make it clear, you don't want the other person to feel as though you are viewing them as a means to an end.
"All Men Are Players"
There is a lot wrong with this assumption. First, it's an unfair generalization about the nice gentlemen out there. Second, it implies that someone (a player) can't learn from his mistakes and change for the better.
You can tread carefully and watch out for the signs, but give them a chance!
"All Women Are Jealous And Emotional"
Women are given a bad rep when it comes to being irrationally emotional. Chances are if a woman is upset, she has reason to be, and if she's jealous, it's because someone likely cheated on her and now she has trust issues. Those are all things that can be worked through with communication. We're all just human.
Plus, men get just as emotional and jealous.
Assuming Someone Is A Certain "Type"
We can't help ourselves. As humans, we crave organization, so we sometimes place people into categories or "types." We'll assume someone is the nerdy type or the gym rat and completely eliminate them based on stereotypes rather than actually getting to know them for the individual that they are.
"I Just Have High Standards"
It's great to have standards, in fact, if you don't, you should probably sit down with yourself for a minute and come up with a few non-negotiable requirements in a partner.
However, we tend to get too caught up in finding someone that fits every single item on the checklist rather than seeing the good in them, and we pass on people who might have been good for us.
"I'm Too Busy"
We're all busy, but we're also in control of what we decide to give value to. Is it more worth it to you to put the time into building a repetitive routine of work and chores, or is it worth more to experience what life has to offer and take chances?
"This One's Different"
Technically, we're all different, so naturally, every single new person you start dating will be different. Just don't let that fool you into giving second chances and overlooking red flags you've seen before just because you have a feeling that "this one's different."
"I Can't Risk Getting Hurt Again"
You risk walking down the street every day even though you could get hit by a car or fall and break your leg, so what's the difference? Everything we do in life is a risk, but some risks are worth taking.
Either they teach us a lesson or they give rewarding results. A life without risks is a life without living.
