It’s easier than you think to form bad habits in a relationship, and while it can be difficult to break those bad habits, the first step is always going to be being aware of them. You’re never going to be able to fix something unless you’re willing to admit that it might be broken in the first place.
Always Trying To Cheer Them Up
People get sad. Bad things happen, people get put in unpleasant situations, life throws some curveballs, and your person is going to be upset sometimes. You don’t always need to focus on cheering them up or making them happy again. Allow them to feel whatever emotions they’re experiencing, and let them tell you how they want you to help instead of immediately jumping into cheerleader mode.
Thinking Your Partner Is “Lucky” To Be With You
Yes, your partner is lucky to be with you, but you’re also lucky to be with them, because you’re equals. You’re not doing your boyfriend a favor by being with him. You can’t build a solid relationship if you believe that you’re better than your partner, but maybe you’re not ready for that conversation yet…
Holding Onto Grudges
In addition to dealing with the problem that caused the fight, you also need to be able to genuinely move on from it. You had your argument, you’ve both said your piece, said your apologies, and then you need to release that. Let go of the grudge. Otherwise, you didn’t actually deal with the issue.
Doing Everything Together
We get it. You love each other and never want to spend a moment apart, but also, you should try it. Just because you want to spend a night apart doing something with separate friend groups doesn’t mean that people will think you’re a bad couple. I promise.
Expecting Your Partner To Always Know How You’re Feeling
Unless you’re dating Edward Cullen, your partner is not a mind-reader! They don’t know what you’re thinking or feeling unless you tell them, so you can’t get mad at him when he doesn’t know why you’re upset.
Picking Fights About The Insignificant Details
Learning when to vocalize that something is bothering you versus when to let something go is a skill that will serve you well in a relationship. Pick your battles. Before you go voicing every time your partner irritates you, think about this: if it’s not still going to be bothering you by the time you wake up tomorrow, maybe you don’t need to say anything.
Always Being The One To Compromise
You want your girlfriend to be happy, so you’re willing to make sacrifices or compromises in order to make her happy, but you still have to make sure that you’re factoring in what you want. The compromises have to come from both sides.
Taking Your Partner For Granted
The longer you’re in a relationship with someone, the more likely you are to slip into that comfort zone where you no longer feel the need to do little things for your partner or show them how grateful you are for them because you just expect that they know it.
An Apology Shouldn’t Be The End Of The Argument
Many couples who get into an argument reach the moment where one person (or both people) inevitably apologizes, and then they move on, but they never actually address the reason behind the argument. They’re just doomed to keep up the cycle of fighting and apologizing.
Focusing All Your Energy On Your Partner
It may seem strange because if you’re in a relationship, you obviously care about them and want to make them a priority, but they shouldn’t be the only thing that matters in your life.
Feeling The Need To Address Everything In The Heat Of The Moment
There are absolutely good times and bad times to address certain issues. If you know that your boyfriend is having a terrible week at work, maybe you wait to talk about how he hurt your feelings during that one party last weekend. Set yourself up for success by picking the right time and place to have an argument, when both of you will be the most willing.
Making Your Partner Jealous To Test Them
If you feel the need to test how much your partner loves you, or to put them in situations where they have to prove their interest in you, you’ve got bigger problems.
Trying To Save Your Partner
How many times do we have to have this conversation? Entering into a relationship with someone so you can “save” them from themselves or swoop in to rescue them from their life probably isn’t going to work out how you expect it to.
Always Blaming The Other
When your girlfriend brings up an issue to you, do you talk about it, or do you immediately say “well you did x, y, and z, which really bothered me!” Deal with one issue at a time instead of playing the blame game.
Constantly Asking Your Partner If They Still Like You Or Love You
Think about why you’re doing it. If you’re seeking that validation, may be that you need to have a discussion about why you’re doubting their love or what you need from them in order to show you how they feel.
Threatening A Breakup Every Time Something Isn’t Working
The status of your relationship shouldn’t be a bargaining chip. You shouldn’t threaten to break up with someone every time you disagree with them or have an argument. If you want to break up, do it. If not, don’t say it.
Constantly Wanting To Know Where Your Partner Is Or Who They Were With
If you don’t trust your partner enough, that’s an issue you need to deal with and nip in the bud. If he tells you that he’s going out with his friends, you shouldn’t feel the need to badger him with texts or calls checking in, or to pester him when he gets home so you know every single person that was with him.
Comparing Your Relationship To Someone Else’s
We’re all guilty of doing this from time to time, but it’s important to put a stop to it whenever you can. It’s not fair to either of you if you’re going around comparing what your boyfriend does to what your best friend’s boyfriend does. They’re not the same person, and your relationship is not the same.
Refusing To See Past The Honeymoon Stage
Anyone who is wearing rose-colored glasses can convince themselves that the red flag they’re staring at it maybe isn’t so red… At the beginning of a relationship, you idealize your partner and only want to see the good in them, but you can put yourself at risk of overlooking major issues.
Telling White Lies To “Spare Your Partner’s Feelings”
The truth is almost always going to come out. In the moment, you might think it’s the right decision to lie to your partner about something because you know the truth will upset them, but in the long run, they’re going to be more upset when they learn the truth and they learn they can’t trust you to be honest.