Are Your Standards Too High, Or Are You Just Not Willing To Settle?
There's a difference between being too picky and simply knowing your worth when it comes to relationships. If you've been single for a long time, it's easy to get caught up in the idea that you're never going to find the right person you're looking for.
The reason for you still being single could be any number of things, but chances are you're going to be told that you're expecting too much, so how do you know if that's actually true?
Standards Aren't A Bad Thing
Let's start off by saying that it is perfectly acceptable for you to have standards when it comes to dating. The only people who actually matter are you and the person you're with, but that doesn't stop other people from inserting themselves.
Other People Are Always Going To Have Opinions
The problem with being someone who has higher standards (or any standards) in dating is that there is always going to be someone who tells you that your standards are "too high."
The second that you say you're tired of being single, even if it's just a passing comment, someone will say maybe you should lower your standards.
Listen To Your Friends—To An Extent
Our friends can often be the biggest culprits for that. They know you best, they've met all the other people you've dated, and they've been there for the breakups. They know—to an extent—whether or not your standards are too high.
You're Still The One Making The Decision
When it comes down to it, though, you're the person that has to be in the relationship, so you have to be happy. It's good to take into account what the people around you are saying, but ultimately, you're the one who knows what's best for yourself.
Consider The Fact That Your Friends Could Be Right
You're tired of people always telling you that your standards are too high or that you need to lower your expectations, but have you ever stopped to consider that it could be true? You know what's going to make you happy, but think about if you're guilty of expecting some of these things from a partner...
Holding Someone To A Standard You Couldn't Meet
If you're expecting your partner to jump through hoops or walk through fire for you, you're going to be left disappointed. If you wouldn't be okay with your partner expecting the same standard from you, you shouldn't push it on someone else.
And You Expect Them To Change For You
Not only do you put them on a pedestal, but you expect them to meet that standard you're holding them to. If there's something you're not happy about, you expect them to change at the drop of a hat to make you happy.
You Always Have To Be In Control
There are two people in a relationship, which means that you can't be the only person who's in control. Two opinions, two people making the decisions. As much as you may want to control everything, your partner has to have a say in the decisions too.
Only Dating People That Look A Certain Way
A lot of people naturally gravitate towards a certain "type" when looking for a relationship, but that shouldn't mean that you only look at the men who are the exact kind of tall, dark, and handsome you normally go for. Sticking to your type could mean missing out on someone that would make a great partner for you.
You're Judgmental About Everything
From the second you start talking to someone or the first time you go out, you find yourself judging or evaluating them on everything from their job to their clothes to their relationship with their parents—and you make snap judgments about all of those things.
Everything Is Done On Your Timeline
Are you the person who made a five-year plan for exactly when they'd get engaged, buy a house, get married, and have children, but you actually expect that to happen exactly as you planned it?
You can't be looking for someone who will fit exactly into that plan that you've made without any room for change, or you're going to be looking for a long time.
Maybe It's Time For A Little Self-Reflection
Take some time to think about your last few relationships. Did every single one of them end because of something the other person did wrong, or did they end because you were expecting too much from one person?
But Remember: You Don't Have To Lower All Of Your Standards
When you're trying to find your next relationship there are certain things you may need to accept aren't realistic, but that doesn't mean you should throw all of your standards out the window.
You're Not Interested In Dating As A Hobby
You're not looking to date someone simply because you're bored and wish you had a person to keep you entertained. You're only interested in dating someone if you could actually see it going somewhere, instead of wasting your time.
It's Okay To Have A Few Dealbreakers
While it's important to know what you're looking for in a partner, it's also okay to have a few things you know you want to avoid.
Be cautious about how quickly you determine what is or isn't a dealbreaker for you, but know that it's okay to have a few things you absolutely aren't interested in your partner having or doing.
You Have Certain Values You're Looking For
Relationships are about compromise, but one thing you shouldn't have to compromise on is morals or values that are important to you. If you want to be with someone who values family as much as you do or is religious or is financially responsible, it's okay to wait for that person. You don't have to compromise on everything.
You Have No Interest In Playing Games
If you know that dating apps aren't for you or you know that you're not interested in "talking" to three or four people at once for months on end before you ever have a date, stick to that.
Don't get sucked into dating apps because you feel like you should if you know that it's not the right way for you to find someone.
You Shouldn't Have To Change Who You Are
Just as you shouldn't be expecting someone else to change for you, you shouldn't be expected to change yourself. You should feel comfortable in your relationship being exactly who you are, without having to limit what you say or how you act.
Standards Are A Good Thing, Just Make Sure To Check Them Every Once In A While
You don't ever want to feel like you're settling for someone in a relationship, which is why having standards is a good thing, but the important thing is making sure you don't get too caught up in finding some perfect person who doesn't actually exist.
Stay Open To The Possibilities And You'll Find Someone
As long as you're not closing yourself off to every person or shutting someone down the second they don't check one of your boxes, you're going to find that right person. Don't settle for someone just because you feel like you should.