Woman On TikTok Puts Men’s Dating App Profiles On Blast

Dating apps might seem like a convenient way to meet other single people in your area, but they are also a hellscape to navigate. While receiving creepy or rude messages is one of the most common problems women face on the app, another prevalent problem is that some guys’ dating profiles just straight-up suck.

This woman took to TikTok to share the worst ones she’s come across, and wow, they are hilariously awful.

It’s So Painful To Read These

@ameliasamson

She’s not in the mood for these people today, y’all. Not in the mood AT ALL. #dating #pain

♬ Monkeys Spinning Monkeys – Kevin MacLeod

Meet Amelia. Over her time on TikTok, she has gained 89,400 followers, many of whom follow her for her content surrounding dating and her scathing reviews of the dating profiles she personally sees or her followers submit to her.

She’s A Multitalented Woman

photo of two women with text
Photo Credit: Instagram / @thehoelyhour
Photo Credit: Instagram / @thehoelyhour

In fact, she has a podcast called “The Hoely Hour” where she discusses dating life, relationship issues, and, most scandalous of all, the naked tango as well as sharing chaotic dating stories sent in by her listeners.

She Makes Other TikToks, But Mocking Profiles Is Her Bread And Butter

@ameliasamson pointing at Tinder profile with long/specific swipe left list
Photo Credit: @ameliasamson / TikTok
Photo Credit: @ameliasamson / TikTok

There’s something uniquely funny about terrible dating profiles because, in their essence, profile bios are meant to entice people to want to date you. Some people’s just happen to do the exact opposite.

It’s Not Like There Will Ever Be A Shortage Of Them

the dating app Tinder is seen on the screen of an iPhone
Photo Credit: Joe Raedle / Getty Images
Photo Credit: Joe Raedle / Getty Images

Luckily for Amelia and unluckily for anyone trying to find love, there is no shortage of terrible dating app bios out there. These are some of the most hilariously awful ones we found.

Why Was This Your First Thought?

in response to prompt
Photo Credit: Instagram / @unhinged
Photo Credit: Instagram / @unhinged

This guy claims that he has so many other great travel stories and still chose to go out of his way to talk about pooping his own pants as a grown man. Tragic.

Not Sure How I Feel About This One

this account it run by may's current boyfriend. I want to find her a replacement before I breakup with her
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs

On one hand, it’s kind of charming that May’s boyfriend wants to find her a new boyfriend so she won’t be lonely after the breakup. On the other hand, it’s absolutely insane.

Of Course His Name Is Chad

6'5 250 athletic freak absolutely beast on the court can run a run in 4 mins 45 seconds but not that fast in the sac :) just need a mommy or daddy to take care of this man boy are living dangerously enough to take on this absolute god
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs

The sheer lack of punctuation would normally be enough to mark a bio as bad, but Chad leaned in all the way and wrote one of the most annoying, nonsensical, and chaotic profiles I have ever seen.

Hope The Essay Went Well

Columbia '18. URGENT: Can I post my essay here for you to proof read? It's due tomorrow please
Photo Credit: Instagram / @tinderbios
Photo Credit: Instagram / @tinderbios

You know, I actually kind of respect Shreyas for focusing on his good grades and just trying to do well in school. I really hope that he got a good grade.

It’s A Good Goal To Have

prompt: one thing I'll never do again. Man says: Go to jail, hopefully
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs

I guess that it’s a good thing that this person hopes to avoid another trip to prison, but I don’t know what possessed them to put it in their dating profile.

Chair, But Make It Electric

just know that I'm not looking for anything but sex. I have a girlfriend that has a kid that i've been helping her out with for 7 months. But I'm tired of the kid. so i told her to get rid of the kid... but she's fighting me on it. So might as well start looking for a new girl, right? I need a hot skinny girl
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs

I have a radical idea for Jeff, and it’s that if you don’t want to date someone who has a child, the solution is not to make your girlfriend get rid of her son—just date someone childless.

I Sincerely Hope Lucy Didn’t Get Back Together With Him

just looking for a quick band or something until me and Lucy get back together again
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs

Lucy, if you’re out there, I hope that you’re doing well and that you didn’t get back together with this guy. And if you did, it’s not too late to dump him.

I Have A Feeling I Know What The Lie Is…

in response to prompt
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs

I’m getting a nagging feeling just based on the fact that this was the first thing that came to his head that this man has negative respect for women. I hope he gets no right swipes.

How Generous!

I'm no gynecologist but I'll take a look
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs

You would be surprised by the number of untrained volunteer gynecologists you might find living in the area around you. While clever, I still totally hate that he wrote this as his bio.

Weird Thing To Say On An App You Use To Try To Meet Women

If god was real there would be no women
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs

I can’t believe that Gavyn signed up for a Tinder account, went through the work of uploading multiple photos of himself, and then decided that this was the place to say he hates women.

I Have No Choice But To Stan Zoe, Chloe, Tori, And Maddy

honestly I just enjoy judging women it's one of my favorite pass times and I get bored when I poop. So although I know I'm a bad boyfriend, I'd appreciate it if you would stop showing my girlfriend my profile @Zoe @Chloe @Tori @Maddy
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs

Truly, can we take a moment to appreciate that these women, upon finding out that this guy was on Tinder while having a girlfriend, made sure to let her know? Logan might be trash, but these ladies are great.

Just Pick A Different Prompt

Possibly (but still unlikely) if I allow myself to do so, which will happen if you meet a lot of criteria. I'm a very rational person. FWB more likely
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs

Here’s the thing: there are over 10 different prompts for people to choose from to say a little bit about themselves on their profile, and people will still do garbage like this.

What Do You Have To Offer At All?

I ain't friendly be a bit mean cause what you have to offer other than what's between ya legs?
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs

This is such a loud way to say that Gilbert is an unbearable jerk with no personality who also happens to not respect women. Gilbert, why would you tell on yourself like that?

Sweet Home Alabama!

Nate (19): kinda wishing I had a step-sister at this point in the quarantine
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs

You know, there are some things that I will look at and think “that’s funny in an awful way,” but this is not one of them. Maybe keep that out of your Tinder bio next time!

Yeah, And It Sounds Much Better Than Dating You

In response to prompt
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs

This is such a fun self-own and he doesn’t even realize it. Women aren’t too lazy to find a worthwhile man, so this guy is pretty much saying that getting a dog is better than dating him.

Honestly, Same

I work 30 hours a week I have no hopes or aspirations my serotonin receptors have been destroyed by my weakening inhibitions I'm a gamer sometimes I watch a lot of twitch I have below-average intelligence and terrible sentence structure, punctuation, and grammar
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs

I kind of love and respect that Jacob came out here and just laid it all on the line: he’s not a catch and he’s not going to pretend to be one. The honesty is refreshing.