Tweets That’ll Rattle Narrow-Minded Dudes

This one is for every guy who has "bro choice" tattooed on his left buttcheek, specifically. They're the ones who scoff at your love of video games, talk over you in meetings, and ask you when dinner's going to be ready. Even though you're not cooking?

Sure, these narrow-minded guys are stuck in the past, but we do have one thing to thank them for, and that's how easy they are to make fun of. No offense, but Twitter is so done with conforming to old gender standards, and we are ready to roast some biases.

Kyle's Got Standards Now, Huh?

kyle is a sandwich artist
Photo Credit: @lacedinflower / Twitter
Photo Credit: @lacedinflower / Twitter

This is the same guy who sent you a message in ninth grade history class and asked you for your notes. He's got big strong opinions about women despite, and let me be frank, spending 90% of his time with virtual ones.

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*Sigh* Guys Get Away With So Much

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throwing on a jacket
Photo Credit: @guneezzz / Twitter
Photo Credit: @guneezzz / Twitter
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All tea no shade, but guys really do have it so good. All they have to do is shower and the world applauds them. If I had the same morning routine as men in my life, I'd get asked if everything's OK at home.

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Sorry You're Intimidated

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tweet about powerful women
Photo Credit: @catcohen / Twitter
Photo Credit: @catcohen / Twitter
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This is the truth. I don't know how many guys I've dated who said they were attracted to my "confidence" but then mysteriously didn't like it when that confidence meant I wouldn't do everything they asked of me. You ever tried grocery shopping for someone with 10 dietary restrictions? It's a nightmare and I'm not doing it.

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"Sorry" Is Our Go-To Vocab

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chair apology at work
Photo Credit: @JenAshleyWright / Twitter
Photo Credit: @JenAshleyWright / Twitter
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Ladies, raise your hand if you're sick and tired of being conditioned to always apologize for every little thing you do because you live and work in a male-dominated world. Now say you're sorry just in case someone can smell your BO.

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Welcome To Beauty Marketing, XO

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shampoo and conditioner
Photo Credit: @matchu_chutrain / Twitter
Photo Credit: @matchu_chutrain / Twitter
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I can't wait for the day that some guys learn about all the extra cash we have to drop as women on unnecessary beauty items because we're taught to believe they'll make us look better. I just bought body exfoliant yesterday—that's just sand mixed with soap. Am I insane?

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Nothing More Natural Than The Silent Treatment

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natural look
Photo Credit: @AmyAbroad / Twitter
Photo Credit: @AmyAbroad / Twitter
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Not only did this guy make the big mistake of having an opinion about a woman's appearance, but he also made the big error of commenting on it during her morning commute. Don't you know how savage and stressed every human gets when they're going to potentially be late and miss their morning iced coffee?

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'Scuse Me, Beautiful

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waist grabbing
Photo Credit: @tesuailak / Twitter
Photo Credit: @tesuailak / Twitter
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If not, they should really start. Why not throw in the musty-breathed whisper in his ear, "Hey beautiful, I'm just gonna sneak by you," while he spills his vodka cranberry on your shoulder? Yeah, he drinks vodka cranberries too.

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Did You Really Need Four Seats?

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manspreading in public
Photo Credit: @evaandheriud / Twitter
Photo Credit: @evaandheriud / Twitter
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You know exactly who she's referring to. It's Randy with the button-down gingham shirt who's passed out on four chairs snoring while you furiously stand at the over-crowded gate. Oh, to be born with that audacity.

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Gender Roles: Another Reason To Hate The Holidays

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dinner women cooking
Photo Credit: @rachelMComedy / Twitter
Photo Credit: @rachelMComedy / Twitter
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There's a bit of irony here: Notice how the people who are doing the least amount of work are the ones most excited to keep talking about old roles that used to let them get away with not helping out in the kitchen? You know, a great way to beat stereotypes is to make the Caesar salad yourself, dude.

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Okay, We Hate Purses, But Come ON

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leaving the house
Photo Credit: @gothshakira / Twitter
Photo Credit: @gothshakira / Twitter
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Seriously, how do they do this? Forget the whole pockets thing, this is a separate issue. How are male-dominated industries even a thing if their top executives aren't prepared for when their lips get a little dry?

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Oh, Thank You For Letting Us In For Once

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emotional as a treat
Photo Credit: @binchcity / Twitter
Photo Credit: @binchcity / Twitter
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This is not all men, I think we should clarify. I think she's only referring to the ones who hide 99% of their feelings and only let them out when they're destroying 14-year-olds on Fortnite.

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Live With No Regrets

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burped in face
Photo Credit: @little_budget / Twitter
Photo Credit: @little_budget / Twitter
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A good way for this man to avoid this unfortunate situation is to just keep his hands and lip motions to himself. You know, like a normal, sane person generally would.

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Marketing: Makes Women Wear A Purse. Men: Here's Stuff To Put In It

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big bag
Photo Credit: @DaynaHorton / Twitter
Photo Credit: @DaynaHorton / Twitter
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The irony in this is thick, but it's literally par for the course for anything we do. Whether it's wearing makeup, having hobbies, or carrying a friggin' bag, they complain whether we do them or not. I'm getting the feeling we can't win.

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The Nice Guy Complaint Just Says So Much

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girls never go for nice guys
Photo Credit: @MykeCole / Twitter
Photo Credit: @MykeCole / Twitter
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This tweet is for any guy who's reframed his rejection as a personal fault of hers instead of something he should work on. Hey, we all do it. Just read an astrology article and they'll tell you what's wrong with you so you don't have to guess.

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Mansplaining Is A Curse On This Earth

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mansplainer
Photo Credit: @ReutersZengerle / Twitter
Photo Credit: @ReutersZengerle / Twitter
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The second I hear the words "well, actually..." I order a coffee on my mobile app, sit down, maybe put a facemask on, and stick a bag of popcorn in the microwave, because I know I'm going to be here for a while.

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To Be Fair, My Marinara Jars Have Stayed Closed

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opening a jar
Photo Credit: @Gabrielle_Korn / Twitter
Photo Credit: @Gabrielle_Korn / Twitter
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This is hilarious, but it's also true...until you find out you can use a butter knife to pop the seal. Seriously, I thought my bolognese sauce was doomed until I googled it the other day.

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High School Was Seriously The Roughest

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straighten hair
Photo Credit: @unrealizzztic / Twitter
Photo Credit: @unrealizzztic / Twitter
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I do remember that because I still pull the same dumb stunt for dudes that aren't worth it. Tell me why I shave my legs when I go out on Saturdays, as if anything's going to happen. It just shows you the power of social conditioning and the baby-soft feel of a Venus close shave.

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Pockets—A Dystopian Luxury

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clothing with pockets
Photo Credit: @fangirltherapy / Twitter
Photo Credit: @fangirltherapy / Twitter
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We've made the dream a reality when minor gender-specific inconveniences don't happen to us anymore. Can I get an RSVP to that future, especially if that means I don't have to smile at strangers?

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Where Are My Natural Boot-Cut Ladies At??

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denim legs
Photo Credit: @EricColossal / Twitter
Photo Credit: @EricColossal / Twitter
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This is only funny because it sounds almost believable. Like, they know that we don't have boot-cut legs...but then again, there's got to be one guy out there who doesn't...right?

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No Really, Being Condescending Is Funny, Please Continue

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men with jokes
Photo Credit: @eleanorbate / Twitter
Photo Credit: @eleanorbate / Twitter
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You know that the only reason he thinks he's gone and done the world a favor in the worst and weirdest way possible is because his other bros hyped him up beforehand about it in the group chat...or subreddit.

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Buying This For Every Man In My Life

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something every man needs: Finally, a line of lipstick made exclusively for men (picture of superglue tube)
Photo Credit: Twitter / @cybersh33p
Photo Credit: Twitter / @cybersh33p
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There have been many times in my life in different scenarios—business meetings, college lectures, bar conversations—where I have genuinely just sat there thinking, "Has anyone ever told this man to shut up?"

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Men Are About To Be Heated

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Photo Credit: Twitter / @TMN3218
Photo Credit: Twitter / @TMN3218
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Women will often look at astrology with a bit of curiosity and fun to consider it, and men will make fun of them for "wasting time," but they're committed to managing a fake football team for hours on end. Okay, buddy.

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Accountability For His Actions? Never Heard Of It

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men b like how dare you mention something I did that traumatized u it hurts my feelings to remember how I hurt u
Photo Credit: Twitter / @netherwarts
Photo Credit: Twitter / @netherwarts
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Some men will really make you feel like the villain for confronting them about the ways they've hurt you. You could ask them to stop cheating on you and they'd say, "Oh, so I can't do anything now!"

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Why Is That Your First Thought?

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women: we want equality. men: so we can hit you?
Photo Credit: Twitter / @maddy1daddy
Photo Credit: Twitter / @maddy1daddy
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I love how women will ask for equality and there is always some guy who immediately asks if he can start openly assaulting women. Bro, we just want to get paid equally; please control your violent tendencies.

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This Is So Funny And Sad?

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photo of sticker on car saying
Photo Credit: Twitter / @BrittJonesRadio / @jaboukie
Photo Credit: Twitter / @BrittJonesRadio / @jaboukie
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Imagine being willing to die of something completely preventable just because you're afraid you won't seem manly of you keep the airbags in your car. Sorry, buckaroo, but being deceased isn't particularly masculine either.

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Literally No One Asked For This

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men on Tinder be like
Photo Credit: Twitter / @caitiedelaney
Photo Credit: Twitter / @caitiedelaney
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Here's the funny thing: I have met very few women who really care about how tall a man is unless she wants him to be just a bit taller than her so he doesn't complain when she wears heels.

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Masculinity Is So Frail

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ad for
Photo Credit: Twitter / @zblay
Photo Credit: Twitter / @zblay
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This is such aggressive marketing, and for what? I can understand a father wanting a diaper bag that might go along with his clothing style or something, but this borders on insanity.

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It's A Tale As Old As Time

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men are like
Photo Credit: Twitter / @loveangelb4by
Photo Credit: Twitter / @loveangelb4by
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The reality is that there are men who are initially attracted to a woman due to her self-confidence but then later get annoyed by it because she won't accept subpar treatment and doesn't inherently feel like she needs them.

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Literacy Who?

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girl he's not leaving you on read... he can't read
Photo Credit: Twitter / @daniellemaria99
Photo Credit: Twitter / @daniellemaria99
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Baby girl, he didn't leave you on read 25 minutes ago. He's still trying to sound out the words so he can understand what you're saying. Be patient with him.

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I'm Adding This To My Repertoire

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you can say
Photo Credit: Twitter / @humanaaron
Photo Credit: Twitter / @humanaaron
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Other similar techniques involve saying "pack it up, Brockhampton" to any large group of men, or using the phrase "slow your roll, Elon Musk" any time a guy thinks he's come up with the best idea ever.