People have put up trees in their homes and decorated them with beautiful things, there are plastic reindeer on lawns, hot chocolate is everyone’s drink of choice, and Hallmark Christmas movies have returned to the screen.
The genre is so niche and honestly such a big part of the season that people love to talk about them. Here are tweets that are a little too accurate about Hallmark Christmas movies.
I Love This Fantasy
I truly think that the story premise of every single Hallmark Christmas movie is totally nonsense and would never happen in real life, but I still lowkey wish I could live it.
They’re A Little Intense
In the normal world, people not decorating their homes for the holidays is just accepted: maybe they were too busy to do it or maybe they just didn’t feel up to it. However, it’s a chargeable offense in these movies.
It Has To Work Eventually, Right?
In Hallmark movies, when someone slips and falls on enough ice, they magically fall into the arms of a prince. When I slip and fall on ice, I just have a bruised tailbone.
It Really Puts You In The Holiday Mood
You could be living somewhere that has an outdoor temperature of 70°F and you would still end up wearing a cable knit sweater and mittens by the end of it.
They Are Nothing If Not Consistent
I never knew that there could be so many holiday-themed disasters, but Hallmark Christmas movies always find one. You wouldn’t think there not being enough Christmas cookies would lead to marriage, but alas, it always does.
They’re Getting Inventive
There have been too many plot lines about journalists going to a small town or there being some sort of baking competition—they’re really starting to get spicy with the movie premises.
It’s Just Such A Beautiful Ending
Am I fully aware that Hallmark Christmas movies are bland, tasteless dramas that purposely just try to drag out our emotions? Yes. Will I cry at the end of every single one? Also, yes.
They Really Just Drop It In There Like That
Truly, there will be a child wandering around a store and asking for help to find some string lights, and, unprompted, the kid will say, “My dad is dead and my mom, who hasn’t dated since, is super lonely!”
Enemies To Lovers Is A Golden Storyline
I don’t care how many times I see this exact same story play out. I’m a sucker for watching two people who despise each other at first slowly fall in love, and I blame Pride and Prejudice for this.
I’m Pretty Sure That’s The Song Lyric
This is my official petition to change the lyrics of “Deck The Halls” from “‘Tis the season to be jolly” to instead be this, which is way more accurate for modern times.
Play That Uno Reverse Card
This movie probably already exists, but instead it is framed as a coming of age film. I would like to have it occur with the same whimsical spirit as a Hallmark film, though.
Sorry, Vanessa Hudgens
Kind of like how professional soccer players from around the world come to play in the U.S. league once their careers are pretty much over, actors go to Hallmark Christmas movies to collect a couple more paychecks before retirement.
Alexa, Play “One Way Or Another” By Blondie
Truly, Hallmark Christmas movies are cute on screen, but if women did the things they did in those films in real life, they would end up cut into pieces and stored in some guy’s freezer.
They Really Just Recycle Every Movie
I swear there are 40 different actors who all look vaguely similar who they cycle into each movie like some weird cinematic relay race. They have five plot points and they put them in a hat and whatever they pull out is the movie storyline.
The Glow-Up Of The Century
I wonder if Meghan Markle, when she was playing roles in these low-budget holiday classics, ever would have believed someone if they told her she’d be a literal princess one day.
If So, How Can I Attend One?
For some reason, these films often feature an extravagant holiday ball where everyone wears gowns. I would just like to dress up like a princess, so if someone would host one in real life, that would be nice.
Seriously, How Do They Find These People?
No joke, every female lead in a Hallmark Christmas movie looks like she was pulled straight from the candle aisle at Target, had her hair done into weirdly crispy curls, and shoved on set.
Sorry To The CEO
I would like to put a public service announcement out there to every big city CEO who has been left by his fiancée for the baker to say that I am available and will move to New York with you.
It’s A Tradition
In my opinion, watching cheesy Hallmark movies is a huge holiday tradition, just as important as decorating the tree and getting drunk off of eggnog with rum with your parents.
Narrator Voice: She Was Not Fine
Do I make fun of Hallmark Christmas movies and their cheesy ways on a daily basis during December? Yes. Would I like to run into a handsome stranger who teaches me the “true meaning of Christmas” and fall in love? 100%.