To some people, flirting and gauging someone else’s interest is a very simple thing to do. However, for many others, it’s hard to know when someone is actually flirting or just being friendly.
On Reddit, these men and women came together to share stories of times men were horrifically oblivious to the fact that they were being hit on.
I Can Picture Him Shaking
“In the ninth grade, a girl I liked was asking me about something in class, leaning forward over my desk and giving me a full unobstructed view down her shirt. No bra. I did the gentlemanly thing and tried not to look. This went on for about five minutes and I was sweating and couldn’t really talk straight. I must have sounded like a complete idiot.
“She eventually returned to her desk and we just continued as acquaintances. My friend later told me he saw her unbutton the top of her shirt before coming over to me. I was a complete idiot.”
It Was A Fun Surprise For Him
“The first date I had with the guy I’m dating now started with him not knowing we were on a date. At the end, after I heavily flirted with him the whole time, I invited him back to my place. He said yes, but nothing happened after that.
“About a month later he made the connection that that was a date.”
Not An 11-Hour Round Trip…
“I drove five and a half hours to hang out with him. No big deal hahaha.”
I’ve done some pretty intense things for a guy I’ve liked, but I can’t imagine spending 5.5 hours on the highway only for him to see it as platonic.
You Want A Slice Of This
“A girl I worked with invited me back to her place to sample a cake she’d made. We got to her place and she explained that she just needed to frost it before we the. Proceeded to ice the cake, periodically dipping her finger in the bowl, and getting me to taste it. After a few rounds of this, she then dips her finger in the bowl, and proceeds to porn star suck a gigantic amount of icing off it.
“We ate cake, and I left. Nineteen-year-old me was so stupid.”
This Is Why You Shouldn’t Do Drugs, Kids
“One night at a party, I was very high. This girl who I had been talking to comes up next to me and says ‘You’re really hot.’
“My dumb brain misheard her and I responded with ‘NO, I’M REALLY HIGH.’
“Took me until the next morning to register what she really said.”
Jet Lag Did Him Dirty
“I met a girl at a bar in Germany one time and we got talking since she was also an English speaker, turned out she actually was studying at the same university as me.
“After the trip when we got off the bus from the airport, she suggested that I could go back to hers for the night rather than walk home all by myself. I guess the flight really took it out of me because despite her being surprisingly insistent on the offer, I declined because I just wanted to go to bed.
“I bumped into a roommate of hers a week later who told me straight up that she was trying to get with me. Felt pretty stupid in hindsight.”
That’s So Innocent Of Him
“My first company training is where I met my husband. I invited myself to his room, we drank, and I got naked on his bed. He didn’t get the hint until the third night. His thought process was that he’s always slept naked, so it wasn’t an invitation.”
It’s The Whiplash For Me
“I liked my coworker from the moment I met him. I would playfully flirt with him but he didn’t see me in any light but as a friend. Almost every time we worked together I asked if he wanted to get a bite to eat after work—he always said no. One time he was acting down so I asked if he wanted a hug to cheer him up, and he said he didn’t like hugs. I teased him (because who doesn’t like hugs?) and he said, ‘I do like them from girls I’m interested in.’
“However, about seven months later he admitted he had feelings for me and I was like ?????“
She Could Not Have Been More Obvious
“A female friend helped me move into a dorm. She stays basically the whole day helping go from apartment to dorm. After we finished, I was sitting at the table helping her with math and she was standing leaning over my shoulder. At some point, she bit my neck.
“I asked her why she did it, and she giggled and said she was sleeping over. I responded, ‘Sure, you can sleep on my bed and I’ll sleep on the floor!’
“She left shortly afterward.”
At Least He Got It Eventually
“On a Tinder date at her place, we talked and the subject of massages got up. I enjoy giving them, but not in a sexual way. She asked for one, so I agreed. It started on the sofa, but she said she wasn’t comfortable enough so we went to her room. She asked if I minded her removing her bra. I said no, but still had no clue about it.
“I massage without oil. She had to propose twice for me to use her oil. Three minutes later she said, ‘You know that oil is edible.’
“At that point, I understood it.”
No One Is Their Smartest At 18
“I was driving a girl back to her place twice after separate parties. She asked me twice if I wanna go in and drink something. I responded twice, ‘Nah, it’s too late I just wanna go to bed.’
“Well, I wasn’t the brightest at 18.”
I Am Absolutely Baffled By His Obliviousness
“When I was about 16, I was at a friend’s birthday party. One of the girls was cute and we talked for pretty much the entire night. She gave naive 16-year-old me every sign that she was into me—I thought she was just friendly. At one point we are sitting in the back of the room watching a movie with everyone and she started showing me how her Velcro fly on her pants was so easy to open; she opened and closed it in front of me multiple times. I said, ‘I mean velcro is cool but it’s not that different from a regular fly.’
“She literally showed me how to get into her pants and I thought she was just really into velcro.”
Smart Enough To Know Trivia, But Not Flirting
“One night, I went to trivia with some friends. I had in the prior year moved from across the country, and I went out wearing a baseball jersey from my hometown MLB team.
“One girl on another trivia team sees my jersey and approaches me about it. She was from the same city and we talked for a while. Eventually, she went back to her team, and I thought that was that. A female friend at my table looked at me when the other girl left and was like ‘Dude, she was hardcore hitting on you.’
“I reflected for a moment and realized she was right.
Sometimes The Boys Aren’t Worth It
“When I was at a party, I ended up meeting a girl who, looking back on it, was obviously flirting with me. She kept mentioning how she wanted to dance with me and asked what time I was going to leave, etc. She mentioned how she had room for me to sleep in her bed and that I was more than welcome to stay in her room for the night. I said something along the lines of, ‘Thanks, but I can’t leave the boys.’
“Huge L on my part.”
All He Needed Was A Direct Sign
“I had the hots for this guy—very attractive, intelligent, talented, hilarious, the works. We were close friends and I would look at him from across the room, smile at him, and make stupid faces. I would come and hug him when it was cold or I was just bored or whatever.
“He had no clue I liked him. I spent weeks doing these things (and so did many other girls). He was totally clueless and thought they were all just being friendly. So one day we were alone and I just kissed him. We started dating and we haven’t stopped for two years.”
She Didn’t Even Like Football, I—
“I was a sophomore in college, had just gone through a breakup of a long relationship, and I had gotten to know a very sweet, very pretty girl through a mutual friend. Definitely thought she was hot.
“Within a week of me going through the breakup, she started to invite me over to her dorm room to watch football and basketball games… She didn’t like sports, and her roommate was never around. I am a fool.”
Thank God For That Coworker
“Guy here, a girl at work kept nudging me gently and I was oblivious as all could be. Took another coworker telling me to my face that she liked me for it to register because I’d never had anyone genuinely hit on me.
“Ladies, if you like him and he’s not picking up on it, be direct in some way. Please.”
“My husband. Every time I try to initiate sex.”
As a woman, I’d hope that after being with a guy for a while, he’d understand when I’m being flirty, but apparently, they don’t even get it when you’re already married.
The Cuddling Wasn’t Enough Of A Hint?
“I used to go to the coffee shop once every few days with this guy. The second time I did this, I got him to read to me; I told him his voice was soothing. We’d get hot chocolates after work and he’d read to me and I’d just snuggle up against him. I even fell asleep cuddling him a few times.
“When I kissed him eventually he was all like, ‘Whoa I had no idea!'”
The Big Takeaway Is To Just Be Obvious
“Moral of the story is: girls, if you’re not forward or direct, then some other girl is gonna kiss your crush and steal him from you.”
No more sending signs or flirting—we’re just professing our feelings like a dramatic movie scene from now on.