Sometimes, after a breakup, you might not want your ex to get into a major car accident, go bankrupt, or die of an awful disease, but you do wish for them to be miserable in little ways—maybe they step in water while wearing socks or have to go to the DMV because they lost their driver’s license.
This woman on Twitter took it to another level with these hilariously mundane ways that she hopes her ex is miserable.
I Hope It Happens When He’s In A Rush
I genuinely hate when this happens, especially if I’m running late or I just want to go to bed, and then I have to wait for the whole thing to restart so I can shut down for real.
She Has No Idea Who He Is
There’s something sickeningly satisfying about having an ex try to hit on other women and them expressing literally zero interest in getting to know them. I love to think that his contact information isn’t saved in her phone—he’s just a number.
I Hope It Happens In The Middle Of A Good Song
The Air Pods would probably function just fine after this happened, but it’s funny to think of him having to scoop them out with his hands, clean them, and then feel a little gross when he puts them back in his ears.
Or A Piece Of Lettuce In His Teeth
One of the worst feelings in the world is coming home after a long day out only to see that you had a visible booger in your nose or lettuce in your teeth and no one told you.
You’re Not Worthy Of The Dog
When a person rejects me, I normally don’t care at all. There are plenty of fish in the sea. However, I am devastated every time a dog owner says I can’t pet the fluffy boy.
Imagine Being The Friend On The Outside
It’s a lot like being the third friend who walks behind while the other two walk together on the sidewalk, or being the one friend in the group who doesn’t have a nickname. It’s so painful in the simplest way.
I Don’t Want A Single “HBD” Post On His Facebook Wall
There are few small things more distinctly painful than no one remembering your birthday. I hope he waits at midnight for someone to send a birthday text that doesn’t come.
A Horrible Curse To Bear
I think that I would rather spend a month in prison than be cursed to barely missing my favorite songs every time they’re played for the rest of my life.
“Aha That’s Crazy”
I swear: in the modern day, sending memes is the equivalent of making someone a mixtape, and them not thinking it’s funny almost can feel like a personal attack. Ouch.
I Hope It Happens At Least Four Times
I hope he falls off Rainbow Road in Mario Kart but manages to catch up to the pack, get into third place and regain his confidence, and then falls off again and ends up in last.
I Mean, If The Shoe Fits…
First of all, I actually really hope that my ex actually has committed to going to therapy—because boy, did he need it—but I would love it if she told him he was the toxic person ruining his life.
It Would Also Be Great If He Didn’t Have A Cleaning Cloth
In my perfect vision of this scenario, he’s wearing a fabric that isn’t great for cleaning glasses so that, despite his best efforts, there’s always still a little grime on the lenses.
You know the feeling: someone leaves you on read, but you swallow your pride and just send the double-text anyway and then they still don’t respond to you so you end up feeling like a fool.
I Hope It’s In Public Too
You know that feeling—it’s subtle, but still so uncomfortable that you keep trying to fix it. In public, though, you don’t want to look like a gross person who keeps putting their hands in your mouth, so you just suffer.
It’s Such A Simple Yet Awful Mistake
It’s such a terrible experience: you wake up feeling confused, check your phone/clock, and then realize you were supposed to wake up hours ago. You spring out of bed in a panic trying to get things together.
Perhaps During Overtime In A Basketball Game…
Having your television fall off the mount and shatter is annoying, but can you imagine the look on his face if it happened with only two minutes left in a three-point game?
This Is So Perfectly Evil
I hope they bring up the joke pretty often, too, to the point where he pretends to get it so that he can feel included even though he has no idea what’s going on.
He Has To Recreate All Of Them
If you’ve ever had your music library deleted, you know the pain of trying to recreate all of your favorite playlists when you can’t remember exactly what songs you need.
The Disappointment And Betrayal Of It All
You know those days where work drags on and you feel completely miserable, and the only thing getting you through it is the leftover pizza in the fridge? Imagine coming home and someone else ate it.
The Awful Wet Feeling…
The worst part is that you can’t just push your sleeve back up because your hands are wet and it would only make the situation worse, so you just have to suffer through it.