I live two very separate lives: one is the public life I lead in my professional world, social spheres, and in general just going about my daily activities in public, whereas the other is the life I lead when I’m alone at home with no prying eyes nearby.
While I might be a put-together, assertive, and organized person in public, my apartment is pure chaos, and I am barely a functional adult in my personal time. If you’re in any way similar, these memes are for you.
This Is Actually My Weekend Schedule
It’s not that I don’t have productive intentions for my days off, I just never seem to nail the whole “following through” part. At least I enjoyed those 13 episodes of Grey’s Anatomy!
I Haven’t Emptied The Dishwasher In Weeks
The mindset of “that can be a future me problem” works well until future me has to deal with the problems that the past version of myself was too lazy to deal with.
I Coordinate My Hairwashing Days Accordingly
I’ve been commended by friends about how my hair never seems to get greasy, but what they don’t know is that I look like a dirty rat at home and plan my showers around public appearances.
It’s Me—I’m The Sister
In public, I am the most bouncy, fun, outgoing version of myself, which makes everyone who has seen me in private one-on-one know that I am a total con artist.
I Personally Identify As “Organized Messy”
I know exactly where every single thing I own is at any given time, even if the location is “partially hidden under an old cotton round on my bathroom floor.”
The Midnight Snack Is My Guilty Pleasure
I understand that just about every healthy eating article tells you that you shouldn’t be eating after 8 p.m. or whatever, but I cannot resist making a bowl of midnight ramen!
Yikes, Sounds Like Someone Else’s Issue!
Don’t get me wrong: in my social and professional spheres of life, I am great at taking accountability for my actions and fulfilling my responsibilities. That doesn’t mean I have ever refilled the Brita filter in my fridge.
Learning From My Mistakes? Sounds Fake
Feedback at work? I’ll take it and try to use it immediately. However, when it comes to destroying my liver and personal life, I will never learn my lesson. Who wants wine?
This Reminded Me I Need To Drink Water
My friends all seem to have their personal lives neatly put together and are starting a family, whereas I cannot keep a single houseplant alive and am worried I am eating spinach from the bag for dinner.
The Price Of Being Flawless In Public
I’ll walk out my front door with my makeup looking pristine, my outfit entirely on point, and confidence in my step, but just know that I have to return home to the mess I made in the “getting ready” process.
My Sleep Schedule Is Non-Existent
It doesn’t matter if I complained about how tired I was the whole day and nearly fell asleep on the way home from work, I will still scroll on social media for hours and fall asleep at 3 a.m.
Sorry, But You Can’t Rush An Artist
I’ll admit, my need to look like the most put-together person at every function also makes me late for every event I’m supposed to go to. However, better late than never.
Pajamas Are My “At Home” Fashion
I may look like I stepped straight off the New York Fashion Week runway on a day-to-day basis when people see me, but I am constantly in pajamas within the confines of my home.
I, In Fact, Do Not Work Well Under Pressure
Despite the confident, “can do” attitude I put on when around other people, I immediately crumple under pressure when I am alone. Kleenex and comfort food are my best friends.
I Truly Am A Softie
While I can be a confrontational, no-nonsense, powerful woman in the workplace and on the streets, I secretly just want to cuddle up in a blanket and hug my teddy bear.
This Is A Gross Double-Standard
Every once in a while, I’ll slip up and accidentally let the sensitive and vulnerable™ side of me share my thoughts on social media, but then I drink a glass of wine and remember who I am.
I Call This Hair Look: No One Is Seeing Me Today
I vaguely remember that one time a guy I was dating called me a catfish because I always look really hot when we’d go out somewhere, but I resemble a potato at home.
“This Will Be A Productive Evening”
Every time I think I’m going to do something of value in the evening, I instead let myself take a “brief nap” only to wake up at midnight and decide to try again tomorrow.
I Get Close To Being Fully Put-Together, And Then The Universe Intervenes
I’ll start eating healthier foods, exercising more regularly, meditating every day, and generally bettering myself, and just when I get the hang of it, some horrible life event hits me in the face and I’m back to square one.
Then Again, I’ll Never Stop Being Fly On The Outside
So what if I’m lowkey a disaster who has no sense of diligence or accountability in her personal life? At least I still look extra as heck when I stunt in public.