Things That Are Too Relatable If You’re A Boss In Public, But A Disaster In Private

I live two very separate lives: one is the public life I lead in my professional world, social spheres, and in general just going about my daily activities in public, whereas the other is the life I lead when I’m alone at home with no prying eyes nearby.

While I might be a put-together, assertive, and organized person in public, my apartment is pure chaos, and I am barely a functional adult in my personal time. If you’re in any way similar, these memes are for you.

This Is Actually My Weekend Schedule

Me at 9am: I'm going to go jog, do laundry, and clean all day. Me at 7:30pm after 10 hours of netflix: (photo of girl eating cereal)
Photo Credit: Instagram / @psychiatricmind
Photo Credit: Instagram / @psychiatricmind

It’s not that I don’t have productive intentions for my days off, I just never seem to nail the whole “following through” part. At least I enjoyed those 13 episodes of Grey’s Anatomy!

I Haven’t Emptied The Dishwasher In Weeks

when you leave things for tomorrow and tomorrow arrives (crying)
Photo Credit: Instagram / @naturally.petty
Photo Credit: Instagram / @naturally.petty

The mindset of “that can be a future me problem” works well until future me has to deal with the problems that the past version of myself was too lazy to deal with.

I Coordinate My Hairwashing Days Accordingly

trying to figure out which days to wash my hair so it can line up with my plans
Photo Credit: Instagram / @makeupp_collections
Photo Credit: Instagram / @makeupp_collections

I’ve been commended by friends about how my hair never seems to get greasy, but what they don’t know is that I look like a dirty rat at home and plan my showers around public appearances.

It’s Me—I’m The Sister

Person jokes that their sister is like barney in public but like the T-REX from Jurassic Park at home
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sassy.betches
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sassy.betches

In public, I am the most bouncy, fun, outgoing version of myself, which makes everyone who has seen me in private one-on-one know that I am a total con artist.

I Personally Identify As “Organized Messy”

I may be messy but I'm ORGANIZED messy. if i need eyelash glue I KNOW that there's a tube on the floor under the left side of my bed because I saw it there when I was looking for other stuff I needed and i memorized its specific location for future uses
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sassy.betches
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sassy.betches

I know exactly where every single thing I own is at any given time, even if the location is “partially hidden under an old cotton round on my bathroom floor.”

The Midnight Snack Is My Guilty Pleasure

person jokes that they make ramen in the middle of the night
Photo Credit: Instagram / @anxiety_within
Photo Credit: Instagram / @anxiety_within

I understand that just about every healthy eating article tells you that you shouldn’t be eating after 8 p.m. or whatever, but I cannot resist making a bowl of midnight ramen!

Yikes, Sounds Like Someone Else’s Issue!

When you close the fridge door and hear some stuff fall and leave if for the next person (plane smiling while flying away from disaster)
Photo Credit: Instagram / @abhnigeria
Photo Credit: Instagram / @abhnigeria

Don’t get me wrong: in my social and professional spheres of life, I am great at taking accountability for my actions and fulfilling my responsibilities. That doesn’t mean I have ever refilled the Brita filter in my fridge.

Learning From My Mistakes? Sounds Fake

Me hungover: I hate alcohol I'm never drinking again! Friend: Hey, wanna get some mimosa— me: Yes
Photo Credit: Instagram / @_taxo_
Photo Credit: Instagram / @_taxo_

Feedback at work? I’ll take it and try to use it immediately. However, when it comes to destroying my liver and personal life, I will never learn my lesson. Who wants wine?

This Reminded Me I Need To Drink Water

me friends are getting married and having children and I'm out here wondering if I drank any water today
Photo Credit: Twitter / @LauraSupnik
Photo Credit: Twitter / @LauraSupnik

My friends all seem to have their personal lives neatly put together and are starting a family, whereas I cannot keep a single houseplant alive and am worried I am eating spinach from the bag for dinner.

The Price Of Being Flawless In Public

photo of crying selena gomez captioned: me coming home to the mess that I made when I was getting ready
Photo Credit: Instagram / @_glimmerngloss
Photo Credit: Instagram / @_glimmerngloss

I’ll walk out my front door with my makeup looking pristine, my outfit entirely on point, and confidence in my step, but just know that I have to return home to the mess I made in the “getting ready” process.

My Sleep Schedule Is Non-Existent

Person jokes that, despite how badly they want sleep during the day, they waste 5 hours scrolling on their phone each night
Photo Credit: Instagram / @beautyambra
Photo Credit: Instagram / @beautyambra

It doesn’t matter if I complained about how tired I was the whole day and nearly fell asleep on the way home from work, I will still scroll on social media for hours and fall asleep at 3 a.m.

Sorry, But You Can’t Rush An Artist

Boy: yo sorry we're late. We would've gotten here sooner but SOMEBODY took forever to get ready (photo of guy staring at girl next to him with his hands on his hips)
Photo Credit: Instagram / @abhnigeria
Photo Credit: Instagram / @abhnigeria

I’ll admit, my need to look like the most put-together person at every function also makes me late for every event I’m supposed to go to. However, better late than never.

Pajamas Are My “At Home” Fashion

photo of person lying down in pajamas captioned: me trying to motivate myself to get up and chan ge out of my sleep pajamas into my daytime pajamas so I can start the day
Photo Credit: Instagram / @thedailylit
Photo Credit: Instagram / @thedailylit

I may look like I stepped straight off the New York Fashion Week runway on a day-to-day basis when people see me, but I am constantly in pajamas within the confines of my home.

I, In Fact, Do Not Work Well Under Pressure

Person, despite saying they work well under pressure, crumples under pressure
Photo Credit: Instagram / @demfunytings
Photo Credit: Instagram / @demfunytings

Despite the confident, “can do” attitude I put on when around other people, I immediately crumple under pressure when I am alone. Kleenex and comfort food are my best friends.

I Truly Am A Softie

photo of girl hugging blanket captioned: me with my blanky after a long day of pretending to be tough
Photo Credit: Instagram / @pettybetches
Photo Credit: Instagram / @pettybetches

While I can be a confrontational, no-nonsense, powerful woman in the workplace and on the streets, I secretly just want to cuddle up in a blanket and hug my teddy bear.

This Is A Gross Double-Standard

Cool, so when celebs overshare intimate and personal details it's a Tell All book they'll make money from, but when I do it, it's
Photo Credit: Twitter / @dizzle_st_james
Photo Credit: Twitter / @dizzle_st_james

Every once in a while, I’ll slip up and accidentally let the sensitive and vulnerable™ side of me share my thoughts on social media, but then I drink a glass of wine and remember who I am.

I Call This Hair Look: No One Is Seeing Me Today

Person jokes that their
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sassy.betches
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sassy.betches

I vaguely remember that one time a guy I was dating called me a catfish because I always look really hot when we’d go out somewhere, but I resemble a potato at home.

“This Will Be A Productive Evening”

I like to play this game called nap roulette. I take a nap and not set an alarm. Will it be 20 minutes or 4 hours? Nobody knows. It's risky and I like it
Photo Credit: Instagram / @tequilashots
Photo Credit: Instagram / @tequilashots

Every time I think I’m going to do something of value in the evening, I instead let myself take a “brief nap” only to wake up at midnight and decide to try again tomorrow.

I Get Close To Being Fully Put-Together, And Then The Universe Intervenes

person, just when they're getting their life together, gets interrupted by 2020
Photo Credit: Instagram / @erkmurs
Photo Credit: Instagram / @erkmurs

I’ll start eating healthier foods, exercising more regularly, meditating every day, and generally bettering myself, and just when I get the hang of it, some horrible life event hits me in the face and I’m back to square one.

Then Again, I’ll Never Stop Being Fly On The Outside

That friend who tells you to
Photo Credit: Instagram / @avictoria_f
Photo Credit: Instagram / @avictoria_f

So what if I’m lowkey a disaster who has no sense of diligence or accountability in her personal life? At least I still look extra as heck when I stunt in public.