These Texts Women Received From Guys Will Make You Happy You’re Single

When your close friends and family all have significant others, influencers post about their perfect boyfriends, and romantic comedies make you feel some kind of way, it’s easy to feel like you’re missing out on something by being single.

It’s easy to romanticize the idea of dating when you’re not actively doing it, so here are screenshots of actual texts men have sent women that will remind you that you’re better off alone.

“On Another Note…”

woman: like you made it very clear last night that you never cared about me but I'd appreciate being treated like a human being. Man: yeah sorry about that. On another note I may have chlamydia so you might want to get checked out
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs

She’s really out here just asking for him to give her the bare minimum and all he can muster is a little “sorry” before telling her she’s going to need to make a trip to the clinic. Pain.

Apparently, She Matched With Shakespeare On Tinder

dear ____, it has been a fortnight since the last time I had spoked with you to that I apologize, I am talking to you on this day to ask a picture of you to fathom its beauty. If you could do me the honor of sending me a visual of thine bottom of even perhaps a visual of thine breast covered in soap it would do me such an honor I might as well die with contentment. Yours sincerely
Photo Credit: Instagram / @beam_me_up_softboi
Photo Credit: Instagram / @beam_me_up_softboi

If I was talking to a guy and he wrote out a message using the words “thine,” “fortnight,” or “fathom” in a request for nude pictures, I would simply become a nun.

Everyone Has Heard Of A Dental Hygienist

woman: what do you do for work? Man: I'm a dental hygenist. Google it if you're not familiar lol
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs

It’s not like a “dental hygienist” is a super niche or new profession that people might not have heard of before. Just about everyone has been to the dentist at some point.

That Doesn’t Count As An Honest Mistake

Hey jessica, I know it's random but I have to admit that I have a girlfriend during the time we went out on that date. Out of respect for her, I needed to tell you my truth, I know it's super out of nowhere. That was an honest mistake and I never should've went to your place afterwards, or even to go out with you that day to begin with
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs

An honest mistake is when you accidentally call the wrong contact named “Erica” in your phone, not when you actively choose to cheat on your girlfriend by going on a date with another woman.

Bro WHAT?

man asks what a woman's favorite pooping position is and, after she says
Photo Credit: Instagram / @beam_me_up_softboi
Photo Credit: Instagram / @beam_me_up_softboi

Not only is this a psychotic question to ask someone you’ve just met, but I’m so scared by what he means by “trying different things.” How is this man pooping?

Wow, Someone Give Him A Gold Star

Man: I'm a feminist and I'm all about empowering the female body. Just little things like if you send nudes I will compliment you. Woman: and that is so kind of you. Man: I'm horny. Woman: shocker.
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs

Women around the world are so lucky to have male feminists like this super enlightened guy helping them combat gender inequality by being a thirsty loser. We could not live without him.

This Is Such A Mean Thing To Say

text: you look like Anna ferom Frozen but if they'd had to take a budget cut and buy her from wish. But in all honesty it kinda does it for me
Photo Credit: Instagram / @beam_me_up_softboi
Photo Credit: Instagram / @beam_me_up_softboi

Not only do I have no idea what this woman looks like based on that description, but that’s definitely not the kind of thing you should say as an opening message.

I Want To Burn My Eyes Out

man asks woman over to give him head and, when she expresses that she's nervous about COVID precautions, he says he'll wear a mask while she gives him head
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs

This woman is the most patient person I have met, because if a man I’d matched with on Bumble sent me the first message alone, I would have unmatched him on the spot.

That’s Super Unnecessary

man responds to woman's instagram story of a drink saying
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs

This woman was just living her life and enjoying a colorful fruity drink and this guy thought it was his duty to tell her, unprovoked, how many calories there might be in the drink.

This Is The Most Ridiculous Thing I’ve Ever Read

after sending a weird amount of detail about how he needs
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs

Reading the first message in this text duo made me want to claw my own eyes out. The second message still somehow managed to be worse when he brought up his “condom size” for no clear reason and then calling it “pouring his heart out.”

Take A Hint, Buddy

Email titled
Photo Credit: Instagram / @beam_me_up_softboi
Photo Credit: Instagram / @beam_me_up_softboi

This is a public service announcement to all men that, if a woman blocks your number, she does not want you to find her email and contact her that way.

What Is Going On??

If I were a T-rex, I'd try to hold you in my little arms and then lay down and cry because I couldn't resist the tasty smell of human and ate you
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs

I understand that coming up with a unique or interesting first message to send someone on an app isn’t an easy task, but this is definitely not the creative route to take.

Felt Really Passionate About That

man texts
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs

This guy was so insistent on making his opinion (which nobody asked for) known that he sent the same message twice, so I would like to tell him that he’d sound better if he shut up.

He Really Thought He Won With This One

man
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs

I would like to make it clear that threatening to hurt yourself to elicit a response from someone is toxic and manipulative, and the response you get should not be counted as a win.

Keep The Beatles Out Of This

if your breasts were a song they'd be yesterday by the beatles
Photo Credit: Instagram / @beam_me_up_softboi
Photo Credit: Instagram / @beam_me_up_softboi

The Beatles didn’t become the most globally popular band of their time and earn an iconic spot in music history only to have their song referenced by some gross dude like this.

Buddy, Go Get Psychological Help

man: Hey! ngl I literally just broke up with my girlfriend so idk what tf I'm going right now lol. Woman: hahaha do I look like a therapist
Photo Credit: Instagram / @beam_me_up_softboi
Photo Credit: Instagram / @beam_me_up_softboi

If you’re fresh out of a breakup and don’t know how to feel about things, the last thing you should be doing is swiping and matching with girls on Tinder and unloading your emotional problems on them.

Why Would You Ever Say This?

If daddy issues had a face, it would be you
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs

In what world could someone believe that this is an acceptable thing to say to someone who they have only seen a handful of photos and a one-sentence description of?

Okay, Cute Story, But Why Are You Saying This?

I'm hot according conventional beauty standards tbh. Once like 7 girls approached me in a single day and I almost cried of happiness on the way back home. idk how many men can say has happened to them
Photo Credit: Instagram / @beam_me_up_softboi
Photo Credit: Instagram / @beam_me_up_softboi

This guy really jumped into the messages and said, “I’m not like other guys; I’m special and different and better looking than all of them because I think girls hit on me one time.”

No One Cares

text: finally I meet someone who knows The Smiths! You'd be surprised how many people are completely lost when I mention them..
Photo Credit: Instagram / @beam_me_up_softboi
Photo Credit: Instagram / @beam_me_up_softboi

First of all, The Smiths are an incredibly popular band that most people have heard of. Second of all, listening to a certain band is not a personality trait, but being pretentious about it is.

This Is Not A Second-String Situation

hey! so I have met somebody but my flatmate is single and ready to mingle are you ok with me giving him your number so he can message you and organize dates? (bar at bottom says
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs

I cannot imagine the audacity of deciding you not wanting to date someone and thinking that it’s totally fine to “pass her off” to your roommate just because he’s single.