People Who Shot Their Shot Over Text And Should Throw Their Phones In A River Now

We’re all out here looking for love and that one special person who’s got our backs through thick and thin. So we can’t judge one another for trying right? Nope. We can definitely roast the absolute living daylights out of these desperate people who are sending the worst thirsty text messages we’ve ever seen.

These messages will have you either Googling how to delete someone else’s text or giving up on the whole “finding love” thing for good. Either way, you’re going to be single after reading this, but at least you know there are a bunch more people in the same boat.

What’s Your Diversity?

This person is clearly very much interested in this girl and her story.

They’re willing to expand their knowledge and their vocabulary just to figure out all she’s got going on. Maybe they’ll ask her if she’s lack toast intolerant too.

Facebook Marketplace Is The New Tinder Apparently

Just quickly imagine how creepy this would be getting a message from some stranger you met on Facebook like this.

Just because of how creepy this dude is I’m never watching documentaries again in solidarity with this girl.

Zach From Zocalos Is The Reason I Lock My Doors

I wish I had Zach from Zocalos’ level of confidence.

This man is out here overhearing stuff he knows he has no business overhearing but he’s got a feeling he and this girl are just meant to be. Well Zach, did you predict that you’d be the reason I hate people?

Technology Is So Weird!!1!1!

The universe works in mysterious ways sometimes.

It’s crazy how it kept bringing these people together against all odds even when this one person kept typing in the other’s name and texting them. Hahaha so random.

Speech To Text Is A New One

This is one elaborate and very amazing use of technology.

This man is out here not just falling back on the ol’ “autocorrect” excuse, but he’s exploring new ways for cringe people to say inappropriate stuff over text. What a pioneer.

Curse You Autocorrect We Were Gonna Video Chat

I kind of doubt that the other person was game after the video chat part, but hey, I wasn’t there.

Maybe they’re into people who are this bad at lying and super forthcoming with all the cringe stuff we don’t want to hear.

This Player Was Just Jokes

Sure dude, I get it. Just testing the old waters.

This guy clearly knows you gotta stick a toe in before you take the plunge. Too bad I wish he would just throw his phone off the deep end and never get it back.

I Hate It When I Sleepwalk And Sleeptext My Ex Too

Today on elaborate and nonsensical excuses: sleep-texting your ex.

Just because there’s a one percent chance that you can unlock your phone while you’re sleeping does not mean you can type a sentence out. If I did this I’d end up just sleep-scrolling through Instagram for hours like I do every day anyway.

*Runs Very Far Away When I Get This Message*

This guy is offering a masterclass in ways not to text women.

Any time you want to do some of this cutesy self-reflective asterisk stuff just know that you’re alienating yourself and you’re doomed to wear a fedora for the rest of your life.

This Dude Moves Quick

This person must not be a germaphobe.

There’s no other possible explanation as to why they’d immediately text someone this thirsty and socially unacceptable message. That, or they have zero social skills. Bon voyage.

He Realized He Was Sending Her The Shirtless Selfie Before He Sent It Though

Yeah right. The “boys” do not want to see your abs and I highly doubt sending it to them was even a thought in your head considering that you “realized” you had the “wrong person” before you even sent it.

This man clearly needs to take lessons in lying from the speech-to-text genius.

If We’re Already Naming Things We Love

This person thought that while they were on the topic of listing things they love, they might as well go ahead and talk about their eternal devotion.

Dude, this isn’t Pictionary, don’t take the game this far.

Some Beautiful Unsolicited Poetry For Megan

“Your hairs are like a shelter and I want to rest under their shade” is my new favorite pick up line.

All at once you can scare someone, say their hair is matted and tangled, and talk about how much you need a nap. Perfect.

Pet Peeves? Yeah, He’s Got A Dog

Cringe men and “21 Questions” are like a match made in hell.

These dudes are like moths to flames asking you about everything and anything under the sun while their dogs are sitting there looking at them super concerned.

Oh You’re Dying? Send A Pic

Whether or not this guy was this girl’s boyfriend or not, I believe he needs a lesson in talking to the opposite gender.

Nobody is going to be sending you any kind of pick when their insides are on fire dude. Reel in the thirst monster a little bit, please.

These Friends Just Won’t Stop Stealing Our Phones, Man

Like why? Why? How are you this embarrassed about getting rejected that you have to go and lie about it?

This literally makes no sense because this person made the entire situation worse for themselves by doing this. All of this just scream fragility.

Knock It Out Of The Park

Sometimes when an F-boy tries to make a sneaky move over text, you just have to shut things down REAL fast.

This person clearly understood the assignment and deserves an A+ for creativity.

The Literal Man They Were Looking For

This is arguably too sad to joke about. I really actually feel for this guy who was just making do with the opportunity that was presented.

That “Lol!” should be engraved on his headstone because it probably sent him to the grave.

He Bled Strawberry Jam For Her

Where can I get a guy who’ll bust into a Smucker’s factory for me the moment he hears the workers talking smack? Like uhhhh, what a stud.

It’s such a shame he’s going to be cleaning jam out of his hair for days and we’re totally upset about it.

Doritos xx Love You Too Babe

He’s almost trying… keyword is almost. How easy is it to go onto Google translate and find the correct response to this?

All it takes is two seconds and you can tell your girl “Tostios.”

Church Pastors Sure Are Different These Days

This isn’t a romantic curve, but with the cringe level it’s operating on, it might as well be.

Side note, what church do you think this person is a pastor at? Just wondering for a friend.

Honestly, That’s Fair

Someone’s Twitter says a lot about who they are as a person and if they’re not funny on Twitter, they certainly won’t be funny in person.

So what’s the point?

His Friends Did Him Dirty

What is there to say back to that?

This person is just going right for the jugular and shutting it down before it turns into anything more than just the hope that they’ll say hi back.

He Was Busy

I’ve heard of someone being busy, and I’ve heard of people using stupid excuses to explain why they took so long to answer.

This person combined both of those to have the audacity to respond five years after the fact.

I’d Delete Tinder Too

This is a loaded comment. What is she supposed to do with that?

Is he accusing her of being crazy? Is he saying she looks like someone who would feed her husband to tigers?

They Are Serious, You Know

To be fair, charcuterie does show a lot of commitment.

You have to go to the grocery store, pick out food, and then arrange it in such a way that makes you forget people are just gonna tear it apart.

It Might Be Time To Move On

He does have a point… no matter who you are, you deserve better than someone who has cheated on you twice.

Really, this should be her wake up call to love herself for real.

Simple And To The Point

There is no point in making that casual small talk until there is a long enough pause to block someone.

You might as well just cut right to it and let them down harshly and immediately.

Doesn’t Seem Like The Time Or Place

People need to chill with thinking that someone who is crazy is going to be an exciting person to date.

It’s all fun and games until someone is getting their tires slashed.

Now I See Why They Broke Up

Why is she asking if he would still date her if she was a worm when they aren’t even dating right now?

If he didn’t want her as a human, I hate to break it to you, but…

The True Defenition Of Irony

When he was tying this out, do you think that it occurred to him for even a second that he might do exactly what it is that makes men so trash?

Oh boy.

Subtle Warning

This girlfriend is keeping her man on short leash through some not-so-subliminal messaging.

If I was him I wouldn’t want to find out how serious she is.