The plot of most rom-coms seem great when you watch them and you’re crying at the scene where instead of getting on the train to start her exciting career opportunity, a woman gives it all up to be with the man she just met who just happens to already be waiting there.
Then you realize it’s actually really problematic. In more ways than one. Here are just a few examples.
Do Not Give Out An Address On A First Date
“I was leaving for work on Valentine’s Day and found a rose outside my apartment door. I freaked out—you needed key card access to get into the building.
“I had been on a really bad date a week prior, and I was terrified that this guy had somehow found out where I lived.” —gambitloveslegos / Reddit
Always meet them there on a first date, don’t let them pick you up for any reason.
Screaming Isn’t Passionate
“Having scream-fighting matches with your partner constantly because you’re both so ‘passionate’ like in The Notebook…like, nah, bro. You’re just incompatible. That ain’t cute.” —sloth_warlock85 / Reddit
Instead, you’ll end up with a sore throat and a need for a therapist.
Flowers Don’t Automatically Mean Romance
“Someone coming home and finding their entire apartment full of flowers when the sender obviously had no legal way to get in.” —IWantTheLastSlice / Reddit
Surprises are a weird gray area where you can’t ask for permission without ruining them. Yet, there have got to be some universal boundaries like “don’t enter someone’s home unless they willingly gave you a key.”
Stalking Is Not Cute
“Casually stalking who they’re pursuing.” —oatli / Reddit
In the age of social media, it’s so easy to locate someone on the spot, but that doesn’t mean you should go find them without making plans with them first. Maybe they just don’t want to see you.
Tricking A Person Into Falling In Love With You
“How do you even ‘trick’ a person to fall for you? If they’re not into to you, that’s never going to work, yet in movies it always does.
“And the ‘trick’ part implies it’s lying to or forcing the other person. How is that in any way a healthy base for a relationship of any kind?” —fiercelittlebird / Reddit
All great questions…
Professing Your Love On Their Wedding Day
“Stopping someone’s wedding and asking them to be with you. Really? You couldn’t shoot your shot before the wedding? It’s not a surprise event.
“You’re really going to embarrass everyone involved and destroy their wedding day when you could have just showed up last Wednesday?” —Squirrel009 / Reddit
The spectacle of it makes it embarrassing for you and them, not romantic.
An Overdramatic Proposal In Front Of Strangers
“There was a scene in Love, Simon where one of Simon’s best friends is subject to a public proposal in front of the entire school, and she then has to suffer the horror of publicly turning him down because she doesn’t like him in that way.” —ForeverOk8661 / Reddit
First off, make sure your partner wants marriage before proposing. Second, make it meaningful by doing it in front of friends and family rather than strangers.
Desperately Trying To Get An Ex Back
“Relentlessly pursuing an ex who clearly doesn’t want you back. Sorry dude, leaving wine and roses in your ex-girlfriend’s car while she’s at work isn’t cute.” —lizzyborden669 / Reddit
You can’t simply convince your ex to want you back. It’s a decision they’d have to come to on their own.
Not Taking “No” For An Answer
“Chasing someone who already said no, multiple times. If someone is already in a relationship trying to break them up. ‘Love’ at first sight, no, that’s just lust.” —vemisfire / Reddit
You know nothing about a person from meeting someone once, it’s not worth the ruthless chase.
Fake Dating In Front Of Family
“When ‘couples’ are fake dating and trying to convince their family, then the family forces them to kiss in front of everyone to prove their love.
“No family would ever do this in real life. Like, ‘Please, make out in front of Nana and your Uncle Ken.'” —Ouchpotato97 / Reddit
Old Vampires Dating 16-Year-Olds
“Imagine being so creepy and low life that after hundred years of a lifetime and having superpowers, you still go to a local high school every day to stalk teenage girls.” —lilyrosedepressed / Reddit
Yes, this is a reference to both Twilight and Vampire Diaries, and this is us questioning why we ever were into them.
Everything About The Notebook
“In The Notebook, Ryan Gosling’s character literally builds a house for his ex-girlfriend a decade after they split, who is now married to somebody else. Imagine if that was real life.
“Imagine your teenage boyfriend out of the blue just built a house and expected you to move in with him.” —jamagical12 / Reddit
That’s not to mention when he hangs off the Ferris wheel and threatens to jump. Yikes.
Serenading Them At Their Doorstep
Especially on Christmas, when you’re married and likely spending the biggest holiday of the year with a bunch of people.
Yes, we’re referring to Love Actually, which also features a young boy who thinks he’s in love with his teacher.
Pursuing Someone Who Is Already In A Relationship
If you profess your feelings once, fine. Anything beyond that is intrusive and disrespectful not only to them, but also to their relationship and their partner.
This will strain their relationship, and if it ends up destroying it, you’ll simply be second best.
Breaking Their Window
“Romantically throwing rocks at someone’s window to get their attention. You better be ready to pay for insurance.” —martigrxs / Reddit
The front door is there for a reason. So is the side door, the telephone, social media, etc. Basically, there are countless other ways to get someone’s attention.
Needing For Someone To Sign A Contract
“If 50 Shades was set in a trailer park, it would be an episode of Criminal Minds.” —MaximumZer0 / Reddit
If you need your girlfriend to come to terms on a contract to make sure you don’t hurt her, then maybe you’re not setting the foundation for the healthiest of relationships.
Breaking Through Airport Security At The Last Minute
“Breaking through airport security to profess your love. Have fun getting tased and sent to prison.” —periahdark / Reddit
We’ve always wondered how they even make it as far as they do. What’s even more confusing is why it takes the realization that someone is leaving the country to finally want to profess your love to them.
Driving Long Distances To See Someone Who Rejected You
“I’d canceled the first date as I got a creepy vibe from him. He stalked me online, found my address, drove three hours, and turned up with a dozen red roses.
“Luckily, I got a family member to answer the door and say I wasn’t there.” —hsbrax1 / Reddit
She should really check why and how her address is posted online before dating again.
Kissing Someone To Shut Them Up
“Forced kisses to shut up. My guy, she’s being emotional and trying to work through her feelings and all you do is claim her lips.” —Aunt_Gladys / Reddit
Then we wonder why communication tends to be flawed in modern relationships. Maybe if we listened to each other every once in a while, we’d have a chance.
Maybe We Should Be Asking What Isn’t Creepy…
It turns out that all along, we should’ve been asking the reverse question: what isn’t creepy about rom-coms?
The whole point of it is that it should be an unrealistic fantasy that we should never strive to recreate in real life or use as an example of healthy boundaries.