There are a lot of reasons why you might dump someone in a relationship. Maybe they cheated on you, you realized you had zero chemistry, or you just couldn’t see a future with them. When it comes to love, people will seemingly put up with almost everything. Almost.
User scotty_puff_jr asked Reddit what their pettiest reasons were for dropping someone faster than a bag of hot garbage, and the answers are hilarious.
“He didn’t have soap at his [apartment],” writes one user. “Even by the 3rd date, no soap anywhere at his place, no dish soap even.”
The man sounds like a walking biohazard. That’s not petty, that’s just smart hygiene.
This S*** Is Bananas
“She ate a banana sideways,” writes one user. “Would hold it horizontally, peel it and take bites from the side.”
I feel like if you do this you’re just trying to intentionally piss people off. And congratulations, because it’s working.
Photographing Instagram-worthy food and sharing it on social media is a trend that’s become popularized in the last few years, so I can see how this could potentially get annoying.
But I feel like this Redditor definitely missed out on a golden opportunity for delicious brunches every day for the rest of their life. Breakfast in bed? Yaaaaaas queen.
One user writes that they broke up simply because “he had way better style,” and if that’s not petty, then what is?
But to be fair, I consider it to be a successful day when, at the very least, I put on pants, so I empathize with their pettiness. Who wants to look like a potato standing next to their significant other?
“Me Fail English? That’s Unpossible!”
“She was texting me to tell me about her standards for men which were pretty high,” one user writes. “But I didn’t like all the spelling mistakes she was making.”
Grammar is very near and dear to my heart, so I relate. “What r u doing?” I’m taking you back to English class, that’s what I’m doing.
Imaginary Daddy Issues
Dating someone who has the same name as a family member or ex-lover is often a full-blown recipe for awkwardness.
But I’ll hand it to Reddit to escalate things this quickly.
“I was rejected because I didn’t like the taste of his preferred beer,” writes one user. “I wasn’t asking him to stop drinking it—I just didn’t personally want to drink it. I just said I found it a little too hoppy for my tastes and I was happy to stick with what I was drinking.
“That was the end of that first date. As in he literally decided he no longer wanted another round. The date was over. He had blocked me on Facebook before I walked the 100m to the bus stop.”
How Is She Still Alive?
This user explains that the reason he rejected someone is that she didn’t drink water. Which when you consider that the human body is 60% water and that a person will die after three days with no water, is absolutely astounding.
Actually, maybe he should date her because she’s probably immortal.
“Really hot, incredibly sweet and smart,” one user writes. “But she wouldn’t shut the f*** up about minions.”
The woman certainly knows what she likes, so I’ll give her that.
A Jurassic-Sized Jaw Drop
“She was 100% convinced that dinosaurs didn’t exist,” writes one user.
Imagine being told by someone that they don’t believe in dinosaurs, much the same way a child believes in Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny. If I were a dinosaur, I’d be offended.
I Can Hear This Image
Continuing on the dinosaur theme, here is this absolute gem of a response for why someone rejected their partner. Remember how in the “Jurrasic Park” films the velociraptors sometimes click their clawed toe loudly against the ground? Perhaps she thought she was a velociraptor.
I hope as a consolation present this Redditor gifted her with a pair of nail clippers.
“Oh Deer” Indeed
“He didn’t use pillowcases,” one user writes. “He owned them but never actually put them on the pillows.”
Imagine having an ego so huge that you think your beautiful head is too good for a pillowcase. That pillow is probably so filthy that it contains its own microscopic ecosystem.
Passionate About Pastels
“Dated a guy who was color blind. He’d argue with me about the color blue-green even if I was the only person in the relationship who could actually SEE blue-green!!” writes one user.
Live image of me zooming as fast and far away as possible from this teal-colored catastrophe.
For all you ’90s kids (well, adults) out there, perhaps you can appreciate the awkwardness of this Nickelodeon-inspired mess. What’s the petty reason this user rejected someone?
“His name was Phil. My name is Lil.”
Back To Health Class
The human body is a bit of a mystery sometimes, but two users share that they rejected potential partners because they refused to understand how menstruation works. Good luck finding love with that attitude.
“I wasn’t with a guy yet, but really liked him. I was super put off and lost interest when he asked, ‘Why don’t we just sit on the toilet and let it all out at once instead of wearing pads?’ and then REFUSED to listen to my explanation of how periods actually work because it was ‘gross.’”
“He used too many exclamation points,” writes one user.
Excuse me a moment, because now I am scanning my memory for how often I use exclamation points in my texts.