You might not always be proud of it, but there are going to be times in your life where you don’t like what someone does or what someone says for no particular reason, and that could lead to you breaking up with them.
Eventually, you might be able to acknowledge that it was petty, or maybe you knew it wasn’t a legitimate reason in the moment, but that’s the reason you’re sticking with.
You’re Bacon My Heart
It’s only acceptable to microwave bacon if you’re heating up leftovers and don’t want to go to the effort of turning on the oven or heating up the frying pan, and even then it’s questionable.
Time To Pay Your Respects
“My present boyfriend ‘faked his death’ over the phone with his first little girlfriend when he was 14. As in, ‘Oh, hey Kelly how are you doing toda-AHHHHGHHHHH!!!,’ friend yells off to the side, ‘OH GOD, HE IS DEAD. HE’S HAD A HEART ATTACK AND IS NOW DEAD. THERE ON THE FLOOR.’
“He recalls being very serious about it and thinking he had not only convinced her, but that it was for the best. All, apparently, because she had moved a few blocks away or something and he didn’t want to walk that far.” —Reddit / JLContessa
Buy Him Some Breathe Right Strips
No one wants to go to the movie theater or lie in bed at night listening to someone breathe so heavily that it sounds like they’re sitting next to a bulldog.
For This Next Trick, You’ll Make Him Disappear
There should never be a scenario where someone brings close-up magic, or any form of magic, into your bedroom. Him asking you to climb into a box to be sawed in half is your cue to leave.
That’s… A Reason
“My best mate broke up with a really nice girl and the only reason he gave me was that he was bored that day” —Reddit / mustanglife96.
It seems like there might have been some underlying issues here.
Technology Ruins Another Relationship
“My best friend’s boyfriend broke up with her because her apartment complex installed a gate requiring a code to enter. He said it was a waste of his time and not worth continuing the relationship over.” —Reddit / metiaud
Sweet, Sweet Irony
Revenge of the redheads came in strong with this one. For the woman who got dumped, this is the epitome of poetic justice. You can’t control genetics, but he clearly did you a favor by not mixing yours with his.
Well, That Backfired
“I had an ex leave me after five years so she could ‘go be young.’ About three years later she has two kids and she’s divorced.” —Reddit / iowabeans
At Least One Of Them Had Good Judgment
There is no reason for your boyfriend to clap when the plane lands unless you were the one who was landing it. No one claps when you do your job, do they?
Transportation Costs Are Just Too High
“They raised the toll 75 cents going across this bridge I had to hit to get to her and it wasn’t worth it anymore” —Reddit / ThatGuy2300.
Those long drives across the bridge can really take a toll on someone, plus all those 75 cent charges add up over time!
That Seems Inefficient
“Funny, I just had a friend telling me stories of a guy who broke up with his girlfriends for petty reasons. Apparently, he broke up with his most recent ex for two reasons:
“1: She didn’t know how to make scrambled eggs.
“2: They were making hot chocolate in a pot, and she was moving it from the pot to her mug with a small spoon. One spoonful at a time.” —Reddit / fill_your_hand
This Seems Valid
If someone was an hour later to every single thing you did, that seems like a valid reason to break up with them. She was probably late to the breakup conversation too.
He Shouldn’t Have Crossed You
“He once came with his eyes open and crossed. Just really freaked me out. I could never get the picture of his face out of my mind after that.” —Reddit / fortune_cxxkie
Eating Isn’t Included In This Relationship
This feels like something someone would do if they were trying to get a person to leave their house or break up with them before they did it themselves. Maybe he was the pettier one here.
No Improvising Allowed
“Not me, but my ex-girlfriend broke up with a guy because when singing the Beatles’ ‘Drive My Car’ he added an extra ‘beep-beep’m'” —Reddit / thedeejus.
There’s no need to mess with the lyrical perfection of “Drive My Car.”
Don’t Challenge Him
“We were arguing and she sarcastically said ‘what’re you gonna do? Dump me?’ so I figured why not?” —Reddit / nikisux.
That’ll teach her… to pick a better partner next time around.
Should Cutlery Go In The Bathroom Instead?
So if your ex-husband doesn’t want you to leave your tampons in the bathroom and he doesn’t want you to leave cutlery in the kitchen, the only logical option is to leave him in the dust.
“Friend broke up with his girlfriend before Christmas so he didn’t have to buy her anything. They got back together. Well, for another 10 months until it’s December again anyways.” —Reddit / SirChoGath
The Gesture Isn’t Enough
Sure, it’s the thought that counts, but at the same time, why are your thoughts riddled with spelling errors? If you love me, you should love me enough to use spell check or have someone check your grammar.
Waiting To Pull The Trigger
“Not yet broken up, but it’s in the cards. She littered right in front of me. There was a bin at the end of the road. Nah hun.” — Reddit