Today’s digital age means that everything has gone online—and for many of us, that includes our attempts at finding love.
These people attempted to navigate the tricky waters of online dating, and while they were ambitious in shooting for the stars, they crash-landed in a dumpster. Hop in, there’s plenty of room for everyone!
Medical Romance, Just Like On Grey’s Anatomy
One good place to start when talking to people on dating apps is to ask them about their careers. Usually.
Wait a minute, I’ve watched Grey’s Anatomy before—this is the part where the doctor is so enamored with her patient’s humor that she falls in love with him, right? Wait, no, he’s going to be alone forever? Okay then.
He’s Got Egg On His Face
This guy definitely got more than he bargained for when he gave his Tinder match a food-related compliment.
His vegan Tinder match missed out—if some guy told me I looked as good as an egg and bacon sandwich, I would have leaped straight into his arms.
A Match Made In Heaven—I Mean Hell
Nothing says “Please take me I’m yours!” quite like calling a person you just matched with “hideous.” Can you hear the wedding bells ringing?
Remember how well things went for Beast from Beauty and the Beast? See, there’s some hope out there for him.
Some people communicate with words while others communicate with memes—this guy is the latter.
I don’t know whether or not this flirting attempt backfired, but considering it’s chess-related, I’m going to assume that it did, and this guy probably lost his queen.
It’s The Tinder Conversation That Never Ends
Just like my outlook on life, this conversation is going nowhere.
By the looks of it, it seems like he’s never going to get anywhere with this girl, but the success of his prank is probably more fulfilling than getting a girlfriend anyway.
Too Much Junk In The Trunk
You probably think that because this story talks about a person’s lifelong love of elephants that it’s going to be a wholesome story.
But shame on you for not remembering where you are—this is Tinder, and “I hate this app” is a feeling we’ve all probably experienced before.
Don’t Be Like Josh
Goddammit, Josh, you’re on Tinder to find a girlfriend, not a therapist.
Everyone, don’t do what Josh here did (especially his bizarre request that his date wears high heels). Considering his opening line was as long as a novel, he had to have known he was going to land in the dumpster.
Bye Bye, Brian
As enticing as Brian’s watermelon seed is (she said with raging sarcasm), it’s a blessing in disguise that he then unmatched this woman after her clever comment.
And now Brian and his seed can reside in the dating app dumpster where they belong.
A Kurious Kase Of The Kylers
I’ll give her credit—she saw the opportunity for a world-class Kyle pun and just went for it.
Although I don’t think they’re going to be going out on a date anytime soon because now poor Kyler is stuck having an existential crisis.
There are some people who use Tinder for free, and there are others who spend $10 on Tinder Premium hoping to increase their chances of finding love.
But not this Twitter user. Her attempt at finding love and matching with her crush was dead on arrival. Guess it’s the crazy cat lady life for her.
A Real-Life Hannibal Lecter
This guy might be too big a fan of The Silence of the Lambs. He explains that this woman’s bio said she was a childcare chef, but it looks like she isn’t a big fan of dark humor.
Not surprisingly, he then says, “I got unmatched pretty fast.”
This guy added a woman on Instagram after talking briefly on a dating app, and it’s reasonable to say that his chances with her after his nautical-themed pun are sinking faster than the Titanic.
And much like his chance with this woman, he’s all washed up (okay I’ll show myself out now).
You Did Not Have Me At Hello
You could say that this woman shot her shot but barely put in any effort (the horror of not being able to reply because he’s at work!).
If that’s her attitude toward dating, she’s definitely going to be browsing Tinder for a very long time.
Nothing Says “Romance” Like Racism
There’s a lot going on here with this Tinder conversation, and none of it is even the least bit good.
Many of the people here who shot their shot we can sort of feel bad for, but not this guy. F*** this guy and let’s cheers to him (hopefully) being forever alone.
Let Me Rephrase
When some people venture onto dating apps, they expect to be treated like the Queen of England. Knowing this conversation probably wasn’t going to end well, this guy absolutely just went for it, and we applaud his ballsiness.
“Safe to say I’m probably not getting a reply,” he writes.
Pickup Lines, Jurassic Park Style
Some people love to make puns based on pop culture. Others like to make puns based on spur-of-the-moment happenings. But this guy did both.
I applaud his Jurassic Park-style pun, and hopefully Bronte did as well. Otherwise, this Tinder match is a tyrannosaurus-wreck.
Mary Jane And Michael Jordan
This guy got a little too excited when he matched with some named “MJ.” Unfortunately, his dream match of Michael Jordan turned out to be Mary Jane.
But this poor damn fool laments that he’s just “not sure why she hasn’t replied yet.”
Just Google It
We could tell from the beginning that this conversation wasn’t going to go well. Is this guy getting a first date? Obviously not, but he very much got his point across.
And for the record, ODP stands for “operating department practitioner” (thanks, Google).
My Apologies, Princess
This man explains that he received this text after going on four dates with a woman, and not surprisingly, he didn’t reply back.
She shot for the stars hoping to find a Prince Charming that would treat her like royalty, but there won’t be a fifth date for this evil queen.
Kyle made assumptions and now Kyle looks like a giant dummy. He might not chat with women who have profile pictures of themselves with other guys, but at least we know the difference between “there,” “their,” and “they’re.”
Let’s use it in a sentence, shall we? “Kyle is standing over there in the Tinder dumpster all alone because he’s a presumptive waffle.”