People Are Creating ‘Breakup Lines’ Instead Of Pick-Up Lines And I Am Gutted

Each and every one of us has heard our fair share of pick-up lines, and most of them have been terrible…scratch that, all of them were terrible. It’s hard to imagine that there could be anything worse.

Well, people have started brainstorming “breakup lines” to use when you want to end something with someone but don’t quite know how.

They’re all awful…and kind of funny as long as you never get one.

This One Might Take A Second To Sink In

someone telling their girlfriend not to raise their hand when someone asks if she has a boyfriend
Photo Credit: Reddit / ChuckChuckMoeMuck
Photo Credit: Reddit / ChuckChuckMoeMuck

This is the set-up for a moment that is going to feel like a joke, but deep in the pit of your stomach you know there is some truth behind the joke.

…And Never Get Back Together

Reddit Post: We need to cover more ground so we should split up.
Photo Credit: Reddit / HyperNathan
Photo Credit: Reddit / HyperNathan

Telling someone you should split up to cover more ground implies that there will be getting back together…so maybe this is less of a breakup and more of a “let’s take a break.”

Not Now, Not Ever

Reddit Post: Hey babe, I think it's about time we cancel our gym membership. We're not working out anymore.
Photo Credit: Reddit / spongej0e
Photo Credit: Reddit / spongej0e

I’m honestly just impressed that couples work out together at all. That just seems like the kind of charade that no one could keep up forever, so they were both just lying to each other.

Very To The Point, Isn’t It?

Reddit Post: If you take the
Photo Credit: Reddit / hex_the_nitezombii
Photo Credit: Reddit / hex_the_nitezombii

I don’t know about you, but this sounds like it would be yelled across a parking lot or something about a couple that always fights in public has their final showdown.

Thank You, I Think?

Reddit Post: Girl you're looking like a snack and I'm going on a diet
Photo Credit: Reddit / Bladepuppet
Photo Credit: Reddit / Bladepuppet

This is the kind of breakup that you would feel very offended and flattered by. Yes, looking like a snack is a good thing…but not if you’re a snack no one wants to eat.

That’s A Very Specific Amount Of Time

Reddit Post: You remind me of Halley's Comet. I don't wanna see you again for another 74 years.
Photo Credit: Reddit / Victim_of_Conscience
Photo Credit: Reddit / Victim_of_Conscience

What if both of these people lived 74+ more years and found out they were both alive, would they have to meet again to rub it in the other person’s face how happy they are without them?

What If They’re Not Smart Enough To Get This One?

Reddit Post: Are we tectonic plates? Because we're drifting apart.
Photo Credit: Reddit / comrade_batman
Photo Credit: Reddit / comrade_batman

Look, I’m not implying that everyone is dumb, but what I am saying is that most of us haven’t thought about tectonic plates since high school geography class, and those are years best left behind us.

See You On The Other Side, I Guess

Reddit Post: Hey baby, are you in a tunnel? Because we're breaking up.
Photo Credit: Reddit / _iPood_
Photo Credit: Reddit / _iPood_

You have to ask yourself if you would want to stay with someone who thought that this breakup line would be funny…and who still has cell service that bad.

What A True Shame

Reddit Post: Hey baby, I think I'm going blind. Because I can't see you anymore.
Photo Credit: Reddit / WaynetheWayne
Photo Credit: Reddit / WaynetheWayne

You might even get some sympathy points for this one until whoever you’re breaking up with figured out that you were trying to break up with them by pretending you’re a blind person.

Finally, A Legit Reason To Break Up

Reddit Post: Hey, are you an anchor? Because you've done nothing but weigh me down.
Photo Credit: Reddit / ExistentialBob
Photo Credit: Reddit / ExistentialBob

OK, bear with me a moment, this sounds kind of like the lyrics from a song that we would have liked in our emo phase and put in our MySpace bios when we were mad at our crush.

This One Only Works If You’re A Nerd

Reddit Post: Girl, you must be my kryptonite because I can't stand being around you.
Photo Credit: Reddit / partytown_usa
Photo Credit: Reddit / partytown_usa

Imagine dropping this one-liner on someone and then figuring out that they don’t know anything about comic books or Superman. You’d probably just feel more justified in your decision.

Seems Like They’d Be Dodging A Bullet

Reddit Post: Our relationship is like my financial status: Broke
Photo Credit: Reddit / Zedfourkay
Photo Credit: Reddit / Zedfourkay

Money isn’t everything, we all know that, but do we really want to dream about a future with someone who didn’t have any money or any ambition in their life?

How Old Are We, Really?

Reddit Post: Roses are red, violets are blue, trash is dumped and so are you.
Photo Credit: Reddit / ledge-14
Photo Credit: Reddit / ledge-14

Did anyone else get a note with something like this written on it with terrible penmanship from someone you never actually spoke to in real life because you were in grade school?

…Sounds Like Fake News

Reddit Post: Hey girl, are you a newspaper? Because there's a new issue with you every day.
Photo Credit: Reddit / ghostofoutkast
Photo Credit: Reddit / ghostofoutkast

No one should be responsible for another person’s issues, especially if they have as many as a newspaper! Although, good luck finding someone who is normal in this day and age.

This Is Kind Of A Nice Sentiment

Reddit Post: They say one man's trash is another man's treasure. I hope you find someone who treasures you.
Photo Credit: Reddit / giantcabbage_
Photo Credit: Reddit / giantcabbage_

In a roundabout way, this is a nice thing, right? It’s like the jerk version of your ex telling you that they wish you the best and that you deserve to be happy.

Thanks, Homer Simpson

Reddit Post: Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.
Photo Credit: Reddit / Cambot1138
Photo Credit: Reddit / Cambot1138

This one is just lazy, especially if the person delivering this breakup line tried to take credit for it as their own. Like everyone in the world has watched The Simpsons.

That’s A Job No One Wants

Reddit Post: Damn girl, are you a magician's assistant? Because I want you to disappear from my life.
Photo Credit: Reddit / VOMIT_ON_HIS_SWEATER
Photo Credit: Reddit / VOMIT_ON_HIS_SWEATER

There is literally not one person I can think of that would wake up one day and think, “You know what I want to do with my life? Be a magician’s assistant.”

It Was Clearly Never Working To Begin With

Reddit Post: Hey babe, are you the McDonald's ice cream machine because you just aren't working for me anymore.
Photo Credit: Reddit / mildewmoisturizer
Photo Credit: Reddit / mildewmoisturizer

If you have to compare your relationship with the McDonald’s ice cream machine, you know that that relationship was doomed before it started because that thing never works.

Like That’s Even Possible

Reddit Post: Are you a music fan? Because you are going to have a deeper appreciation for Adele's songs.
Photo Credit: Reddit / coolidge_fan
Photo Credit: Reddit / coolidge_fan

Everyone likes Adele, even if they tell you they don’t, there is at least one song that they jam to. There are worse things in the world than loving Adele.

Ah Yes, The New Year’s Resolution

Reddit Post: Are you a New Year's resolution? Because we stopped working out after the first two weeks.
Photo Credit: Reddit / Forgive_My_Cowardice
Photo Credit: Reddit / Forgive_My_Cowardice

How many of us make a New Year’s resolution that we don’t keep, not even for a week? Yeah, so we know how much effort this person put into their dating life.