Each and every one of us has heard our fair share of pick-up lines, and most of them have been terrible…scratch that, all of them were terrible. It’s hard to imagine that there could be anything worse.
Well, people have started brainstorming “breakup lines” to use when you want to end something with someone but don’t quite know how.
They’re all awful…and kind of funny as long as you never get one.
This One Might Take A Second To Sink In
This is the set-up for a moment that is going to feel like a joke, but deep in the pit of your stomach you know there is some truth behind the joke.
…And Never Get Back Together
Telling someone you should split up to cover more ground implies that there will be getting back together…so maybe this is less of a breakup and more of a “let’s take a break.”
Not Now, Not Ever
I’m honestly just impressed that couples work out together at all. That just seems like the kind of charade that no one could keep up forever, so they were both just lying to each other.
Very To The Point, Isn’t It?
I don’t know about you, but this sounds like it would be yelled across a parking lot or something about a couple that always fights in public has their final showdown.
Thank You, I Think?
This is the kind of breakup that you would feel very offended and flattered by. Yes, looking like a snack is a good thing…but not if you’re a snack no one wants to eat.
That’s A Very Specific Amount Of Time
What if both of these people lived 74+ more years and found out they were both alive, would they have to meet again to rub it in the other person’s face how happy they are without them?
What If They’re Not Smart Enough To Get This One?
Look, I’m not implying that everyone is dumb, but what I am saying is that most of us haven’t thought about tectonic plates since high school geography class, and those are years best left behind us.
See You On The Other Side, I Guess
You have to ask yourself if you would want to stay with someone who thought that this breakup line would be funny…and who still has cell service that bad.
What A True Shame
You might even get some sympathy points for this one until whoever you’re breaking up with figured out that you were trying to break up with them by pretending you’re a blind person.
Finally, A Legit Reason To Break Up
OK, bear with me a moment, this sounds kind of like the lyrics from a song that we would have liked in our emo phase and put in our MySpace bios when we were mad at our crush.
This One Only Works If You’re A Nerd
Imagine dropping this one-liner on someone and then figuring out that they don’t know anything about comic books or Superman. You’d probably just feel more justified in your decision.
Seems Like They’d Be Dodging A Bullet
Money isn’t everything, we all know that, but do we really want to dream about a future with someone who didn’t have any money or any ambition in their life?
How Old Are We, Really?
Did anyone else get a note with something like this written on it with terrible penmanship from someone you never actually spoke to in real life because you were in grade school?
…Sounds Like Fake News
No one should be responsible for another person’s issues, especially if they have as many as a newspaper! Although, good luck finding someone who is normal in this day and age.
This Is Kind Of A Nice Sentiment
In a roundabout way, this is a nice thing, right? It’s like the jerk version of your ex telling you that they wish you the best and that you deserve to be happy.
Thanks, Homer Simpson
This one is just lazy, especially if the person delivering this breakup line tried to take credit for it as their own. Like everyone in the world has watched The Simpsons.
That’s A Job No One Wants
There is literally not one person I can think of that would wake up one day and think, “You know what I want to do with my life? Be a magician’s assistant.”
It Was Clearly Never Working To Begin With
If you have to compare your relationship with the McDonald’s ice cream machine, you know that that relationship was doomed before it started because that thing never works.
Like That’s Even Possible
Everyone likes Adele, even if they tell you they don’t, there is at least one song that they jam to. There are worse things in the world than loving Adele.
Ah Yes, The New Year’s Resolution
How many of us make a New Year’s resolution that we don’t keep, not even for a week? Yeah, so we know how much effort this person put into their dating life.