Your clothes speak before you do—nothing says "I'm done" more than wearing a giant watermelon as a dress. Maybe the watermelon is your spirit animal or maybe you just want everyone to know how absolutely over everything you are. Here are the perfect fashion items for a stylish gal who's ready to just check out.
These fashionable pieces aren't for the summer, autumn, winter, or spring—they're all-season nightmare wear. Critics gave these looks ten no's out of ten but they're perfect for us. Crocs with teeth anyone?
The Dress That Dry Cleans Itself
You ever pick up your dry cleaning and forget the dress so you have to wear the bag? No? That's literally not happened to anyone ever?
Well, Moschino is here to change that in the worst way possible.
This Look Is Trash
I literally dare you not to say "me" when you're looking at this photo. It's completely physically impossible.
Also, fun fact, this hat comes from the same Moschino collection as the dry cleaning dress, which is great to know if you want to completely destroy your wardrobe.
So, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles But High Fashion?
Just because you make something millennial pink and slap a pair of trendy jeans on it doesn't make it not Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle fan merch.
So let's debate, do we think she's team Leo or Mike?
This Dress Just Said "Rawr XD" To Me
Whoever designed this wanted to have their 2006 emo phase again but this time make it cooler and Avant gardé now that they are a grown adult.
Do we respect this decision? It depends on if they end their emails with "rawr xD" or not.
Don't Talk To Me When I'm Wearing My Fish Shoes
We all have footwear that we strap on and just look at ourselves in the mirror saying "yes, you a boss lady." Maybe it's the stilettos, maybe it's a good oxford.
For me, I prefer the trout platform stiletto to really give me that confidence boost in the workplace.
These Hoof Shoes Are Too Hot To Trot
A cosplayer invented these and they've been going viral over the internet ever since—with good reason.
We're just hoping that whatever shred of good there is left in this nightmare world will prevent these from leaving the convention ground.
This Coat Says "NO" But It's A Big Yes From Us
Literally try and stop yourself from wanting to buy this jacket—we bet you can't.
It just speaks truths that we're tired of having to do ourselves and communicates a certain energy we're always trying to put out into the world.
This Dress Is Perfect For The Corner Of The Market That Loves Wearing Broken Pieces Of Wood
This dress is perfect for the carpenter always rooting around for that specific piece of wood that they need to finish the job.
Well, next time you interview at a carpentry shop wear this dress and they'll look no further.
Teeth Soles On Shoes Because At This Point Why Not?
What's worse than gluing a bunch of false porcelain teeth to the bottom of some red Mary Janes? Imagining the sound they'd make walking across tile.
If you hear this behind you, please run.
This Jacket Read Goldilocks And Loved It
The designer of this outfit got one page into the story of Goldilocks and shut the book.
Then they went right to the sewing table and made what can only be described as our greatest fear. Three bears or whatever right? Done.
Eyelashes On Glasses Because They're Trying To Make Us Leave This Planet
We love a good no-makeup hack, though they usually involve some sort of moisturizer routine. You know, something normal that doesn't make us want to cry.
Eyelashes glued on glasses for a mascara-free look makes us want to cry.
Roller Skates For People Who Watch TV Muted
You should only wear these DIY roller skates if you're a card-carrying nightmare person and you want everyone to know it.
They're huge, they're hard to control, and small children won't make eye contact with you while you're wearing them.
Hahaha, I get it. It's like an optical illusion where the ripped jeans show your muscles and tendons through the rips.
So now that we've established that, let's just burn them please.
Therapist: "Shrimp Lady Isn't Real And Can't Hurt You." Shrimp Lady: (:
We've all got our fears. Some people are afraid of spiders, some are afraid of snakes, while I'm afraid of the woman posing with the cocktail shrimp neck pillows.
If I see a person on a flight with one of these, I'm leaving and taking a different one.
The Other End Of The Horse For People Wanting To Be Different
Look, we're not saying the hoof shoes are basic because they're most certainly not.
But if you're really going for that "wow" factor and want to flex on those other cosplayers, break out these bad boys.
Croc, But Make It Punk
God, it's just so hard to be metal and be comfortable at the same time.
Sure, we all love a good black t-shirt but we need the footwear problem solved because Doc Martens just rub too much. This croc designer knows that struggle.
Nobody Can Tell You Nothing In Your $900 Balenciaga Platform Crocs
Crocs—not just for around the house, dads, or children anymore. They're out here literally being high fashion.
The wild part is that these would actually solve the problem of always getting grass stuck in your crocs so I'm not even that mad.
This That New Baguette-Cut Purse
This girl heard people talking about how expensive baguettes were and she was confused. But wanting to stay up on the trends, she went out and got this starch satchel.
Who's going to tell her that baguette is a cut of diamond?
This DIY Rear Patch Fix Needs Jesus
Sometimes you have to bite the bullet and not try and DIY something.
We know it's hard when there are five-minute craft videos and life hacks plaguing the internet, but you have to know your limits or you'll be the rear of the joke.
This Dress That Says "Walk The Dog? Jokes On You Mom, I'm Already Walking Seven"
The inspiration for this look is a New York dog walker and I stand by that statement.
The artist saw how the dog walker literally always looks like they're going to be trampled and decided that was the vibe they wanted. A nightmare.
Eggs Or Clouds? The Age-Old Question
Some of these pieces will keep you lying awake at night guessing with their confusing shapes and forms. Normally you'd be asking why anyone would wear them.
But this jacket will have the words "eggs or clouds" haunting you in those early hours.
Silica Gel Purse For When People Keep Eating Your Bag
Don't you hate it when people mistake your leather purse for beef jerky? Oh, you've never had that problem?
Well, welcome to the world of nightmare fashion where they solved that problem anyway by making a purse look like a silica gel packet. It's used the same—you still throw it away.
Heard You Liked Converse, So I Got You A Converse For Your Converse
Do not be doing this to two perfectly good pairs of shoes.
We understand that sometimes it's tempting to wild out and do something destructive, but baby converse should not suffer because of you.
Just Because You Make The Umbrella Hat Fendi Doesn't Mean You Won't Get Bullied At School If You Wear It
Fendi is out here trying to get our heads put into toilets at school and that's a fact. Why else would they come out with an umbrella hat?
We're not risking our lives for a little convenient waterproofing.
Toilet Man Is Inventive But We Hate Him
You've heard of TV trays, now get ready for TV toilet seats because that's what this world has come to. Listen, this man is an inventor and we respect that.
But, he was so concerned with asking if he could, and never stopped to ask if he should.
Pardon Me M'amm, Stop Doing That With Your Jacket
We love a good cut-out trend—those cold shoulder tops are so fun and hip. But this girl took it way too far with this cut-out for her hair.
We're very uncomfortable and we're not sure what to do now.
Every Exchange Student Who's Been To Paris Has These Shoes
Exchange students who went to Europe are always telling you that it was "just the most life-changing experience," and that the "culture really opened my eyes and made me realize a bunch of stuff."
Well, now there are shoes made for them so they can brag about it even more.
The Jacket For When You Don't Want To Hold Hands
Remember when your mom would tell you to hold your younger sibling's hand before crossing the road and you absolutely didn't want to because they eat their own boogers?
Well, here's the jacket that sends out major "do not hold my hand" vibes and would've saved us all.
They're Like Nike Shocks, But Bad
If you want some more air during the basketball match and just aren't satisfied with the jump height the shocks are giving you, try going high tech with a spring shoe.
Or not. Please don't.
Giant Hairy Foot Slippers To Alienate Your Friends And Family
Do you ever want to alienate yourself completely from your friends and family in your life?
Well, the designers of these giant hairy foot slippers have heard your calls and have made it easier than ever for you to do that.