It’s 2020, so what even is the point of setting a New Year’s resolution? This year was complete and utter chaos, and any resolutions you had probably came crashing down as a result. There are no promises 2021 is going to be any better, so buckle up for the ride and lower your expectations.
Hit The Gym More
Is the gym even open post-lockdown? It doesn’t matter, because we all know you’d rather watch videos of Zac Efron working out while sipping on wine than actually doing the workout.
Maybe if you just buy two more pairs of Lululemon leggings, you’ll feel more motivated… No, you’ll just wear them to be comfy while drinking wine.
Don’t even start on yoga, you’re never “zen” enough to hold a pose for more than two seconds without your mind racing trying to figure out what you want for dinner.
Plus, your third eye is busy trying to catch up on the sleep you never get enough of.
Travel To Bucketlist Destinations
Can we all just take a moment to laugh at this one together? Remember travel? Once upon a time, pre-2020, it was a very thought-out activity. Back then, the problem was always trying to save up enough money and vacation days. Now, the problem is the fear of being locked out of the country.
Spend More Time With Loved Ones
Maybe you can…if you all sit in different corners of the room and shout out at each other to make sure that you’re six feet apart.
No one wants to wear a mask long enough just to hear you dwell on your ex once again. Plus, what’s the point if you can’t even get a hug out of it now?
Ask For A Promotion Or A Raise
With so many budget cuts, salary reductions, and basically the whole economy on pause during the lockdowns, you just kept delaying and delaying.
And we all know you’re working in PJs from home, sipping on lattes, and lying on the couch with The Bachelorette on, so maybe it’s a fair trade.
Summer bodies were scrapped this year, and it all went downhill from there. Who cares, though? It’s not like you’re meeting hotties from your living room, and your Zoom dates don’t go much further down than your neck.
Learn Something New
Maybe this is your chance to finally learn how to make sourdough bread like 90% of the population did over lockdown. I mean, Selena Gomez started a whole COVID cooking show, so why can’t you?
Spend Less Time In Front Of A Screen
Given the fact that you’re reading this on some sort of screen right now, I’m not going to need a crystal ball to predict that this one won’t likely go so well for you.
When you’re spending most of your time at home, what’s better than snuggling up and bingeing Netflix?
Stop Texting Your Ex
If they’re single and you’re single, what’s the harm in sending a little flirty text here and there so that maybe they’ll wake up and see how much of a mistake they made letting you go?
Oh, wait, basically everything’s wrong with that. They’re your ex for a reason, but we know that’s not going to stop you.
Put Yourself Out There More
You have two options. You could either: go on a blind date, actually fall for them this time, and get hung up on them while they ruin your life; or you could watch a movie about someone falling in love and watch its happy ending from the comfort of your couch.
Spend Less And Budget More
But…what about the infinite possibilities of Amazon orders that can show up at your door within 24 hours? You may not “need” anything, but the joy of receiving your own gifts and being on a first-name basis with the mailman is basically self-care.
Everybody needs an outlet, we get it. If wine is how you’re able to fake a smile every day in order to go through the motions, then who’s to say it’s bad for you? Everything in moderation…
Improve Your Health By Eating Better
What does “better” even entail? This vague resolution might as well be meaningless. You’re not a plant, you can’t just live on water.
Maybe if you were more specific with statements like, “I will no longer drown my sorrows in chips,” or “I will start reading food labels and avoid everything that has over 20g of sugar,” you’d have a fighting chance.
Be More Assertive
Is the world really ready to hear what you have to say unfiltered? You’ve tried a few times, and it hasn’t gone well, so now you’ve conditioned yourself to bite your tongue so no one cries. Maybe if you could find a calm, cool, and collected way to express yourself…
Get More Sleep
In retrospect, this seems like a good and easy enough resolution. Then you realize some part of your routine needs to get sacrificed to make it work, and since you’re bound to a 9–5 job, sleeping is out of the question, because you’re certainly not sacrificing your TV-bingeing time.
Be Less Stressed
If only you could sit down your anxiety and be like, “Hey, can you not?” This is a nice resolution to want, but it’s pretty much out of your hands, and since we already ruled out meditation, the ways of taming it are very limited.
Come to grips with the fact that your stress will continue to live with you rent-free.
Unless you’re counting reading 100+ Tinder bios per day, it’s no secret that you’ll just do what you did this year: buy a fancy bookmark, get through the first chapter no problem, then never find a second the rest of the year to turn the page again.
Decluttering Your Space
Going minimalist sounds really good in theory. It’s good for the environment, it’s good for your wallet, and it allows you to actually use everything you have rather than letting it pile up in that cupboard you never open. Except, as soon as you empty your closet, your first instinct is to go shopping.
Do Something You’re Afraid Of
You won’t even take a risk on a blind date because you’re too afraid of getting your heart broken again, are you really going to just ignore all that and jump out of a plane?
Set Goals, Not Resolutions
By now, you’re probably thinking you might as well hide under the covers in bed until further notice, because what’s the point of trying to better yourself anyway? That’s not the point of this article. Instead of making a long list of things you hope you do better at, set yourself specific goals. Where do you hope to be this time next year? How will you get there?