Stop envying those couples announcing their recent engagements on Instagram. Beyond the fancy dresses and lovey-dovey pictures, they're going to be fronting a very expensive ceremony that can be ruined in a split second by a jealous ex, a cheating bridesmaid, or mooing cow.
Once you read these stories, you'll be thanking your lucky stars for your single status.
Wrong Place Wrong Time
"The groom stood up there and started crying in front of everyone, and told the bride that he'd fallen out of love with her a while before but he didn't know how to break it off.
"It was extremely uncomfortable, they both stepped out, and 10 minutes later came back out and got married, because she'd apparently told him she was pregnant..." —naked_nun_run / Reddit
He could've picked literally any other time before that to break the news.
A Profession Of Unrequited Love
"The best man interrupted saying he had to put a stop to this. He was in love with the bride and was sure she felt the same way.
"My sister and everyone else was horrified. Neither the bride nor groom ever spoke to him again." —chadspdx / Reddit
In his defense, this was his last chance to try and win the bride over before she was sealed in a contract. However, maybe he should've spoken to her privately first.
Just For Giggles
"My mom invited an ex she was still rather close with to her wedding and he stood up and yelled 'I object!'
"Little did everyone at the wedding know, my dad had gotten close with him and paid him to stand up and object just for giggles. My mom didn't find it as funny." —[deleted] / Reddit
Even in the extreme cases where the husband and the ex become friends, this still doesn't seem that funny.
A Fight To The Death
"It was a medieval-themed wedding. The best man declared his love for the bride and challenged the groom to a fight for her love. They drew swords and went at it.
"Apparently, they choreographed two nights a week for like six months." —Andrakys86 / Reddit
That's one way to save up on the budget for the wedding's entertainment.
Stealing The Spotlight
"I was at a wedding where one of the bride's guests took the mic from the DJ for a toast, then stepped out onto the dance floor and proposed to his girlfriend.
"As they were being escorted out, they complained loudly about how people should just be super happy for them." —SoCal_Bob / Reddit
How rude to choose to make a day that cost the bride and groom thousands of dollars a celebration of themselves instead.
Keeping The Priorities In Check
"When my dad was marrying his third wife, my stepbrother was about 6, I was 10. The preacher asks if anyone objects and my brother raises his hand so very politely.
"My dad asks why, and he replies, 'because I want you to promise to take me fishing whenever I want, first.'" —Southern_Kisses / Reddit
The kid just wanted to make sure he wouldn't be forgotten about.
"The older brother is a lawyer. He was marrying a lawyer. Most of their friends are lawyers. The officiant was a judge who was a friend of theirs.
"He and his fiancée thought it would be funny to plant someone in the audience. They got a friend to yell 'I Object' to which the judge yelled 'Overruled!'" —suitology / Reddit
They couldn't even let go of their titles for just one day?
"This happened at my sister's wedding. My brother-in-law's boss decided to rock up and yell 'yeah mate, I gotta speak my peace... oh sorry mate, wrong wedding!'.... everyone laughed except my brother-in-law who was pretty pissed." —[deleted] / Reddit
It's not like he can fire his boss, so this is just a lesson not to invite your boss to your wedding.
Right Out Of A Soap Opera
"Before the bride could even begin her vows, the groom's son got up announced to the entire room that she was cheating on his dad with her drug dealer and he couldn't let his dad marry her.
"The dad yelled at his son to leave and married her anyway only to find out it was true five years later." —[deleted] / Reddit
Once again, the son could've picked any moment before the wedding to share the news so they could actually investigate.
A Special Thanks To The Maid Of Honor
"When the pastor got to the part 'or forever hold your peace,' the bride said, 'Yes, I’d like to say something.'
"Then she turned around to her guests and said, 'I'd like to thank my maid of honor for sleeping with my fiancé last night.' With that, she threw her bouquet and stormed off." —[deleted] / Reddit
Notice how she chose to still get ready, put on her dress, and wait to share the news when all the guests could hear? That's the taste of revenge.
A Declaration Of Love With A Twist
"A random guest stood up and proceeded to basically declare his love for the bride and pour his heart out, saying that it should've been him up at the altar that day. The whole room went dead silent. The best man promptly called for DJ/MC to start playing music." — rubber_band_ball / Reddit
The best (or rather worst) part was that the guest's wife was also just standing right beside him the whole time.
You Could Always Count On Siblings
"I was best man at a wedding and the groom's older sister decided to play a joke and stood up and said 'I object' then started giggling. The groom's mother stood up and told her it was not an appropriate joke and told her to go home. This mother still refuses to talk to her daughter four years later." —PM_ME_UR_PHOBIAS / Reddit
Are they even an older sibling if they don't keep trying to make fun of you even on your wedding day, though?
"A friend of theirs got too drunk, and when they say said speak now, he smiled, and started to stand up. My mother grabbed him by his hair and sat him back down by force." —Killj0y13 / Reddit
That was a close call. This is why the open bar should only be allowed after the ceremony.
Cue The Dramatic Entrance
"When the pastor asked for objections, the doors busted open to the sanctuary and a man appeared and started to say 'I do!' but two huge ushers grabbed the guy before he could say anything under the arms and literally lifted him up off the floor and carried him out." —[deleted] / Reddit
It turns out that the guy was the ex of the bride. Why does it take a whole wedding for our exes to realize what they missed out on?
Been There, Done That
"Everyone laughed because they thought it was a joke... But the bride to be really was already married." —PathToTruth / Reddit
It's actually an illegal offense to try and get a marriage license without annulling the other one first. We learned that on 90 Day Fiancé.
Dad Will Save The Day
"A drunken childhood friend of the bride tried to stand up and profess his love for her. The bride's father immediately stood up and tried to haul him off by the ear, except he was so pissed he pulled too hard and partially severed the guy's ear." —ilickvarts / Reddit
The bride may be getting married, but she'll always still be daddy's little girl. You can't mess with that.
A Surprising Intervention
"It was at my wedding that we had at my grandmother's house who lives out in the country next to a cattle farm. The cows didn't make a peep till the moment of objections and one finally went 'moo.'" —sylvester49 / Reddit
Does the part about objections specify who can interject? Cows are living beings who might have feelings too...
First Things First
"They'd been engaged for years but decided to delay the wedding because they had two boys. So the officiant asked if anyone had any objections, cue her eldest saying 'I do! Daddy, I need a wee!'" —BobbieMcGee92 / Reddit
When you gotta go you just gotta go, it doesn't even matter how old you are. The ceremony can wait.
A Wedding Gift For The Groom
"The ceremony was interrupted because the woman the groom was seeing on the side appeared with their baby. Yes...their secret love baby. They explained that polygamy is natural and we should be more open-minded." —taradactyl819 / Reddit
The issue here isn't even polygamy, it's the fact that he never expressed himself to be a polygamist prior. It feels like something you should share with your bride.
Missed Your Chance
"At my wedding, the officiant said 'Anyone finds reason these two should not be wed, now is not the time. You've had years. But find me after the ceremony. I love gossip.'" —Reddit
If you made it all the way to the wedding day without saying anything, you might as well not waste your time and just move on.
Lucky for us, we're single as a pringle and don't have to worry about all of the ways that the supposed best day of our life could end up being the worst.