Funny Tweets About The Pains Of Dating

Dating sounds like I should be fun in theory—getting to meet new people, playing the field, and going out for dinners or to do activities—but in reality, it’s just a lot of bad experiences, disappointing encounters, and straight-up painful times.

However, there’s no better way to cope with pain than to joke about is as these people on Twitter did.

What A Vivid Image

there's one guy on Hinge who keeps insisting I come to his for a drink and refuses to meet out. It's not my skin you will use for a leather couch
Photo Credit: Twitter / @CoCoMaiPhillips
Photo Credit: Twitter / @CoCoMaiPhillips

Going on dates with people from an online dating app sounds like it will be fun until you remember that there’s a chance the other person is a total psycho who will keep your body parts in their fridge.

Sorry Women, But Eating Isn’t “Ladylike”

P1: It's a turn off for me when I see women that eat too much, like can you just be a lady? P2: Fellas... is it gay to date a woman that has a big appetite
Photo Credit: Twitter / @Gregggyboy
Photo Credit: Twitter / @Gregggyboy

Society as a whole loves to control and criticize what women do/wear/say, but I never thought that it could be considered a problem for us to merely eat food. I mean, what if we’re hungry?

Thanks. I’m Cured.

When you tell him you have depression (photo of snapchat where man says
Photo Credit: Twitter / @SheRatesDogs
Photo Credit: Twitter / @SheRatesDogs

There are some men on this planet who are so critically thirsty that they will have the audacity to reply to a message about depression like this. In what world is it okay to bring up her period in this situation?

This Is Such A Wholesome Revenge Plot

yesterday my partner told me that when he's mad at me he gives me
Photo Credit: Twitter / @akblakemore
Photo Credit: Twitter / @akblakemore

I don’t know what I love more: the fact that this guy thinks the passive-aggressive fork delegation is a good enough revenge plan, or the fact he has ranked all the forks in the house on a scale.

Funny How It Works Like That

person tweets: i just realized I've never been in love and only sexually attracted to people.... only to moments later tweet: nevermind he texted back
Photo Credit: Twitter / @LilNasX
Photo Credit: Twitter / @LilNasX

One moment, I’ll be certain that love isn’t real and that relationships are a total scam invented by the media, and then a guy will text me back and I’m back to being a romantic.

1/4 Profiles Look Like This

men on Tinder be like
Photo Credit: Twitter / @caitiedelaney
Photo Credit: Twitter / @caitiedelaney

Guys will go out of their way to put their height in their profile as a subtle brag and then have the audacity to act like they are doing some sort of selfless public service.

Taylor Swift Woke Up And Chose Violence

I think it's actually rude of taylor swift to write an entire album that makes you want to text your ex like what is that ma'am! After all the work we've done to stop doing that!
Photo Credit: Twitter / @holy_schnitt
Photo Credit: Twitter / @holy_schnitt

Taylor Swift really came out of nowhere and dropped a surprise sad album in the midst of the holiday season, when people feel nostalgic, and convinced us to go to our hometowns and hook up with our high school exes. This mistake is on you, Miss Swift!!!

I Never Thought About It Like This

the idea of being married is so weird like what if I'm having a sad moment late at night and I wanna cry in bed and then there's just some guy there??
Photo Credit: Twitter / @baakwaaas
Photo Credit: Twitter / @baakwaaas

Bro, if I get married, is there just going to be some dude chilling beside me when I’m having my random crying sessions at one in the morning? That would totally ruin the vibes.

It’s My Favorite Part About Dating

I miss going on a date with a man and watching the light in his eyes disappear when he realizes that I'm funnier than him
Photo Credit: Twitter / @MarqRobinson
Photo Credit: Twitter / @MarqRobinson

It happens at an exact moment you can pinpoint where you’ll say something witty and it will take him a few seconds to get it before his eyes dim and he realizes he’s not as funny as you. It’s a lost cause for the rest of the date.

If You Identify With Tom, Get Help

therapist asked me if I'd seen 500 days of summer which I think was his way of telling me i am the problem
Photo Credit: Twitter / @rishipuff
Photo Credit: Twitter / @rishipuff

I sincerely love (500) Days of Summer with my whole heart, but I will never trust a man who loves the film since men always tend to side with the main character, Tom, who is the absolute worst.

Oh, How The Turntables Have

one time a girl I really liked demoted me to a slampiece by saying,
Photo Credit: Twitter / @ianiskool
Photo Credit: Twitter / @ianiskool

It’s like that one guy said in that one movie: “You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.” If you encounter enough f**kboys, you become one.

There Are Many Types Of Crushes

yes I have 9 crushes! 3 are dormant (in relationships) and 7 are active (don't know who I am!) ... does this help??
Photo Credit: Twitter / @savannahdeso
Photo Credit: Twitter / @savannahdeso

There are so many types of crushes out there in the world—celebrity crushes, bartender crushes, gym crushes—and they all coexist in my brain at the same time, taking turns being the one I fixate on.

$200 A Day Is Pretty Good Deal

anyone wanna admit they have a crush on me before I do it? (photo of DM asking if they want to be a sugar baby wit ha $200 daily allowance)
Photo Credit: Twitter / @jimbobrays_
Photo Credit: Twitter / @jimbobrays_

You know, with every DM I get from a sugar mommy/daddy who offers to spoil me with monetary gifts on the regular, the more inclined I am to give up on regular dating and work and embrace being a sugar baby.

It Really Feels Like That Sometimes

Hey guys, I'm gonna have sex today! Just remember that if you're not having sex today, it's because you're ugly and undesirable. If you were hotter you'd be having sex today too
Photo Credit: Twitter / @lilr3ds
Photo Credit: Twitter / @lilr3ds

You know, this is sometimes how it feels when my friends tell me about their hookups and intimacy in relationships. Like, okay, I get it: you’re out here smashing and I haven’t felt the touch of another human in months.

In It For All The Right Reasons

Simply cannot stop thinking about a girl I know who dated a guy she couldn't STAND—all because his ex died in a place crash and her biggest fear was dying in a plane crash and she figured there was no way the universe would let both of this guy's girlfriends die in a place crash
Photo Credit: Twitter / @isabelzawtun
Photo Credit: Twitter / @isabelzawtun

Honestly, though, she raises a point: the probability of this guy having two girlfriends die in airplane crashes is so incredibly low that it’s unlikely she’d meet the same demise.

Someone Needs To See Them

i know this sounds strange but u ever take the hottest nudes and thing hmmmmm maybe I should just leak these myself
Photo Credit: Twitter / @boopyape
Photo Credit: Twitter / @boopyape

The worst thing about being single is that I don’t feel the random dudes I meet deserve nudes, so I can’t send them, but some of them are truly such works of art that it’s a crime not to share them.

Jackson Is Really Not Winning Here

text exchange where guy asks a girl to study and she says she has a boyfriend and that the final already happened. second photo shows he got a 0 on the final
Photo Credit: Twitter / @downbadpatrol
Photo Credit: Twitter / @downbadpatrol

Perhaps if this guy wasn’t so preoccupied with finding out a way to ask out Alison from chemistry class and instead focused on studying for the exam, he would have had a better outcome here.

It’s Not That Much Of A Romance

What was titanic?? jack and rose knew each other for like two days and had car sex once that's not a love story that's the 1912 version of a Tinder hookup
Photo Credit: Twitter / @Coll3enG
Photo Credit: Twitter / @Coll3enG

When Rose goes on a cruise only to meet a hot guy from another part of the boat and hook up a few times, it’s a love story for the ages. When I do it, it’s just me being a hot mess on a vacation.

This Is What Long-Term Relationships Look Like

My 36-year-old boyfriends just asked if I ever
Photo Credit: Twitter / @maehaun
Photo Credit: Twitter / @maehaun

When married life is shown on television, the married couple is always the put-together pair in the friend group. In reality, they might be even more immature than the rest of us.

My Weekend In A Nutshell

I'm a hot girl. I do hot s*** (photo of girl wrapped in blanket lying down)
Photo Credit: Twitter / @katastopheeee
Photo Credit: Twitter / @katastopheeee

People in relationships often think that the dating scene is a lot of going out, meeting interesting strangers, and dancing all night, but really, it looks way more like this picture.