You know the old saying "there's plenty of fish in the sea?" Well, clearly the person who said that has never actually looked at the ocean because there is some freaky nonsense swimming there. The same is true with Tinder and I stand by that statement.
Here are some cringe Tinder profiles that will put the fear of God and internet dating into you because these people are really out here trying to slide into your DMs. It's honestly like they're trying to make us "sweet baby princesses" run, not walk, in the opposite direction.
Cameron, You Need To Buy One, Get The Heck Out
Mr. Cameron over here has been spending a lot of time watching the Shopping Channel because he's really invested in marketing himself to the ladies on Tinder. The only problem is that supply greatly exceeds demand, my guy.
Luke Just Needs To Date His Car Already
Luke, you need to go and look at yourself in your car mirror because I have a feeling that you've already got everything you've been looking for. Just save us all the time of swiping and put a ring on that exhaust pipe.
These Bros Who Put In A Team Effort
What's better than Tinder? Tinder with your friends of course! These bros just ignored every thought they had about whether this was cringe and just steamrolled ahead. Press "10" for nobody.
Ryan's Got It All Planned Out From The Restaurant To The Car Fire
So Ryan is out here imagining a lot of futures with the ladies he's meeting on Tinder and we're both scared and scarred by it. Honestly, my hard pass came when he mentioned the small "car fire" part.
Nick Needs Some Positive Human Vibes
Nick is out here apathetically marketing himself to the bots on Tinder because he's just as over the whole thing as the rest of us. Is it cringe? Maybe. But is this relatable? Our empty souls and emotional turmoil say yes.
He Wants To Hear Cool Stories, So Tell Him If His Are
Oh, Paulo has seen your profile and he thinks that you'd make the perfect sounding board to listen to his recent trip to Bali. He wants to know how he can improve his tale-telling about when he swam with sharks and isn't interested in hearing about your boring life anyway.
Ah Yes, Shrekisha
The perfect woman just isn't out there and that's because we can't expect anyone to be perfect all the time. That's what we've always said... until we stumbled across Miss Shrekisha's profile. Now that's a perfect woman right there.
The Girl Who Got (He)r Heart Br(ok)en Way Too Recently
There's nothing like some obvious emotional baggage being clearly expressed on a Tinder profile to really entertain us. This girl is clearly not okay after a recent feud with some guy and she wants everyone to know that she's listening to Billie Eilish and crying in her room.
We Don't Think She Thought About How Ironic This Is
This girl needs to go back to her profile and read it slowly out loud to herself. If she doesn't realize how ironic it is then she's got bigger problems then not finding a date. We have literacy tests for a reason, my friend.
"Talk To Me About Your Thoughts And Feelings About Fruit"
What's worse than a guy who's blatantly trying to disrespect you? I raise you a man who's pretentious enough to try and market towards the side of you that doesn't want that. We're going to go out on a limb here and say he's not spending every day working at a homeless shelter for women.
A Good Way To Find A Guy Is Put "No Showers" In Your Bio
This natural queen is out here living her best eco-friendly life and isn't shy about letting us all know. We respect the energy but she's got to know that a lot of people also find soap super attractive in a person. She should've at least said she was into organic deodorant crystals.
Not A Profile, But This Felon Looking For Love Deserves To Be Here
Help this man who thinks this is a great way to entice strangers to come to his country to hang out with him. Actually... no, we're glad he told her about his criminal history so she can stay far, far away.
Equality For Chicks Dude
Freaking go chicks, go get that equality or whatever. Just make sure it doesn't cut into the time that you should be making this man a sandwich because he's clearly going to ask you to do that.
*Puts GPA In Bio So They Know I'm Educated*
Smart people generally don't tell others they're "hyperintelligent" but hey, what do I know? This girl is clearly the humble, stable, and unique genius that is going to solve all the world's problems. Let's all just do a slow-clap for this girl who deserves all of our respect obviously.
34 Weeks Is A Little Young For Me Bro
Apparently, even those age filters aren't 100% effective because some babies are getting in here. Apparently when you set your preferred age from 29 to 26, Tinder thinks you're talking weeks in the womb.
Nathan, Are You Trying To Meet Women?
Nathan is out here sending some mixed signals about what he's looking for. The fact he's on Tinder sends the message that he's looking for women, but his words are telling me that he just wants to be alone. Nathan, you need to do some soul searching.
He's Got "One Job" Ladies And That's Code For Being Unemployed
A total red flag over here is a guy's profile that's endlessly thirsty. When he's dedicated his life and his online presence to being a thirsty man you can almost bet he's unemployed.
At Least She's Honest
So, we're glad she's honest about what exactly she's looking for but we're a little concerned about what her motivations are. Maybe she's a wealthy 19-year-old entrepreneur on Instagram who wants a man with money on her level. But probably not.
Even Hypocrites Are Looking For Love
This girl has never heard the saying "do unto others as you would like others to do onto you" because she's out here going back on her word. Either that or her thumbs just have a mind of their own and I'm not sure what scares me more.
Hey guys, I just stumbled across the scariest Tinder profile because I'm not totally convinced that this guy is a human. He might be a robot who just learned that humans like to breathe, stand in the sun, and have beating hearts. We love this new human "enjoys fun" like the meat sacks he's impersonating.