Whether you’re the dumper or the dumpee, being part of a breakup conversation is usually not a fun time. Even if it’s ending amicably, it’s going to be awkward, one of you is probably going to get emotional, and then you’re just left alone to deal with it when you walk away.
What if, though, people put more of an effort into breakup lines like they do with pickup lines? Soften the breakup blow by adding a little spice to your conversation.
Sorry, I’m About To Lose You
“Hey baby, are you in a tunnel? Because we’re breaking up.” —Reddit / _iPood_
For bonus points, you could say it while you’re actually going through a tunnel and see if they can hear the whole sentence before you drop the call!
No No, Keep Your Hand Down
“Raise your hand if you have a boyfriend… Not so fast.” —Reddit
Someone would have to have a quick wit to get this one in the moment and realize what’s happening.
Those Breakup Ballads Are About To Hit Different
“Are you a music fan? Because you are going to have a deeper appreciation for Adele’s songs.” —Reddit / coolidge_fan
All those ballads and sad songs you hear on the radio that you never really quite connected with? Well, you’re about to understand their pain.
The Rhyme Softens The Blow
“I knew this girl in middle school who would break up with boys by saying: roses are red, violets are blue, trash is dumped and so are you.” —Reddit / ledge-14
How Wrong Our First Impression Of Each Other Was…
“I will always cherish my initial misconceptions of you.” —Reddit / bow2sensei
Let’s just hold on to the blissful ignorance we shared at the beginning of the relationship and forget about all the bad habits that led to our demise.
The Stars Are Not Aligning For You
“You remind me of Halley’s Comet. I don’t wanna see you again for another 74 years.” —Reddit / Victim_of_Conscience
That means there’s still a glimmer of hope that the two of you will reconcile!!
Maybe You Should Get Glasses
“Hey baby, I think I’m going blind, because I can’t see you anymore.” —Reddit
What if she’s too concerned about your eyesight to realize what you’re saying and offers to drive you to the optometrist?
You Should Probably Cancel It For Real Too
“Hey babe, I think it’s about time we cancel our gym membership. We’re not working out anymore.” —Reddit / spongej0e
Let’s be honest, when was the last time you worked out for real, though? You might as well cancel that too and save yourself the money.
Hope You Find What You’re Looking For
“We need to cover more ground so we should split up.” —Reddit / HyperNathan
The only way to complete a proper search for love is to go your separate ways and maybe meet back up later.
Gotta Keep It Low Calorie From Now On
“Girl you’re looking like a snack and I’m going on a diet.” —Reddit / Bladepuppet
The key is to compliment them and lift up their spirits before you tear them down with the crushing breakup blow.
Oh, We’re Getting Real Specific
“Are you a fidget spinner? Because the last time I had fun with you was forever ago and I’m not really interested in touching you anymore. I’m pretty sure you were just a phase and now I’d really like to get you out of my house and forget it ever happened.” —Reddit / Forgive_My_Cowardice
So What Does That Make You?
“They say one man’s trash is another man’s treasure. I hope you find someone who treasures you.” —Reddit / giantcabbage_
Does this mean he considers you to be his trash?
This Breakup Line Comes With Variations
“Are you a dollar bill? Because you’re single.” —Reddit / Forgive_My_Cowardice.
A suggested alternative is: “Are you a dollar bill? Because you’re not worth as much as you used to be.”
At Least You Think She’s A Tasty Treat
“Hey babe, are you the McDonald’s ice cream machine? Because you just aren’t working for me anymore.” —Reddit / mildewmoisturizer
You’re condemning her to a life of never working for anyone.
I’m Sure They’ll Take The Ending Of Their Marriage Well
“Knock knock. Who’s there? My divorce attorney.” —Reddit / Bobik8
Can you imagine if your marriage actually came to an end with a (not very good) knock-knock joke? At least you’d know divorce was the right route…
“Damn girl, are you being followed? Cause I’ve been seeing people behind your back.” —Reddit / tjames709
You know, there is such a thing as being too honest during a breakup. Maybe keep your side chicks out of the conversation.
Really Hit ‘Em Where It Hurts
“Hey, are you an anchor? Because you’ve done nothing but weigh me down.” —Reddit / existentialBob
If you’re someone who actually wants to stay friends with your ex, we recommend you don’t use this one.
I’d Like To Admire You From Afar
“Will you be the sun in my life? Then stay millions of miles away from me.” —Reddit / Novallyn
Hopefully, this person won’t burn you if you’re outside with them for too long.
The More Letters In Between Us, The Better
“If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would keep U and I pretty much where they are, far apart from each other. Maybe even make them a little further away.” —Reddit / Randvek
Is This A Taylor Swift Lyric?
“If you take the L out of LOVER. Its OVER.” —Reddit / hex_the_nitezombii
You’re already breaking up with them and you want to toss spelling into the mix too? Brutal.