Breakup Lines That Will Have Them Laughing Through The Tears

Whether you’re the dumper or the dumpee, being part of a breakup conversation is usually not a fun time. Even if it’s ending amicably, it’s going to be awkward, one of you is probably going to get emotional, and then you’re just left alone to deal with it when you walk away.

What if, though, people put more of an effort into breakup lines like they do with pickup lines? Soften the breakup blow by adding a little spice to your conversation.

Sorry, I’m About To Lose You

foggy tunnel entrance opening to road with trees on either side
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Aaron Burden
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Aaron Burden

“Hey baby, are you in a tunnel? Because we’re breaking up.” —Reddit / _iPood_

For bonus points, you could say it while you’re actually going through a tunnel and see if they can hear the whole sentence before you drop the call!

No No, Keep Your Hand Down

woman in yellow shirt curly hair smiling with right hand raised
Photo Credit: Pexels / Andrea Piacquadio
Photo Credit: Pexels / Andrea Piacquadio

“Raise your hand if you have a boyfriend… Not so fast.” —Reddit

Someone would have to have a quick wit to get this one in the moment and realize what’s happening.

Those Breakup Ballads Are About To Hit Different

adele on stage in the throes of passion during a balad
Photo Credit: Graham Denholm/Getty Images
Photo Credit: Graham Denholm/Getty Images

“Are you a music fan? Because you are going to have a deeper appreciation for Adele’s songs.” —Reddit / coolidge_fan

All those ballads and sad songs you hear on the radio that you never really quite connected with? Well, you’re about to understand their pain.

The Rhyme Softens The Blow

child in the rain with rose in mouth eyes closed
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Frank McKenna
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Frank McKenna

“I knew this girl in middle school who would break up with boys by saying: roses are red, violets are blue, trash is dumped and so are you.” —Reddit / ledge-14

How Wrong Our First Impression Of Each Other Was…

man and woman seated on log not touching
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Priscilla Du Preez
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Priscilla Du Preez

“I will always cherish my initial misconceptions of you.” —Reddit / bow2sensei

Let’s just hold on to the blissful ignorance we shared at the beginning of the relationship and forget about all the bad habits that led to our demise.

The Stars Are Not Aligning For You

comet in the night sky
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Frank Zinsli
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Frank Zinsli

“You remind me of Halley’s Comet. I don’t wanna see you again for another 74 years.” —Reddit / Victim_of_Conscience

That means there’s still a glimmer of hope that the two of you will reconcile!!

Maybe You Should Get Glasses

man standing behind woman covering her eyes with his hands
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Ryoji Iwata
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Ryoji Iwata

“Hey baby, I think I’m going blind, because I can’t see you anymore.” —Reddit

What if she’s too concerned about your eyesight to realize what you’re saying and offers to drive you to the optometrist?

You Should Probably Cancel It For Real Too

couple in workout gear standing on steps
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Bradley Dunn
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Bradley Dunn

“Hey babe, I think it’s about time we cancel our gym membership. We’re not working out anymore.” —Reddit / spongej0e

Let’s be honest, when was the last time you worked out for real, though? You might as well cancel that too and save yourself the money.

Hope You Find What You’re Looking For

tiny red robot pulling broken heart apart
Photo Credit: Pexels / Burak Kostak
Photo Credit: Pexels / Burak Kostak

“We need to cover more ground so we should split up.” —Reddit / HyperNathan

The only way to complete a proper search for love is to go your separate ways and maybe meet back up later.

Gotta Keep It Low Calorie From Now On

tape measurer next to bowl of strawberries on bright pink background
Photo Credit: Pexels / Lisa Fotios
Photo Credit: Pexels / Lisa Fotios

“Girl you’re looking like a snack and I’m going on a diet.” —Reddit / Bladepuppet

The key is to compliment them and lift up their spirits before you tear them down with the crushing breakup blow.

Oh, We’re Getting Real Specific

man with blue fidget spinner spinning, one red and one yellow on table
Photo Credit: Silas Stein/picture alliance via Getty Images
Photo Credit: Silas Stein/picture alliance via Getty Images

“Are you a fidget spinner? Because the last time I had fun with you was forever ago and I’m not really interested in touching you anymore. I’m pretty sure you were just a phase and now I’d really like to get you out of my house and forget it ever happened.” —Reddit / Forgive_My_Cowardice

So What Does That Make You?

colorful garbage cans arranged outdoors
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Pawel Czerwinski
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Pawel Czerwinski

“They say one man’s trash is another man’s treasure. I hope you find someone who treasures you.” —Reddit / giantcabbage_

Does this mean he considers you to be his trash?

This Breakup Line Comes With Variations

woman in black hoodie holding dollar bill
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Annie Spratt
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Annie Spratt

“Are you a dollar bill? Because you’re single.” —Reddit / Forgive_My_Cowardice.

A suggested alternative is: “Are you a dollar bill? Because you’re not worth as much as you used to be.”

At Least You Think She’s A Tasty Treat

mcdonalds store with sun setting
Photo Credit: Unsplash
Photo Credit: Unsplash

“Hey babe, are you the McDonald’s ice cream machine? Because you just aren’t working for me anymore.” —Reddit / mildewmoisturizer

You’re condemning her to a life of never working for anyone.

I’m Sure They’ll Take The Ending Of Their Marriage Well

couple at counselling seated on couch not touching
Photo Credit: Pexels / cottonbro
Photo Credit: Pexels / cottonbro

“Knock knock. Who’s there? My divorce attorney.” —Reddit / Bobik8

Can you imagine if your marriage actually came to an end with a (not very good) knock-knock joke? At least you’d know divorce was the right route…

Yikes

man seated with head in hands on edge of car
Photo Credit: Pexels / Karolina Grabowska
Photo Credit: Pexels / Karolina Grabowska

“Damn girl, are you being followed? Cause I’ve been seeing people behind your back.” —Reddit / tjames709

You know, there is such a thing as being too honest during a breakup. Maybe keep your side chicks out of the conversation.

Really Hit ‘Em Where It Hurts

boat in water dropping anchor
Photo Credit: Pexels / Sevenstorm Juhaszimrus
Photo Credit: Pexels / Sevenstorm Juhaszimrus

“Hey, are you an anchor? Because you’ve done nothing but weigh me down.” —Reddit / existentialBob

If you’re someone who actually wants to stay friends with your ex, we recommend you don’t use this one.

I’d Like To Admire You From Afar

sun shining bright in the sky
Photo Credit: Pexels
Photo Credit: Pexels

“Will you be the sun in my life? Then stay millions of miles away from me.” —Reddit / Novallyn

Hopefully, this person won’t burn you if you’re outside with them for too long.

The More Letters In Between Us, The Better

pile of scrabble letters
Photo Credit: Pexels
Photo Credit: Pexels

“If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would keep U and I pretty much where they are, far apart from each other. Maybe even make them a little further away.” —Reddit / Randvek

Is This A Taylor Swift Lyric?

woman writing
Photo Credit: Pexels
Photo Credit: Pexels

“If you take the L out of LOVER. Its OVER.” —Reddit / hex_the_nitezombii

You’re already breaking up with them and you want to toss spelling into the mix too? Brutal.