Woman Shares How To Test Men For Red Flags Before A First Date, Receives Mixed Responses

Putting yourself out there in the dating world and looking for a romantic relationship can be a tiring process. You go on date after date with people that weren’t what you expected or have completely different opinions from you, and it gets old really quick.

If there was a way to weed out certain qualities in a date before that first dinner, you’d probably be open to it, right? Well, one woman on Tumblr shared just how her friend tests men before the first date, but it wasn’t all smooth sailing in the responses.

Starting Off Bold

disagree with a man to test if he actually respects you
Photo Credit: Tumblr / w0manifest
Photo Credit: Tumblr / w0manifest

The initial post that started it all was not a complex one; simply a statement, but a statement that says a lot.

A lot of women can relate to having difficulty interacting with men who they don’t feel respect them. That’s why Tumblr user the-rain-monster decided to share her story.

Here’s The Tea

saying no to something minor while planning date to see how they react
Photo Credit: Tumblr / the-rain-monster
Photo Credit: Tumblr / the-rain-monster

Well, this seems simple enough, doesn’t it? This girl is saying that all I have to do to find a good man is offer an alternate night to go out on our date or suggest something I want to do and see how he reacts?

A little back and forth when planning a date or deciding to meet up with someone for the first time is usually common, so this seems easy to do.

Okay… What’s The Point Of That?

she said how the potential date reacted was a huge indicator of whether she actually wanted to meet them, something I readily believe
Photo Credit: Tumblr / the-rain-monster
Photo Credit: Tumblr / the-rain-monster

Obviously, you’re not just going to be difficult for the sake of being difficult, so what do we hope to learn from this little activity?

The way that the person reacts to your conflict is an indicator of what kind of person they are. If they refuse to respect your disagreement without a long negotiation, that attitude might carry through the rest of the relationship.

“Well, How Am I Supposed To Pass A Test I Don’t Know I’m Taking?!”

they can decide if its flaky or not for a date to want to change things
Photo Credit: Tumblr
Photo Credit: Tumblr

Say you’re a man who’s trying to set up a first date, and you unintentionally step into a “test” like this. There are a couple of different ways you can react: you can deem them to be too difficult and cancel the date; you could work with them and pick a different date because it’s no big deal, or you could insist they stick to the original plan.

It’s less about the pass/fail of the test, and more about what this represents.

It’s About Respecting Someone Else’s Needs Or Reasons Without Questioning Them

you can't make rules for other people's preferences
Photo Credit: Tumblr / the-real-seebs
Photo Credit: Tumblr / the-real-seebs

This little maneuver isn’t so you can find a doormat to date who lets you walk all over them and do whatever you want.

All this woman wants is to see if her date is flexible and if he’ll accept her reasons without causing a huge fuss. You want to be with a person who values your opinions and wants to work with you to solve a problem or work through a situation to find the best answer for both of you.

Someone Is Always Going To Be Upset

men reblogging post think it's telling women to lie or be manipulative but it's the opposite
Photo Credit: Tumblr / lierdumoa
Photo Credit: Tumblr / lierdumoa

In a twist that really isn’t a twist at all, some people who read this post were quite upset with what they thought it was implying.

They felt that something like this is encouraging women to manipulate their date or lie to them and be intentionally difficult. However, an equal amount of people felt that the naysayers missed the entire point.

The Ayes Have It

internet responses
Photo Credit: Facebook
Photo Credit: Facebook

Many women and men(!) agreed with this strategy. It’s not about setting a trap or trying to back someone into a corner so that you have a reason to not go out with them.

It’s about knowing what kind of person your potential date is before you get too entangled or invested. It’s much better to know about certain aspects of someone’s character before any legitimate feelings get thrown into it.