Why Relationships Are Hardest For People Who Overthink

Take it from us, because we’re the biggest overthinkers of all. Not only is overthinking a form of sabotage, but it makes it very hard for us to trust anyone, including ourselves.

We even overthink the fact that we’re overthinking. Here are some of the paths this can end up taking us on. Whether you’re an overthinker or have dated one, you’ll likely relate.

Our Minds Play Tricks On Us

woman looking up and thinking
Photo Credit: Tachina Lee / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Tachina Lee / Unsplash

We are paying really close attention to everything you say. And we really mean everything. The way your body flinches or your eyebrow goes up may not actually mean anything, but our brains are constantly trying to do the math of adding up what it all could possibly mean.

Since we’re often reading into nothing, our brains end up calculating wrong and tricking us.

We Assume The Worst

woman hiding her face in sadness
Photo Credit: Ana Bregantin / Pexels
Photo Credit: Ana Bregantin / Pexels

We can’t help but think of all the ways something good can be taken apart before it even has the chance to start. In a way, we’re protecting ourselves and preparing for the risk of it happening.

But, we’re also sabotaging ourselves by acting like it already did and ruining it.

We Need Constant Reassurance

man and woman hug with woman looking sad
Photo Credit: Natalia Sobolivska / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Natalia Sobolivska / Unsplash

It’s not like we overthink one day and not the next. Our minds are constantly racing. That means we end up requiring your validation more than we should to ease the insecurities we’re constantly developing.

Once you reassure us, we’re able to quiet our thoughts, even if it’s not permanent.

We’ve Been Hurt In The Past

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Photo Credit: Anthony Tran / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Anthony Tran / Unsplash

Some of us weren’t always overthinkers. It’s just that someone hurt us pretty badly in the past and now we’re expecting it to happen again.

We hope if we can observe and assess every situation that maybe we can protect ourselves from getting hurt again.

We Blur Our Realities

woman sitting on bed looking to the side
Photo Credit: Bruno van der Kraan / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Bruno van der Kraan / Unsplash

We’ve played so many awful scenarios in our heads that we’re starting to lose sight of how much of our fear is rooted in fact and how much is made up.

We might recall memories that were nothing more than vivid bad dreams.

We Need To Feel In Control

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Photo Credit: Rohan Makhecha / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Rohan Makhecha / Unsplash

The more we can predict, the more we can plan for it and stay in control. We don’t mean to rush you, or pressure you into the next step.

We simply just need to look forward to it so that we’re not caught off guard and know we’re on the right path.

We’re Waiting For You To Turn On Us

man and woman hug against a tile wall
Photo Credit: Alex Green / Pexels
Photo Credit: Alex Green / Pexels

Maybe we’re slightly damaged but we have a genuine fear that at any given moment, you’ll change your mind about us and leave.

We’re looking for the signs by overthinking your every action to try to figure out how to keep you around for as long as possible.

It’s Not Just About You

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Photo Credit: Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels
Photo Credit: Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels

Although our overthinking comes out most in romantic relationships, this tends to be the way we think about everything from our jobs to our friends.

It’s just that with our partners, the relationship is intimate and has much more risk, so the overthinking is amplified at times.

We Hate Ourselves For It

woman looking up to the sunset
Photo Credit: Yuri Manei / Pexels
Photo Credit: Yuri Manei / Pexels

Overthinking is not exactly a fun time. We hate that this is where our brains go, but we don’t know how to stop.

As a result, not only do we overthink our actions, but we overthink how our overthinking must make you feel and it just makes it all that much worse. It’s a vicious cycle.

We’re Extremely Empathetic

woman jumps at man as they kiss
Photo Credit: Diego Rezende / Pexels
Photo Credit: Diego Rezende / Pexels

To be able to try to figure out your exact thoughts and intentions at all times, we’ve developed a real capacity to be able to put ourselves in your shoes.

This has made us empathetic to a fault where we might now start justifying both our toxic behaviors.

Our Happiness Is Easily Triggered

woman and man look at each other during sunset
Photo Credit: Luis Fernandes / Pexels
Photo Credit: Luis Fernandes / Pexels

We can be in the greatest mood all day, then one wrong eye roll and we suddenly can’t stop trying to figure out why.

We go down a spiral where we want to ask you why you rolled your eyes but are scared it’ll come off badly so we bottle it up, but we can’t get over it and it ruins the whole rest of the day. Are you following?

We Can’t Just Get Over It

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Photo Credit: Nathan Cowley / Pexels
Photo Credit: Nathan Cowley / Pexels

It’s not as simple as just shutting down our brains. We can try to rewire our thoughts or channel our energy into distractions but it only lasts so long.

We are trying to work on it, but it’s a process and even therapy won’t “cure” us overnight.

It’s Rooted In Deeper Issues

woman hides her face while lying in bed
Photo Credit: Anthony Tran / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Anthony Tran / Unsplash

Overthinking isn’t its own separate issue, it has to do with a lot more. It’s not the same for everyone, but it can be part of general anxiety, attachment issues, abandonment issues, you name it.

So we just need to be with someone who will be patient with us while we figure it out.

We Tend To Be Overly Confrontational

woman pushes man away at staircase
Photo Credit: Keira Burton / Pexels
Photo Credit: Keira Burton / Pexels

Once a thought is doing enough of a number on us we simply need to address it. It can come off as drama or that we’re looking to always talk about “feelings” or fight.

In reality, we’re just trying to talk it out so we can get over it.

We Fall For Toxic Personalities

woman looks at man as they lie in bed
Photo Credit: Neonbrand / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Neonbrand / Unsplash

If we overthink too much, it can be hard to settle on decisions. We end up going for strong personalities who can make those hard decisions for us.

We often find ourselves in relationships with uneven dynamics and give up our power.

We Can’t Stop Apologizing

woman writing
Photo Credit: cottonbro / Pexels
Photo Credit: cottonbro / Pexels

We apologize for things we didn’t do and we can’t stop apologizing for things we did do, even when you got over it. That’s because we keep overthinking whether you’ve actually forgiven us.

We keep playing our mistakes over and over in our minds and worrying about their consequences.