We talk a lot about romantic love, to the point where we romanticize love with ideals and expectations. As a consequence, we fail to represent those who don’t feel a need or desire for those types of connections and behavior. The reality is, there are some people out there who are happy outside of romantic relationships. Could you be one of them?
It’s Accepting You’ll Never Be In Love
Being aromantic means realizing that you’re just not clicking and finding that connection with anyone. It’s not just bad luck with dates, but a lack of genuine desire or ability to build that romantic connection.
Although this tweet doesn’t have to mean that she’s aromantic or that every aromatic person will relate, it does represent the same idea.
The Meaning In The Name
The word “aromantic” is made of the words “a-” meaning “not,” and “romantic.” When you put them together they mean “not romantic.”
However, “not romantic” doesn’t mean the same thing as never experiencing romantic attraction, and it certainly doesn’t mean not experiencing sexual attraction.
It Can Mean Only Being Sexually Attracted To People
Many aromantic people still find themselves in relationships. However, they can’t help but only be in it for the sexual attraction of it.
“I feel so bad for the 3 boyfriends I’ve had…It was either sexual attraction, or the NEED to have someone to rely on because I was in a bad place mentally, or both, and I have mistaken it for love, but I don’t think I truly know what being in love is.” —boulderopal_ / Reddit
It’s Not The Same As Being Asexual
People who are aromantic experience little to no romantic attraction to others. They can’t usually develop feelings of love.
However, this is different from those who consider themselves to be asexual. An asexual person usually doesn’t desire intimacy or experience sexual attraction at all.
It Doesn’t Mean Being Incapable Of Love
Be careful not to associate being aromantic with being incapable of loving anyone altogether.
Being aromantic doesn’t make you broken, but rather makes experiencing emotion feel a little different.
It Exists On A Spectrum
An aromantic person can still feel some level of romantic attraction to some people under certain circumstances.
They still would identify themselves under the aromantic umbrella because they don’t usually build it to a romantic connection.
You’re Happier With A Friends With Benefits Situation
Unlike your friends who constantly complain about how their friends with benefits situation won’t turn into more, you’re actually glad yours doesn’t.
Just because you don’t want to date anyone, that doesn’t mean you don’t like to have fun or have your own set of needs.
You Never Wanted To Talk About Crushes At Sleepovers
In a lot of cases, such preferences develop at a young age. You might have noticed that during your high school sleepovers when all your pals wanted to swoon over their crushes, you had no one come to mind.
You did more of the listening and less of the sharing.
You Worry About Leading People On
You’re definitely desirable, so somewhere along the line, you meet people who seek romantic relationships with you. There are times you even tried to go for it and thought maybe it could happen, but it just wouldn’t.
You keep feeling guilty for breaking hearts and hurting their feelings.
You Have Lots Of Short-Lived Relationships
You might not be aware that you’re aromantic, or maybe you don’t know how to navigate it, so you date people anyway, hoping that it’ll feel different each time.
However, you go into it based on sexual attraction, and often that leads you into a series of flings rather than meaningful and lasting relationships.
It’s Not A Choice
It’s not that you don’t want to feel any type of romantic connection. It doesn’t come from a place of being afraid of getting hurt or them not being the right person. Some argue that they were just born like that.
Even if you only realized over time that you don’t like being romantic, the only choice you truly felt like you had was how you label it.
You Can’t Even Wrap Your Head Around The Concept Of A Wedding
From the amount of energy you see brides give until they break down from being drained to the amount of money couples spend on it, the whole thing baffles you.
It’s not something you ever dreamed of or saw the appeal in, nor is that likely to change.
You Still Have Plenty Of Friends
We can’t emphasize enough that you still have plenty of love to give. Your platonic loving relationships are strong and numerous.
You still know how to make others happy and care deeply for those around you. Your best friend can account for your ability to always have the right thing to say.
You Don’t Relate To Love Songs And Rom-Coms
You’re definitely that one person in the theater who isn’t balling their eyes out when the guy finally realizes the perfect girl was right in front of him all along. In fact, you’re often rolling your eyes.
Scenes and lyrics like that simply don’t speak to your experiences and feelings.
No One Believes You, But You Actually Love Being Single
While some people often pretend they love being single to make themselves feel better, you mean every word of it. It’s not even about the independence of it, but because you don’t see the point of getting in one.
You feel more true to yourself outside of them.
You Feel Free
You don’t feel bound by the constraints of a relationship and its compromises or the pressures that come with one.
Your future doesn’t depend on your success with another person but is entirely up to you. You feel like you can exist outside of boxes.
Best Friend Over Boyfriend
A relationship with a best friend feels way more meaningful to you than one with a boyfriend. You get all the benefits without the pressure and expectations.
You still enjoy bonding experiences like dates and quality time watching Netflix with someone all night, and maybe even hooking up, but that can all be done without a boyfriend.
You Might Have Heard Of Squishes
A squish is basically the aromantic version of a crush. A squish fulfills the need to have someone to spend time with platonically.
They can be roommates and someone you still share a level of emotional intimacy with, but without the romantic feelings involved in a crush.
You Get Bored Of Hearing Your Friends Talk About Their Relationships
You’re a good friend and you’re there to listen and support whenever your girlfriends need you, but you can’t help but eventually feel bored by all the gossip.
It’s nothing personal, you just genuinely can’t relate to their feelings.
You Don’t Feel Like You’re Missing Out On Anything
While some people feel upset about the fact that they’ve never had the chance to experience falling in love, you’re actually pretty okay with it.
No matter how many times your parents hope you’ll bring someone home, this is the path that feels most right to you, and you’re sticking to it.