You Need To Stop Asking Other Women To Delete Your Boyfriend On Things

It’s not uncommon for people in romantic relationships to feel uneasy or uncomfortable about who their significant other interacts with online. I mean, many women will openly say that they don’t like their boyfriends liking photos from random Instagram models.

It’s completely natural to want that boundary, but why do some people make it the other woman’s problem?

It’s A Pretty Common Occurrence

woman 1 asks woman 2 why her boyfriend follows her on Instagram. Woman 2 explains that she don't know him but has a lot of followers from twitter before asking woman 1 if she wants her to block him. Woman 1 says
Photo Credit: Twitter / @eerrriiicaa
Photo Credit: Twitter / @eerrriiicaa

I was scrolling through Twitter yesterday (as I tend to spend too much of my time doing) when I came across this tweet. To summarize, the girl who tweeted this is a pretty popular creator on Twitter, so naturally, she gains a fair share of transferring followers on Instagram.

Out of the blue, this other woman DMed her on Instagram to say this.

The Thing Is, It’s Not An Isolated Situation

woman asks other woman if she talks to her man. the woman responds that they went to middle school together and she's also a lesbian
Photo Credit: Twitter / @mandimarvelous
Photo Credit: Twitter / @mandimarvelous

This isn’t the first time I’ve seen an interaction like this happen. If you spend enough time on any social media platform, you’ll see stories that women share about other women approaching them to ask about why their boyfriend is following them.

The interactions vary—some are very polite about it while others get aggressive and rude—but the premise is the same: they want this other woman to answer for their boyfriend’s interest in them.

Social Media Has Added A Lot Of Complications To Relationships

phone with instagram, facebook, and twitter app icons on screen
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Dole777
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Dole777

In general, the integration of social media into our regular lives over the past decade or so has added a new dimension to romantic relationships.

With the introduction of going “Facebook official” in your relationship, Snapchat best friends lists causing a stir, and who people are following and liking posts from, social media has come to play a pretty big role in how we view dating and couples.

There’s Been A Lot Of Debate Around The Topic As Well

woman texting on phone
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Tim Mossholder
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Tim Mossholder

There are lots of questions that come up about how you’re supposed to act online when you’re in a relationship. For example, are you obligated to post a photo of yourself with your significant other to show you’re not single? Some might say yes.

Perhaps most commonly discussed is when women don’t like that their significant other is liking photos of other women people online.

But Let’s Get Back On Track

woman 1 responds saying that she'll delete a guy who follows her only fans only for woman 2 to be rude back then proceed to say her boyfriend spend $3000 on her. Woman 1, in response, says that he's a
Photo Credit: Twitter / @dovenymph
Photo Credit: Twitter / @dovenymph

Do you really have a right to reach out to the women your boyfriend is following online?

I guess the situation would be different if it was someone you both knew or someone from his personal life that he regularly interacts with and you had genuine suspicions about cheating, but many of the women who receive these types of messages have no close ties with the guy or woman asking at all.

At The Heart Of It, It’s About Your Jealousy And Insecurities

Photo Credit: twitter / @eerrriiicaa
Photo Credit: twitter / @eerrriiicaa

The reason women get upset about their boyfriend liking photos and following other women on social media comes down to one of two things: they’re jealous of that woman, or they feel like their relationship isn’t fully secure.

It’s perfectly fine to feel both of these things, but it’s not fair to project your own insecurities and relationship issues onto a woman who is simply posting content and living her own life.

In My Opinion, You Should Leave Them Alone

text: hey girly? so we don't know each other but I recently found out my boyfriend is subscribed to your only fans. is there any way you could please block him for me?
Photo Credit: Twitter / @dovenymph
Photo Credit: Twitter / @dovenymph

I think it’s perfectly fine to set boundaries with your significant other about what you are comfortable with, and having some pertaining to who they follow and engage with content from on social media is definitely a fair discussion.

However, I think it’s bizarre and rude to drag a woman who has no real ties to you or your boyfriend into the situation because you’re upset he follows her.

It Really Is Between You And Your Boyfriend

This never made sense to me: women who get mad at the other girls instead of their own boyfriend.
Photo Credit: Twitter / @LibSocWanda
Photo Credit: Twitter / @LibSocWanda

If your significant other’s behavior is bothering you, I think it only makes sense to directly address it with them.

I think of it the way I think of cheating: if your boyfriend cheats on you with someone you don’t know, you don’t really have a right to get upset with the other woman. Your boyfriend is the one who had a commitment to you and betrayed it. The other woman shouldn’t even be on your radar.

It’s A Band-Aid Action

neon sign of instagram like notification for 0
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Prateek Katyal
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Prateek Katyal

Let’s say that the concerned girlfriend reaches out to the woman her boyfriend follows and she agrees to block him/delete him from her account. It never gets back to the root problem, which is that her boyfriend is acting in ways she doesn’t like.

There’s nothing stopping him from just following someone else, and it’s a pretty manipulative way to get what you want when, in reality, you should be talking directly to a partner whose actions hurt you.

Start Holding Men More Accountable When Their Actions Bother You

man and woman sitting and table looking serious while talking
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Fred Moon
Photo Credit: Unsplash / Fred Moon

When it comes down to it, when you reach out to a woman online (or berate her for the fact your boyfriend likes her content), you are simply transferring your negative feelings about him onto her.

Rather than trying to get someone else to block him, you should be holding him accountable for the ways he crosses the line on your boundaries and demand that he change his actions. That other woman doesn’t owe you anything—your boyfriend does.